To think I am not a "silly girl"

[BravoHopeful]

I was getting ready to cross the road after the school run this morning. Another mum, whom I know slightly, came racing across from the other side of the road, grabbed my arm and (rather forcibly) steered me across, saying "Silly girl, what do you think you're doing?'

I am severely visually impaired and have a guide dog. I also cross roads every day, and have done for most of the 40+ years of my visually impaired life. I'm extremely careful about where and how I do it, and have not yet been run over or had a vehicle come to a screaming halt or swerve around me.

This other mum seems like a nice woman in general, but she has an extremely patronising attitude towards me. Over-bright smile, very loud, slow voice (which she doesn't use to other people) and just a generally rather pitying attitude.

Our reception DSs are friends, and I had her DS over to play one afternoon after school last term. I told her someone else was walking them home (I do this for playdates as other DC are not necessarily as well-behaved around roads/obeying my instructions as I require mine to be!) When she came to pick her DS up, she looked round in absolute horror and said 'You're not on your own with them, are you?' Er, yes, like I am with my 3 DC a fairly large amount of time. I pay for some housekeeping/childcare help, mainly to allow me to work, but also to do some things in the house/with the DC that I find difficult like taking them all swimming together) I got the impression she thinks the person who does this is my carer/jailer and that I am incapable of independent activity.

Anyway, rant over. Just bloody annoying.

yanbu, how rude of her.

Wow, she sounds genuinely awful. YANBU!

You know, one of the funniest things I've ever seen was a dog cocking his leg against someone. (This was on a shoot, so a gundog - they're not always housetrained).

I bet, given a clicker, some sausages and a pair of waterproof trousers, your guide dog could be taught to create a urinary tosser exclusion zone too...

YADNBU

Goodness me Bravo that's appalling!

It sounds like you might need to have a fairly blunt conversation with her at some point.

What did you say to her at the time?

That's just rude. YADNBU.

I am a bit speechless at how patronising she is! Yadnbu

I would have been too to say anything! I have no idea how to deal with someone like that.

Bathsheba - yes, unfortunately I was too discomposed to get my thoughts together for a response at the time. Also, she'd broken off a conversation with someone else to come across the road, and resumed it (with that person) as we crossed, so I'd have had to interrupt that to say something. I just wanted to get away, really.

Male guide dogs generally squat rather than cocking legs because they're castrated quite young so haven't got into the cocking habit (so to speak. Otherwise that pee-on-legs suggestion might be quite handy

how very very annoying for you.

I will be the first to admit that I have made some gaffs in my time, but this is terrible. I'm guessing she won't be agreeing to any more play dates though, so hopefully your DS has some other friends with sensible parents.

Had I been that other person I would have had some really unpleasant words for her!

Now... what to plot so that she is brought to brook? No, rally. That sort of invidious behaviour needs to be roote dout. You are blind/partially sighted not stupid, incompetent and incapable. Her attitude is frighteningly disablist - in that she obviously thinks she is being caring and looking out for you, in the absence of your minder!

Actually, could your minder/carer/jailer have a stern word? Express her disgust and set Mrs Overbearingly Sweet right?

I find myself annoyed just reading this, I can't imagine how it must have made you feel.

Ugh, awful. To call you a silly cow, that is just patronizing as fuck and telling you her opinion of you. Which apparently is, you are blind and stupid.

Whoever did you manage 40 years plus of coping without her.

girl not cow. She's the cow.

Hmph, poor show that dog. Not a team player

I would be tempted to play her at her own game a bit. So if she's being all 'Cheery cheery talking to the disabled person' I'd be trying to out cheery-cheery her back! Really exaggerate it, then turn to another person and start talking normally to them.

How awful! It sounds like this woman needs educating. It shouldn't be your job to do so, but you could do some serious patronising in return with a simply-worded-for-the-ignorant lecture on how a person should not behave towards people with visual impairment.

Good heavens - some people really don't think before they speak/act do they?

How offensive!

I'm not surprised you couldn't formulate a response at the time! I'm pretty quick with a sharp retort usually but I think in those circumstances "fuck off" might have been all that sprung to mind in the heat of the moment.

I think next time this or something similar happened I would just have to say 'I don't understand why you keep treating me like a young child', and stand there smiling, with a puzzled look on your face, to see how she explains herself.

Next time ask her if she'd like to help change your knickers too or be there to give directions for intercourse since you're obviously sooo incapable to look after yourself. What a dickbutt!

Did she not get the memo that a guide dog helps you across the road and you don't need another one? Does she think you need someone to follow your round all the time to do anything? FFS ignorance astonishes me.

I am sure it's not easy compared to how most of us live but if anyone is saying anything they should be saying bloody good on you for doing a great job, carry on!

Ah. You're visually impaired. Obviously, as we all know, that must mean you have the IQ of a piece of damp cardboard, a mental age of 4, a love of proper grown-ups doing things for you, no self respect, and a death wish.

Perfect for the MN standard headtilt and "did you mean to be so rude?" I think.

Stupid ignorant woman. Agree with PP, time to embarrass her, preferably publicly.

Do you know, before all the disablist threads this week I probably would have come on and said she was misguided but not malicious, she just doesn't understand, she didn't mean anything by it.

But actually, some of those threads have been a real eye opener and I can see that her behaviour is totally U and really insulting. And that people with disabilities have to put up with unspeakable shite on a daily basis. (Not that I would have ever done the same as her but I think I would have "picked up for her" IYSWIM. )

I think it's really horrible actually, that she implied you shouldn't be alone with dc.

Maybe a bit of distance wouldn't go astray?

wow.

That was patronising and rude of her. How on earth does she think you cope the rest of the time?

Do you know, before all the disablist threads this week I probably would have come on and said she was misguided but not malicious, she just doesn't understand, she didn't mean anything by it.

Actually, I thought that a lot of posters would come on and tell me IWBU from exactly this viewpoint. You're right, it's the constant onslaught of negative attitudes (not all as intense as this particular incident) that gets you down.

I think that i would find it difficult to say anything directly because I half expect other people to share the patronising person's view point, rather than me, or at least to think I'm over-reacting : the 'angry, ungrateful disabled person' is a bit of a stereotype too. So I tend to keep myself to myself. It's very noticeable that attitudes have hardened since I got a guide dog - before that, my blindness was less visible IYSWIM (I used a pushchair rather than a white cane!)

I'm not inviting her DS back - in any case, she hasn't reciprocated the original invitation. My DS hasn't asked to have hers over again, he plays with quite a range of DC, so isn't too bothered about any one in particular.