To think I am not a "silly girl"

[BravoHopeful]

I was getting ready to cross the road after the school run this morning. Another mum, whom I know slightly, came racing across from the other side of the road, grabbed my arm and (rather forcibly) steered me across, saying "Silly girl, what do you think you're doing?'

I am severely visually impaired and have a guide dog. I also cross roads every day, and have done for most of the 40+ years of my visually impaired life. I'm extremely careful about where and how I do it, and have not yet been run over or had a vehicle come to a screaming halt or swerve around me.

This other mum seems like a nice woman in general, but she has an extremely patronising attitude towards me. Over-bright smile, very loud, slow voice (which she doesn't use to other people) and just a generally rather pitying attitude.

Our reception DSs are friends, and I had her DS over to play one afternoon after school last term. I told her someone else was walking them home (I do this for playdates as other DC are not necessarily as well-behaved around roads/obeying my instructions as I require mine to be!) When she came to pick her DS up, she looked round in absolute horror and said 'You're not on your own with them, are you?' Er, yes, like I am with my 3 DC a fairly large amount of time. I pay for some housekeeping/childcare help, mainly to allow me to work, but also to do some things in the house/with the DC that I find difficult like taking them all swimming together) I got the impression she thinks the person who does this is my carer/jailer and that I am incapable of independent activity.

Anyway, rant over. Just bloody annoying.

[BravoHopeful]

How on earth does she think you cope the rest of the time?

Some people think my DH does everything - always getting comments about how 'wonderful' he is. Don't get me wrong, he's a very nice chap and happily takes charge of clipping DC's toenails and driving them to parties, but I do pretty much everything else

[EveryoneElsie]

I think blindness scares sighted people. They cant believe you can cope with it. Disability awareness is one lesson I'd like to see in schools.

[marblestatue]

YANBU. How annoying! I agree with Heteronormative's idea of asking why she keeps treating you like a young child.

[nagsandovalballs]

Jeez, I'd probably comment in a very sarcastic manner 'I'm visually impaired, not stupid - and thank you for your concern but I have been crossing roads successfully for 40 odd years without yet being hit by a bus.'

What a twat! I bet she boasts to her friends about how she a) has a disabled friend and b) how she looks out for you. Argh!

[RebelRogue]

Unless this was the first time you were unaccompanied on the school run,it would be very obvious you can fucking manage and know what you're doing. She's either too stupid or arrogant if she can't see that. I think she's lucky...i have very odd reflexes,especially when startled and i probably would've punched someone strongly grabbing me.

[NeedACleverNN]

She probably thought she was helping but jeezus she really didn't get how patronising she is does she?

But didn't you hear? Once you have children you cant possibly have a disability.

The amount of people who won't believe I'm deaf because I've got two children is unreal.

[MariaSklodowska]

gosh you should say to her, 'I cant see very well, that doesn't make me stupid and incapable'.
I must admit the first time I met a mum who couldnt see I did wonder how she managed.....but there is no excuse for such rudeness.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

Good grief, what a dickhead (the 'silly girl' idiot, I mean). Not to mention that phrase enrages me at the best of times, it's so patronising.

[BravoHopeful]

I always thought it was a bit of a myth about blind people being forcibly helped across roads - but this is the second time it's happened to me since getting my dog (so being obviously blind/partially-sighted). At least this time I did want to cross. The previous time, a couple of months ago, I was standing at the kerb in front of a set of crossings where you can go in different directions (crossing different roads). A man grabbed my elbow without a word and dragged me across the WRONG crossing. If it had been nighttime I'd have thought I was being mugged! My poor dog was twisted round in a U-shape, looking up at me with a WTF expression.

I waited until the man was well clear, then had to cross back and take the crossing I actually wanted

[PPie10]

Yanbu she's very rude and patronizing. next time please say something about it, she needs to be made aware that it isn't ok to speak to you or anyone in this way.

[Kitsa]

Bravo that last story makes me blood boil for you! Why the hell can people not ask if you want help - let alone if you want to be touched!!! they wouldn't touch an obviously sighted person without asking so why presume you want their help? What do they think you do when they're not around?

It sucks people presume your DH does everything!
&anyone saying he's "wonderful" in that sense needs to be clonked!

[NeedACleverNN]

Next time she tries starry screaming help help robbery!!

When she says in just trying to help you! You can retort, I got here ok I can get home ok.

[ClarkL]

I used to work at the RNIB and its fair to say the majority of people there with sight loss were more able to look after themselves than I am!!!! One guy was going through the tube station, rucksack on, cane in hand and coffee in the other and I was pretty much running after him, the problem is 1 in 7 people have a disability, yet people with disabilities are often held up as shining examples of wonder and a miracle and yet the reality is they are people cracking on dealing with what life throws at them. For some reason so many people think you are either disabled and unable, or this holy Mary miracle person.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Agree with Needa next time she grabs your arm, twat her over the head with your bag and say, "Sorry, I thought I was being mugged."
I'm almost equally agog that she conducted a conversation over your head with her friend whilst dragging you across the road.

[lionheart]

How awful she sounds.

At least you can be prepared in case she comes at you again.



scampimom

[BravoHopeful]

Ha! I've never started such a unanimous AIBU thread before. I feel like I'm on some alternate universe version of MN

Thanks, it is heartening to feel that not everybody is like this. Some days it seems like that.

[RebelRogue]

Bravo just grab her arm tomorrow and drag her across the street. If she asks what you're doing just say "oh sorry,i assumed you couldn't cope on your own since you are such a dumbass yesterday"

[RebelRogue]

*were

[Pythonesque]

One thing you could definitely do at some point, albeit indirect in terms of this particular idiot, is arrange a time to talk to classes in the school about your guide dog, what he can and can't do, how to behave around guide dogs etc. That's an important thing for children to learn and I'm sure that the teachers would welcome you doing this and it would I suspect fit in with a number of curriculum areas anyway.

Don't offer to do it until and unless you are feeling happy and confident to do so though.

[BravoHopeful]

Hi Python - Guide Dogs did this on my behalf when I first got my dog. The children are in general much better behaved than their parents who just can't stop themselves from grabbing my dog (once when I was actually walking down the street - another parent kind of lunged across my front to pat his head,, which obviously meant I barged into her ...) Quite often, people walking past me will do a sort of tongue-clicking to say 'hello' to my dog (usually they don't even say hello to me!) - that's a bit annoying as it distracts him and makes him swerve over towards them, which I don't want to do!

I'm actually going to be beginning to do some volunteer speaking on behalf of Guide Dogs soon - will try and get a few messages across about how to behave around guide dogs - and their owners!

[Willow2016]

Just when yo think you have heard of every ingorant, self- important idiotic behaviour varient along comes another one!

Well done for not clocking her with your bag and yelling mugger never mind telling her to take her f'ong hands off you.

Can you get your dog to growl on cue?

[NovemberInDailyFailLand]

Ugh. YADNBU! I've described the loud, slow voice used to me on here, as well - I have autism and am hard of hearing.

Disability awareness teaching in schools would be a fantastic thing.

[redexpat]

OMG! How patronising can you be?! IN both word and deed! My partially sighted friend usually get s the opposite reaction, so people huff and puff and complain if she dares to ask for assistance. I get sooo angry on her behalf.

[PurpleDaisies]

My mum's dead and people talk to her as if she's stupid rather than unable to hear what she's saying. Or if we're out together people talk to me instead of her, or about her when she's standing right next to me. It makes me really angry.

You are not a silly girl op. I think you would be well within your rights to tell off anyone who does this to you again for being patronising.

[PurpleDaisies]

Unfortunate typo on my post-my mum's deaf not dead!