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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be feeling so hurt and angry about these comments?

101 replies

TFletchersWife · 14/06/2016 09:23

My local town has created a Facebook event to hold a candlelight vigil for those lost in the Orlando massacre.

A lday has come onto the group and made the following comments;

Please don't misunderstand me when I say this. As all my Gay friends know, I love you all, and stand with you by your side against homophobia! However, there are thousands of Christians being murdered for their faith all over the world. Targeted for their way of life, men, women and children murdered and slaughtered for what they believe on a daily basis. LGBT are not the only group of people being targeted! Who's standing with us? Who is changing the colour of their profile pages to show their support. It goes un posted, and it goes unshared

Some people have said her comments are cold and she should simply remove herself from the group, rather than argue on this LGBT page.

She has now said

I am as hurt by what has happened as all of you. And most of those involved were Christian. I am simply saying that this is a crime against Humanity. There is no need to single out one community

I am absolutely livid. I am also trying to think of a response that doesn't come across as angry as I am.

I don't know whether I am overreacting and should just keep my mouth shut or whether I should tell her to f*ck off.

Even had a little cry in the car this morning.

Why are some people so cold?

I appreciate her views but to come on to a facebook page specifically to remember these people is just goady

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 14/06/2016 10:04

I think the big issue here is that LGBT people have been the targets of violence and discrimination because of their sexuality for a long time. This nightclub was targeted because it was a gay club, and it's natural that people who as a group have already been the target of discrimination, harassment and/or violence will feel shaken by it.

I can't blame LGBT people for feeling that when it's convenient to fit the dominant narrative (ie terrorism is violence against all of us in the West, this is part of a pattern of ongoing attacks on Western values) it gets coopted. The fact that this also fits part of an ongoing pattern of bigotry and violence against gay people is brushed aside, and the reason this group were targets is minimised.

louisagradgrind · 14/06/2016 10:05

Of course, it is right to mourn for members of you community but it is important not to lose sight that this is a crime against humanity first and formost. Don't lock the rest of humanity out.

There are reports this morning that a French police officer and his wife have been murdered by an ISIS inspired murderer. Does that mean that this is a crime against police and not humanity?

It really isn't a pissing contest about who should be more upset? All right thinking humanity has as much right to mourn as anyone else.

kitchenunit · 14/06/2016 10:08

I can't blame LGBT people for feeling that when it's convenient to fit the dominant narrative (ie terrorism is violence against all of us in the West, this is part of a pattern of ongoing attacks on Western values) it gets coopted. The fact that this also fits part of an ongoing pattern of bigotry and violence against gay people is brushed aside, and the reason this group were targets is minimised.

Same thing happened with violence against women after the Cologne NYE attacks. Suddenly because it was linked with terrorism, migration and other buzzwords, people actually cared about violence against women! Only for three minutes though, until the next thing happened.... And not as much as they cared about Paris because there was no snappy facebook profile picture editor to enable people to care-for-a-click

EveryoneElsie · 14/06/2016 10:10

Theres nothing stopping her having a vigil page for Christians and women murdered by ISIS.
Gay people wouldnt go there and say 'but what about the gay people in Orlando'.

Original poster
TFletchersWife · 14/06/2016 10:12

Not sure whey you are getting so upset she is spot on. Frankly all this turning FB profiles rainbow colours is just virtue signalling and does absolutely nothing to help

Of course it doesn't! It simply shows that you are showing support to the families that have lost someone. If there is harm in that then this world is crazier than I thought.

I am shocked at the negative comments about showing support. Disgusted even.

Surely as an individual I can support more than one cause? And I should be able to arrange a vigil with others without someone joining the group ONLY to tell us that we should not be holding a vigil

OP posts:
DreamingofSummer · 14/06/2016 10:12

She is both right and inappropriate.

Some crimes including mass killings get more publicity than others. That's the way of the media.

But that post is like knocking on the door of a bereaved family and saying they shouldn't grieve for their loved one because no-one is griveing with the lonely widow round the corner.

JassyRadlett · 14/06/2016 10:13

That's a really good point kitchen and I'm embarrassed to say I hadn't really clocked that it happened, but you're right.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/06/2016 10:14

I think if you find any of the comments here disgusting then you really need to take a step back from this...

WorraLiberty · 14/06/2016 10:16

She does have a point but she's chosen the wrong place to make it.

However, if a point made by a stranger on the internet has made you hurt, angry, livid and caused you to cry in your car this morning, I think you probably need to keep away from social media, until you feel strong enough to deal with other people's opinions on this awful tragedy.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 14/06/2016 10:18

Yanbu, op. I dislike 'whataboutery' and those comments had no place on that page.

emotionsecho · 14/06/2016 10:19

Are you livid about her views and feel they are somehow an 'attack' on you personally or are you livid because she chose this place and time to air them?

VashtaNerada · 14/06/2016 10:20

Her comments are really ill-judged. It's completely appropriate that right now people are demonstrating solidarity with the LGBT community and are discussing the dangers of unchallenged homophobia.

There are other spaces to discuss other atrocities but it's so important to let LGBT people have a voice without talking over them.

nannyplumislostinspace · 14/06/2016 10:21

Tbh I think she's right but I wouldn't have said it in that group.

OliviaStabler · 14/06/2016 10:24

She is hijacking one event to promote her own agenda. I'd message the owner of the page and ask for her comments to be removed.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/06/2016 10:29

She is right, but its the focus is about those people killed. Good message, bad messenger.

ChuffMuffin · 14/06/2016 10:29

She is right, but totally agree with FlyingElbows above re tragedy porn comment. Not the time or the place for tragedy top trumps.

Whathaveilost · 14/06/2016 10:34

I think she is spot on and it sounds like you are a becoming a professional virgil attendee.

You are crying and livid at a stranger's comments, a stranger that does actually have a valid point? Seriously?
I think you extreme emotion needs to be redirected.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 14/06/2016 10:35

I agree with you OP. Thousands of people are killed every day, but that isn't quite the same as people being mass murdered in one event.

If 50 Christians were slaughtered all at once, in one place by someone who hated Christians, just because they were Christians, then actually I think there would be a lot of solidarity out there.

Actually, just like there was when the shootings happened at the church in the US.

But you know what, when people are upset, playing death trumps is just not cool.

pictish · 14/06/2016 10:35

Don't be disgusted OP - people are allowed their opinions and you've posted here to garner them. We don't all have to agree with you. Don't be so self important as to come on here and express disgust at anyone not dancing to your tune. How rude.

There are many unnecessary losses of human life occurring daily across the globe. That you identify with this one in particular is perfectly understandable and acceptable, but you don't get the last word on what people think about it.

That you are so furious over someone tactlessly stating something that is correct and a commonly held belief says to me you need to deflate your ego somewhat.

I have nothing but sorrow and despair for the victims of the Orlando massacre but I'm not flying a rainbow flag on fb or attending a vigil. There is too much loss and it is not my way.
Simmer down.

pictish · 14/06/2016 10:37

P.s I wouldn't have written what she did, where she did. No way. But neither would I be fizzing over it either.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 14/06/2016 10:39

She is hijacking one event to promote her own agenda

^^This

She's playing grief top trumps.

liz70 · 14/06/2016 10:39

Not projecting much at all, pictish, no. Hmm

pictish · 14/06/2016 10:39

Sorry...I don't know what you mean?

pallasathena · 14/06/2016 10:41

In a democracy you know....people are allowed their own individual opinions.

liz70 · 14/06/2016 10:43

Just that I really don't get how you read all that into the OP.