To have refused weight management programme?

[29ismyluckynumber]

My G.P. asked me if I would like to be referred to a weight management programme, and I said no - largely because I didn't know what it involved, and I doubt I'd be able to stick to it.

I'm wondering if I was a bit hasty. does anyone know what it involves?

I haven't yet known any treatment that's been effective for anybody but if you do know let me know.

YANBU. If you go into it with the mindset that it's going to fail, it will fail. From that perspective, at least you aren't wasting anyone's time.

If you go into it with the mindset that it is not a "diet' it is a permanent change in your lifestyle, you might just succeed.

Have you had counselling?

Your posts are terribly negative 29.
Have you sought counselling at all, because it strikes me there are deeper issues causing your over eating?
Perhaps another visit to your GP to get the ball rolling, then you might feel better equipped to tackle the weight issues?

Binge eating is an eating disorder, so you could get help from those resources aimed at eating disorders. The support you might get there may well help you to look at things differently, and then knock on effect is you may find it very much easier to manage the eating behaviour. So it would surely be much easier with the right sort of support - being handed an eating plan probably won't cut it. If it was that easy, you would have solved it already, isn't that right?
If it were me, I probably wouldn't tell my children I had ruined my life even if I was feeling like that. Because I would be looking at two human beings who are then being told they are contributing to this 'ruined life' I was describing. Depending on the age of your kids, urging them not to become like you is going to be hard for them, because they like you and want to be like you. Healthy eating is something else entirely. People's characters and their eating habits or their size is not linked. The person they are inside is separate from their size or their eating habits.

So you could seek the right sort of support for your kids' sake as well as your own. They love you and wish you to be ok with yourself, like anyone who cares about you does. I am not an expert about this sort of stuff so sorry if this is crap advice. I just know that having such difficulties with food is not just run of the mill 'overweight' if it has been a persistent problem for you. It is an eating disorder and there is specialised help and support out there. For example: www.b-eat.co.uk/

I binge eat because of stuff from childhood, but it's definitely an addiction. I eat one bit of food and can't stop.

I'm not downplaying your trauma but I think you would be surprised how common this is. I mean, most of our crap is based on our childhood. I mean, isn't pretty much all therapy assuming that it is?

In other words, you seem to think you are so far gone, so unfixable that no one can help. But the truth is that (please don't take this the wrong way) your problems are probably pretty unremarkable and my guess is that therapy could help you if you let it.

I saw an NHS dietician once and it was a total waste of time because it was clearly aimed at people who had either just been diagnosed with diabetes or renal failure, or those who regularly stuffed their faces with Mars Bars and Coca Cola and not people like me who actually like salad etc, who eat about 1800 calories a day of a sensible balanced diet but still can't lose a lot of weight because of other medical issues, and who like being active when the other medical issues allowed them to. There the NHS had nothing to offer whatsoever.

I used to turn up with my food diary and show them and they would frantically look through it for some suggestion to make, then see my 1oz Weight Watchers cheese or 2 tsp half fat single cream or a single polo mint on one day diligently recorded and say something like 'don't eat cheese' or 'don't eat cream' or 'you need to stop eating sweets' where clearly this was a minute proportion of the overall calorific load, which was low anyway. It was like they were looking for something to say. I really lost heart with it all as it was just not scientifically based and more to do with the sociology of fat.

29ismyluckynumber I really feel for you. I'm overweight too and have done a number of different diets over the years and have lost between 2 and 6 stone but every time I put it back on. I'm a classic emotional eater and yo-yo dieter.

I would also decline to go to Slimming World / Weight Watchers, however that's based purely on the perception I've got in my head about them and the fact that I:

1. Am lazy and don't want to learn about 'Syns' and 'points'
2. Find groups of new people quite scary
3. Don't want to be judged and don't like the idea of being honest if I've had a bar of chocolate and potentially having people tutting or 'telling me off'

I had an 'interesting' childhood and when I'm upset - I turn to food, I always have done. Then I feel guilty because I've just eaten a whole pizza, a massive bar of chocolate and big bag of crisps.... feel disgusted with myself and sad - so I turn to food again, and it's a vicious cycle.

I've been talking to a counselor for just over 18 months and whilst it wasn't primarily for my weight issues, I've found it so helpful to talk to her about how I feel about my weight and my relationship with food. I can't say I'm 100% convinced it will work as I'm still overweight - However I can honestly say I don't hate myself as much as I did a year ago, that's such a MASSIVE thing for me, I can't begin to tell you.

I've also got about 4 stone to lose... and I'm not doing any exercise apart from walking due to slipped discs in my back - so we're not too dissimilar?

Would you consider talking to the GP about counselling?

THing is, most diets "work" in the sense that if you follow them to the letter you will lose weight. However, they don't change your thinking, and THAT'S what keeps the weight on. If you're eating for any other reason than pleasureable fuel, IMO it could be argued that that is an eating disorder (or at least, disordered eating), and just throwing practical solutions at a mental issue is going to accomplish diddly squat. It's like saying to someone with depression, "Oh well have you tried cheering up?"

OP, try thinking of it this way.

Something(s) happened when you were young. The things, and the people who perpetrated them, took your childhood away from you. But they're also taking away your present and your future.

Are you strong enough to say 'no more'? To say that they've taken too much and they're not getting any more of your life? And that from now on you are going to live your life as you choose, without their actions dictating how you feel?

I completely understand if your reaction to what I've written is to say that you can't do it, that it hurts too much and that I don't understand. But if you can find a good therapist they'll help you, not to forget, but to be able to move forward without the millstone of your past around your neck.

Damn, just lost a long post.

Obesity is vastly complex. Have a look at this.

OP, maybe just give it a go. Everyone else will be feeling similar. All will have been on diets and know all the healthy eating info and still have weight problems.

I recently completed an online course on obesity and a leading consultant said that for many bariatric surgery was the only long term solution. Doing the weight programmes demonstrates a desire to change so might be helpful if you ever want to consider this.

You won't find a magic solution in a course but might meet one helpful person or discover something that clicks with you. I say find out more and consider going. It might be rubbish but unless you go how will you know?

Good luck.

I binge eat, and I haven't stopped completely yet BUT I've lost over a stone and I eat healthily most of the time, and I'm now able to start afresh after a binge and go back to good habits.

You probably already know what you need to do, and it's really, really hard to do if you've been eating instead of dealing with difficult emotions for a long time. You need to let yourself be happy, and you need to care for yourself as you would care for someone you love, and accept that actually your body is worth loving and cherishing and nurturing.

I don't know what you need to do to get there, or what that path will look like. For me, it was kick-started by a long illness which made me realise that my family relied on me enough that taking care of my health was actually part of taking care of them.
And the first (and actually the most important) step towards this wasn't changing what I ate or taking more exercise, but making sure I got enough sleep. Exercise followed on from sleep, and food was the very last thing I change. I also only weigh myself four times a year. That way I focus on the good stuff, and I always see my weight going down, and it's easier to pick myself up and get back into good habits when I go off the rails because I know a bad day isn't enough to fuck up a generally good three months.

So my advice is to do whatever you need to do to get your mind in the right place first, whether that's therapy or CBT or starting to meditate or something else.

There is a thread on here for binge eaters. I stay away because I find it makes me worse, but it might be a good place to find sources of support.

I suffered with bullemia for years, the binge and purge was cured by getting out of an EA marriage but from time to time the binge part remains, I don't know why really but I would follow a low calorie diet and as soon as I had something that I shouldn't then it was an excuse for an all out binge. Low carb, high fat seems to have all that in check, I guess it's just what works for me, perhaps because I don't feel like I'm on a diet. Vegetarians can also follow the diet.

I would seriously suggest you have counselling for your eating disorder, or take the GP up on the offer as perhaps your relationship to food will also be addressed at the weight loss clinic.

Emotionally or trauma driven binge eating won't magically go away if you diet. Even if you diet successfully. It is always just a tough day or setback away.

Therapy directed at the source of the trauma or problematic emotions is probably the best way to tackle it, but it is not usually a short-term fix and GPs tend not to offer it.

You need to do this for you - you need to realise you are worth it and will do it in spite of your childhood. Make your future about you and not about your past.

Really hope you find the answer that works for you.

have you heard of reverse psychology that entails the "wine tasting'' method? For this to work you need to commit to a healthy diet which you eat properly first. Only using this method when your willpower fails you and you want to binge.

When you want to binge:

You will probably want to do this when you have a quiet moment where you won't be disturbed.

You put in front of you everything that you want to binge/eat. Or you can go around the kitchen grazing whatever you want.

You savour everything that you put in your mouth and chew everything but instead of swallowing you do what the wine tasters do, basically swill it round your mouth so you enjoy the taste and texture and use a bowl and tissue to spit out the contents.

Do as many mouthfuls as you need of anything that you want.

You then tip the contents of the bowl down the loo.

Over time you might find you might want to do this less and less once you see the contents of the bowl! but at the end of the day, it is not harmful as long as you do eat sensibly at other times.

This combined with counselling might help take away the guilt of not having the self control to stick to a diet.

It is a safe method to use but it isn't a cure, although many people have found it helpful when pure willpower alone isn't enough and when you feel you have failed every other solution.

Good luck op.

There will be specific help for binge eating.
I too have food issues stemming from childhood stuff. I try each day to make as many good choices as I can. Some days are much better than others but I refuse to be defined by what you term a "failure".
You can continue as you are and be miserable or seek help and try and make things better. I wish you well.

Another person advocating counselling. You have so much self-blame and its so sad to see how defeated you are. I don't think the answer is in food, I do think really good counselling might help you feel a bit better about yourself, and weight loss might just come about as a consequence.

Please stop feeling that you have to apologise- you have not done anything cruel to anyone, but would probably benefit from being kinder to yourself.

Sweetheart, you are not useless.

You have not ruined your life. Your life is not ruined, so how could you have?

Somebody taught you these things about yourself. They were wrong.

Forget about losing weight (really!) It's not awful to be pudgy.

Instead, why not learn to like yourself. This will be a great example to your children, too.

Your GP should be able to refer you for some counselling. The waiting lists are incredibly long, so you won't have to face it straight away

Posters here can really help you develop a more realistic idea of the lovely woman you are.

If you feel like taking apart the incorrect messages your childhood gave you, post in Relationships - there are some very experienced women who could support you.

But, for now, how about improving your opinion of you?

:)

Beautifully put, GarlicSteak.

to the OP.

Seconded. Thats a lovely post Garlic and so true.

Your size does not dictate how nice a person you are. It's not a value judgement.

I have a similar amount to lose - be kind to yourself. Try to focus on self care rather than dieting /recrimination. Focus on doing a few more laps of the pool, a few more steps in the day, getting your five a day in, learning a new healthy recipe etc. These are all acts of self care and positive. Beating yourself up because you are too many of X is negative.

Obesity is indeed complex. But whether you're fat or thin you are still you - and you sound like a nice person,