to be really peeved at DS's dad

[lemonbon2]

We haven't been together for years, we have a fairly good relationship, we speak every day regarding DS and how each other is etc and would describe is as friends

A couple of times ex has needed to 'clear his head' and has gone away for a few days and we have haven't spoken, he has always told us about this and these couple of times are the only times were not in contact

This weekend we spoke as normal Thursday, then nothing all weekend! I texted him updates on DS and some pics on whatsapp which I could see he hadn't open! I was getting increasingly worried as the weekend went on, tried ringing him today, straight to voicemail, I was really worried, rang his mum (who he lives with) and she said she hadn't seen him (he doesn't have many friends or go out etc) she said if she saw him she'd pass on I was worried and that was that. I thought it was slightly strange she wasn't more worried, I had a chat with my mum and was very concerned, decided if no contact after tonight I would ring his mum again and it would be a case of reporting it

Anyway 1 hour later I get a text 'I'm fine been away, phone died, speak later'

I'm relieved obviously but mostly I'm fuming, firstly if something had happened to DS or me during this time how the hell would he have known? And secondly I spent my weekend, mainly today really concerned and imagining all sorts!!

I don't intend to argue with him over this but I do think he should know as a parent you can't just drop off the face of the earth for 3 days!! All he had to say was I'm going away for a few days I won't be in contact, as he has done before and all would be fine!!

Am I right to think this is totally selfish behaviour?

Maybe he shut his phone off deliberately as you're aggressive and abusive? Or is that something you withhold for idiots people on the internet?

If a man posted this mn would be up in arms but of course fathers can dissapear.

Tired if the child were in the care of the mother and the father couldn't get in contact then possible so.

But if the child were with the dad during that time and he was trying to get hold of the mother for no emergency or specific reason then I suspect there would be the same attitude (that the man was over invested, possibly controlling etc).

But what if your child fell ill or had an accident isn't that why parents should know how to contact the other parent if both are on the birth certificate and you need them to consent to surgery or anything?

I'm on the op's side no decent parent should go completely missing it's extremely irresponsible.

This Is fun

Yanbu. If someone was in the habit of texting me every day and then suddenly stopped for a few days unexpectedly, I would be concerned. And if it turned out they were fine and they just hadn't thought to mention they'd be off the radar for a bit, I'd be a bit irritated (as well as relieved they're ok, obviously).
AIBU has been really odd this weekend, worse than usual. People deliberately ignoring the actual question and harping on about something else the OP has said.

Just tell him you were concerned you didn't hear from him, so next time could he let you know if he's going to be out of contact. No biggie!

Sounds to me like your DS has 2 parents who love him very much.

If a man posted this mn would be up in arms but of course fathers can dissapear

If the RP doesn't hear from the other parent for 3 days? What? That's ridiculous.

Wow. Literally baffled as to why someone who so clearly thinks they are in the right would bother asking for opinions.

OP, your predicament is really not that complex. People are not failing to understand it, they just disagree with you. In the real world, that does happen from time to time. The way to deal with it is to be gracious, take on board other opinions when you have asked for them (!) and behave like an adult. Not to throw a strop and call people idiots. That's what my 7 year old niece would do.

'What ifs' don't allow you to control someone's life even if they are a parent

3 days is a long weekend not an eternity.

Nothing happened to necessitate being furious over.

Maybe he went on dadsnet and they told him it was OK to not contact his ex 4 times a day if he didn't want to. Tell her your phone died. Maybe poor bloke was terrified of the potential reaction.

Take a breath OP

One of the surprising things i've found about mumsnet is accepting that i'm wrong sometimes. A whole thread telling you the same thing makes you think. A 50/50 split can really make you think too. If everyone agrees with you - hurrah!

You're right though, people can be really fucking unkind and gang up, especially when an OP gets defensive.

Maybe though, just maybe, everyone else has a point?

OP - if you're still around - you and DP are very close, he comes to you 'when in need', he's your friend. OK but I'm wondering whether you have other close friends, work, interests of your own. The whole relationship, notwithstanding that you're ex, sounds a little stifling.

God your not getting the clearly obvious point......

YABU - it's nice that you are both invested in your DS, but after ringing his mum, it should've stopped there.

YABVVU to attack people on here for having a differing opinion to you based on the posts you write here.

Seriously weird set up! He probably has met someone new and is attempting to escape for a weekend.

I think you should cancel the cheque, OP.