...to ask for money again?

[Nessalina]

Six couples and their kids (one a piece) had planned a weekend camping, but hideous weather put us off at the last minute, and one of the couples offered up her brothers cottage in the Lakes as an alternative location. However the cottage could only sleep 4 couples, so the option of us finding a B&B or something for the overflow was floated. I found a caravan park nearby where we could hire a 4-bed caravan for £200 for the two nights, and said I didn't mind us doing that with one other couple that we see a bit more of, so know quite well.
One of these DFs piped up (this is all being sorted over Facebook messenger) and says would the people staying for free be OK to chip in for the paid accommodation, and other couples said 'of course', but no more detail were gone into.
The weekend is now over, lovely time had by all, and we've all gone home. Money has not been mentioned at all, and me and DH have paid the full £200 for the caravan, the weekend hasn't cost anyone else anything.
I feel like I need to broach the money thing, but I don't know how much is fair to ask people to pay, and if I should indicate an amount and ask for it, or just ask people to chip in whatever. I hate asking for money and DH says we should just leave it, but it is a lot to just shrug off.
Thoughts on how to work a non-confrontational, non-grabby message???

I agree it's fine to ask but also agree with Jinx you cannot ask the person who provided the cottage for free!

So i'd send individual emails to the other couples.

Well, as you say it was agreed in a FB Mesenger group, revive the message, and just put "If people could all send the £34 to..{insert bank details}, that'd be great. Thanks to {friend who came to rescue with house's name} for lending the house so we only had to pay £34 per family and not £100 per family if we'd all had to squeeze into caravans" Could even add in "Appreciate that everyone thought it was fair to share the costs".

I will be entertaining some friends at our holiday home soon. Because we don't have beds for all, some will be sleeping in a rented property next door but will spend the days/eat in the cottage. The cost of the rental will be split between all the guests regardless of where they stay. We've all agreed to it and it seems eminently fair to me. Just email them the bank details and amount.

For some reason all the suggestions reminds me of that sketch in The Young Ones when they are trying to work out how to phrase a letter to the bank manager.

Not that I suggest that you go with "Darling Fascist Bullyboy. Give me some more money, you bastard. BOOM SHANKA!!!"

I think a gentle reminder (in a day or two) that it was agreed everyone would contribute would be appropriate. If it was this weekend and you've just got back then emailing them today would seem grabby and offensive, as if you didn't trust them to offer of their own accord. If it was last weekend, however, then I'd be pinging that email out today.

Just send 'thanks for a lovely weekend, donations towards the cost of the caravan would be gratefully received'

^This

We do a yearly trip with a group of friends. 4 stay at the Holiday home belonging to one of group's sister with no charge. Remaining 2 at local hotel. The hotel bill is split between all 6

KissMyArse - you made me genuine LOL there
Yeah, I think it's worth waiting a day or two and seeing if anyone offers up, then sending a gentle reminder.
I like the idea of checking if there were any costs for the cottage too, it's a good starting point!

Couple of posts with people saying what a good weekend it was... Still no talk of ££...

Oh god, this isn't going to be one of those threads where the OP just ignores everyone's advice is it.

You already spoke before and everyone said they'd split the cost. Don't be a wimp - just send a message saying how much they owe you. But you should exclude the person whose brother gave you the cottage from the calcs so split between 5 not 6.

Disagree saying "donations towards the caravan appreciate" - it's not a donation of some unspecified cost, they actually owe you a fixed amount of money!

If there are Facebook comments then that's a perfect excuse to ask about the money. Id do it sooner rather than later

I think sooner rather than later too - and reply all so everybody can see what the other says....rather than individual emails as suggested above.

I'd probably start with 'is everyone still OK to split the cost of the extra accommodation? If so it £33 per couple. Hope that's ok, bank details are....' It would just feel politer and less pointed than some of the other suggestions.

I'd group send "1/6 share of caravan cost is £33. Were there any costs for the cottage that need to be divvied up too?"

For example, wine and chocolates may have been bought to thank the absent owner.

Definitely don't start any "is everyone still OK..." stuff. It suggests it wasn't already agreed and opens the door for disagreement!

No need to talk about me like I'm not here Queenbean
I felt it was a bit grabby to ask straight away, though yes, I am being a bit of a wimp about it!
Ok, I'm messaging...
"Hi all, just wanted to sort out finances for the weekend please! Were there any costs for your brother's cottage in the end X? Obviously you guys don't need to chip in, but me and DH paid £200 for the caravan, so how are we best to split that between the rest of us? Is £35 per couple ok?"

The "you" not Chipping in is ambiguous. You mean the sister of the cottage owner, b t it could be taken as optional for everyone

I think it's a bit bizarre that you expect them to pay for a caravan they didn't use

But Roar why is it fair that the others got to use the cottage for free and OP had to pay to stay somewhere? Why didn't OP get the free cottage place and someone else have to pay for the caravan?

Not sure why you are asking how to split the caravan costs and whether £35 is ok, you already agreed that with everyone so now you just need the money. Asking if it's ok and how costs should be split takes you back to square one. You need a lesson in assertiveness! "Hi, great weekend, we all agreed to share the caravan cost so please pay me £35 per couple. ".
I do think you are right to check whether there were any costs incurred for the cottage though.
Hope you get your money back.

I love how gamerchick thinks. :)

"I'd send fusions text as it is, so when each couple correct it they're engaged and cant ignore it then."

But don't send anything open-ended because you will be guaranteed tumbleweed. Be decisive, specific, and include bank details. Fusion's text is perfect.

I guess it's because we only asked for a 'donation' beforehand and didn't specify figures. I know we should have, but I was so excited that the weekend was actually going to go ahead that I didn't press the issue.
It doesn't help that we all paid pitch fees for the camping up front, so they were lost when we didn't go.

I like BackforGood's message

Gosh I would be open ended with my friends because I'd be shocked if any didn't pay. I'd also be ok with taking the hit if they didn't but truly my friends would be the sort of people who would have been saying to me 'we must pay you for our share of that cost'.