...to ask for money again?

[Nessalina]

Six couples and their kids (one a piece) had planned a weekend camping, but hideous weather put us off at the last minute, and one of the couples offered up her brothers cottage in the Lakes as an alternative location. However the cottage could only sleep 4 couples, so the option of us finding a B&B or something for the overflow was floated. I found a caravan park nearby where we could hire a 4-bed caravan for £200 for the two nights, and said I didn't mind us doing that with one other couple that we see a bit more of, so know quite well.
One of these DFs piped up (this is all being sorted over Facebook messenger) and says would the people staying for free be OK to chip in for the paid accommodation, and other couples said 'of course', but no more detail were gone into.
The weekend is now over, lovely time had by all, and we've all gone home. Money has not been mentioned at all, and me and DH have paid the full £200 for the caravan, the weekend hasn't cost anyone else anything.
I feel like I need to broach the money thing, but I don't know how much is fair to ask people to pay, and if I should indicate an amount and ask for it, or just ask people to chip in whatever. I hate asking for money and DH says we should just leave it, but it is a lot to just shrug off.
Thoughts on how to work a non-confrontational, non-grabby message???

[jodiebee664]

I'm sorry for you, it's out of order of all of them really! I do agree how it should have been sorted up front but it's not always that easy at the time and you don't expect mates to just leave all the cost to you.
the others in the caravan should really add more and not leave it all to you.

how was it decided who would go in the house (other than the couple related to the owner of course)

[lottiegarbanzo]

What? Did you caravan dwellers not eat all weekend?

Though I take your friend to be saying 'money's tight, this is all we can afford'. If that's not the case then your use of 'contribution' confused them.

Weird, given that, that you're not splitting the £125 with the other caravan dwellers.

Always be direct and up-front in advance, or you will be taken advantage of!

[SaltySeaBird]

How close are you to the other couple in the caravan?

Ask them to post on the group thread "£25 are you sure? Doesn't that mean you and your DH paid £100 which seems unfair?" - then see if any of the cottage friends step in with what is fair!

[BadLad]

I wonder what percentage of group holidays end up with at least one friendship no longer being what it once was.

I bet it's quite high.

[PHeadPH]

It's hard to see how they have managed to convince themselves that they re being reasonable but maybe it was the use of the word 'contribution'.

You do indeed live and learn. Next time you will know to be a bit more careful.

[Itsaplayonwords]

Maybe you should send a follow up message telling them how much petrol cost and how much of that they owe you!

[arethereanyleftatall]

Did their joint food bill include champagne/chocolates as they presumably left a gift for the owners plus logs for wood fire(or whatever) etc? If so, it's fair that that was included in the cost to split.

[Itsaplayonwords]

That really takes the piss. You had to pay for food, they had to pay for food. Food bills shouldn't have come into it.

[Nessalina]

*that they think IABU

[Nessalina]

Ah, I can talk a good game about what I should do when it's just on MN, but IRL it's just massively awkward, and I don't want to lose friends over it. It's a nice group of people and this whole episode has been very out of character. I can only assume that they they IABU, but I really can't work out why.
You live you learn!

[PHeadPH]

That's really not very nice of them but I guess there is not much you can do about it. It would really bug me but I know there wouldn't be much point dwelling on it.

Can you at least tease them about it.

[KissMyArse]

Talk about being tight arses - I bet they squeak when they walk.

[Queenbean]

Really don't understand why you took the hit - they've mugged you off, you allowed them to walk all over you and I'd be questioning if they're your friends.

[DollyBarton]

Tight bastards. It is oils have cost them what another £8 each? They should be ashamed of themselves.

[Nessalina]

Long story short, as I felt it was a bit too identifying with a blow by blow:
I sent the message on the joint thread and then got texted by one of the friends that stayed in the house saying that they'd talked and thought £25 was about right, as they had a joint food bill to pay too for the house, and would that be ok? I was not very happy, but not wanting to lose friends, replied in a fairly PA fashion, that if they did that, then and DH and the other couple would have £125 to cover still (having sorted our food out already), and if they thought that was fair I didn't want to haggle.
Was very upset about it, but DH talked me down a bit - we'd had a nice weekend, they probably saw it as we'd chosen the caravan and we're happy with a 'contribution'. At the end of the day it's my fault for not clarifying.
So I sent a message to the group saying £25 from everyone (including the couple who stayed in the caravan too - why should they pay more because the others haven't) would be lovely, and thanks for a great weekend.
So I'm £100 down, a bit pissed, but at peace. And I won't be paying owt up front next time!

[jodiebee664]

What's the latest OP? Am intrigued to hear about how this pans out (having been in similar awkward money situations organising hen dos etc in the past)

[DollyBarton]

Gosh I would be open ended with my friends because I'd be shocked if any didn't pay. I'd also be ok with taking the hit if they didn't but truly my friends would be the sort of people who would have been saying to me 'we must pay you for our share of that cost'.

[whois]

I like BackforGood's message

[Nessalina]

I guess it's because we only asked for a 'donation' beforehand and didn't specify figures. I know we should have, but I was so excited that the weekend was actually going to go ahead that I didn't press the issue.
It doesn't help that we all paid pitch fees for the camping up front, so they were lost when we didn't go.

[icanteven]

I love how gamerchick thinks. :)

"I'd send fusions text as it is, so when each couple correct it they're engaged and cant ignore it then."

But don't send anything open-ended because you will be guaranteed tumbleweed. Be decisive, specific, and include bank details. Fusion's text is perfect.

[mouldycheesefan]

Not sure why you are asking how to split the caravan costs and whether £35 is ok, you already agreed that with everyone so now you just need the money. Asking if it's ok and how costs should be split takes you back to square one. You need a lesson in assertiveness! "Hi, great weekend, we all agreed to share the caravan cost so please pay me £35 per couple. ".
I do think you are right to check whether there were any costs incurred for the cottage though.
Hope you get your money back.

[Queenbean]

But Roar why is it fair that the others got to use the cottage for free and OP had to pay to stay somewhere? Why didn't OP get the free cottage place and someone else have to pay for the caravan?

[roarfeckingroar]

I think it's a bit bizarre that you expect them to pay for a caravan they didn't use