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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have sacked my hair and makeup lady for my wedding?

72 replies

coralpig · 10/06/2016 19:55

I'm getting married in 2 months time and today has my hair and makeup trial. I had read lots of reviews and decided to go with this lady.

As background: I am North African with dark skin. Not quite black but could definitely be mistaken for African Caribbean. My hair is very very curly and frizzy but straightens without too much hassle. I've avoided lots of heat over the last few years which has helped it's condition.

The trial was at my parents home which is local to where I'll be getting married.

The lady was very nice and professional, she has a very slick website and has been shortlisted for wedding industry awards. I felt I was in safe hands.

As the trial progressed (3 hours) it became clear she wasn't accustomed to dealing with my hair type or complexion. My up do which I had requested wasn't great and quite frizzy with a very 90s style. I'm generally quite assertive so pointed out what I liked and didn't but the overall look wasn't great. She assured me it would look different on the day with spray and wax.

The makeup is where things started to go wrong. I couldn't see what she was doing as I was sat away from the mirror for most of the trial. I explained that I wanted a natural look- not too much makeup just something that would look nice. I don't wear lot of makeup.

She finished and asked me to have a look.
When I looked in the mirror I was shocked- she had made me look almost white, a fair few shades lighter than my complexion with a very cakey looked. The eye shadow was applied beautifully but the colours and quantity were all wrong - I didn't look like myself.

I said that it was too light and could we go closer to my natural skin tone.

Second time round was slightly better but so so heavy and still too white. It was clear she didn't know what to do with my skin tone.

My mum didn't like it either. I politely said I just didn't like it sorry. I asked her how much I could pay her for her time and paid this immediately - it was almost £100.

I said I didn't want to mess her around so I'd be looking for somebody with more experience with dark skinned women. She said that in her many years of experience this had never happened before and she just left. She was clearly very upset.

I've sent photos to my bridesmaids and they are shocked that she is a pro.

I feel very guilty as it's nearly the summer season and this has been in her diary for a long time. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
EarthboundMisfit · 10/06/2016 20:34

I agree that a bit more eye makeup than usual will help with photos. No excuse for not matching skin tone though.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/06/2016 20:35

I think it is fantastic you were so honest with her and thanked her and paid for her time.

She said that in her many years of experience this had never happened before

I bet other brides have felt similar but gave excuses instead of the truth. She should have appreciated your constructive feedback.

FrameyMcFrame · 10/06/2016 20:36

I've never been married but would trust my own hairdresser on these occasions rather than a stranger. Could you not just use your usual hairdresser?

As for ,makeup, I've only ever had bad experiences when I've had a full face of make up put on me by someone else.

Itslikeyoureadmymind · 10/06/2016 20:37

You are definitely not BU! I am a MUA and sometimes what your client wants and what you think they want are very different. I did my cousins make up trial and she went away going hmm... Okay. Her sis called me and said "too natural, she needs more". I thought because she was quite shy and unassuming she would want something natural and unassuming! I re-did her trial and was much happier.

Saying that why she thought you would want to be white Hmm

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 10/06/2016 20:38

For my wedding I went to boots sat at the counter with the friendliest staff (benefit in that store on that day) asked for a natural look, bought the stuff and got my friend to help in the day.

Why not go and treat yourself to make up you like and do the same? I wear very little makeup so I was happy being in control as I find people who do wear it often think of natural / not much as a very different thing to those of us who wear nothing normally.

Oh, and I thought you handled yourself very well.

EveryoneElsie · 10/06/2016 20:39

No you were not, and I wouldnt have known what to make of her parting comment either.
I hope you find someone suitable for your wedding.

wizzywig · 10/06/2016 20:43

i think you handled it really well. Are there wedding magazines for your ethnicity?

EchoesOfLeon · 10/06/2016 20:43

Definitely find someone new to do it. It's your wedding day and you should feel fabulous!

SecretSix · 10/06/2016 20:45

I had a make-up trial for my wedding, said I wanted a very natural look as I'm pale and don't wear much make up anyway. She covered me in a thick layer of foundation which obliterated my natural features. My mum went back down to tell her we'd manage without her when she found me weeping in the bathroom. Spent a bomb at the Chanel counter and did it myself.

Definitely the right decision OP, I'm sure you'll find someone.

ItWasNeverASkirt · 10/06/2016 20:49

YANBU! It's your big day and you want to look beautiful; you paid her for the trial -- that's exactly why you want to have a trial. No need to feel bad about it at all.

Best of luck finding somebody who is a better fit to do your hair and make-up (have you considered looking for two separate people as they might be more skilled/experienced in each area?).

I did my own make-up after going for a makeover at Mac, getting some great tips, and buying some of the products that I been introduced to and liked. I'm sure other retailers do similar makeovers and you could pick one that you know has good ranges for your skin tone.

Pearlman · 10/06/2016 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katkincake · 10/06/2016 20:50

Yanbu - I wish I'd not carried on with my hair girl. Everyone else's looked good but we were running out of time (blaming my sis for getting to me late) so by time she'd done my hair I had to quickly finish off my make up and get my dress on before rushing out of the house.

She'd given me a tiny sweeping fringe that kept hanging down in my face. I had to subtly try and push it out of my face and in all my photos at the church it's obscuring my face which is upsetting. The curls she gave me also fell out within an hour.

I had two trials with her (£50 each time, fluffin rip off) to get the right look - should have left her doing my mum, sister and nieces and whizzed over to my normal hairdresser (40m away) first thing & just had a good blow dry.

Hope you find someone, even if you have to do it yourself you'll look better. Where are you, as I'd thoroughly recommend the girl that did my makeup she was fab?

LordoftheTits · 10/06/2016 20:51

DH and I got married in NYC and I booked everything via email so wasn't able to meet my hair and make up stylist let alone have a trial. I was so nervous but we looked over my Pinterest boards and discussed what I wanted at length. The result was amazing - I've never looked so good!

I think you did the right thing, OP. No point lying and putting up with sub par service. You paid her fairly.

clarrrp · 10/06/2016 20:52

You definitely need someone who is trained to deal with your hair type - my mum has afro hair and one of the earliest things we learned to do as kids was help with her flat twists - and she had a terrible struggle to find a hairdresser who knew how to deal with her hair.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

KissMyArse · 10/06/2016 20:54

YANBU

Styling both hair and doing make-up too seems a bit 'Jack of all trades' to me but I guess it's not cost-effective to employ both.

I would Google whether there are black make-up artists in your area and take a look at their portfolios.

As an example (this one is London based)

www.malkia.co.uk/#!portfolio-1/sdylk

SoftSheen · 10/06/2016 20:56

YANBU. Make-up should enhance your natural features- not make you look like someone different.

I have very pale skin and very few foundations/powders have the right tone for me. I did my own wedding make-up as I wanted a natural, understated look and I knew which products worked. Perhaps you could consider doing the same?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/06/2016 21:01

YADNBU.

A good friend of mine went out to get her hair and makeup done the morning of her wedding and when she returned and asked "is it ok" I was horrified. It was far too late to do anything about it so I lied and said it looked good. It didn't. She looked like a stunned raccoon wearing a helmet. Actually, she didn't actually look bad, she is a very beautiful woman. She just looked nothing like her usual free, breezy, naturally beautiful self.

I hope you find someone good OP or go to a posh counter in Selfridges and get them to give you a free lesson and then buy lots of lovely new makeup.

Metalhead · 10/06/2016 21:04

YANBU, I hated the make up the lady did at my trial (two versions, both looked far too caked on for my liking) so I did my own on the day. I still got her to do my hair, but if that had been awful too I wouldn't have hesitated to sack her off - it's your big day, you need to feel comfortable, and you'll get over any unnecessary feelings of 'guilt' towards her far more quickly than you would over regretting how you look in your wedding photos!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/06/2016 21:05

No of course you weren't unreasonable. iv been in cosmetics for years and the same rule applies to anybody regardless of skin colour. You ask them if they like foundation an exact match, you ask what kind of finish they like etc. I wonder if she actually didnt have a dark enough foundation in her kit, rather than not knowing how to shade match.

Where abouts are you based?

SpecialStains · 10/06/2016 21:12

See I have a very easy to match fair skin complexion and I ended up doing my own make-up because the trial I had made me orange, and applied so much make-up. The 'make up artist' also said I would need a fake tan so as not to look washed out on the day. I've never in my life felt the need to fake tan and would look ridiculous if I did.

I did my own make-up after practicing a few times in the week running up to it (I don't normally wear much make up) and I'm really happy with how I look in pictures.

Don't worry about it - it's what a trial is for!

GarlicSteak · 10/06/2016 21:12

Actually, coral, have you booked a photographer who knows what they're doing? Ignorance about dark skin is incomprehensibly monolithic in the UK. You need different considerations for the photography, too. It's only a matter of changing the light meter, but too many people end up with dark blobs on fancy clothes in wedding photos!

Re makeup, you might empathise with Thandie Newton and Nykhor Paul.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 10/06/2016 21:21

I had a make over at the Clinique counter, bought the products and did my own make up. I'm very pale and was worried about being caked in make up.

I had my hair done at my normal hairdressers and really wish I'd done it myself. It looked amazing but there were so many pins I had a headache!

eurochick · 10/06/2016 21:30

Yanbu. My trial was a disaster. My hair looked dreadful and was slipping out of shape within five minutes of sitting still. I am pale and asked for natural make up. She caked on inch thick foundation, thick black eyeliner and false eyelashes. I looked like a hooker. I was horrified when i looked in the mirror.

I ended up going to my usual salon and got a fab up do. I did my own make up. I went to make up counters, got lessons/tips and bought some lovely products that lasted me a year for the amount I would have spent on the make up artist.

RobberBride · 10/06/2016 22:50

I had a very similar situation, and had to sack mine after paying for the trial. It was 2 weeks before my wedding which was on a bank holiday sunday, so lots of people were booked or weren't working. I managed to find a separate hair and make up artist; they weren't cheap, but I'm so very very glad I found people I was happy with. Good luck with the search!

99GBPChargeToUseMyPostsJournos · 10/06/2016 22:57

Do people really pay for somebody to do these things for them? Seems very strange to me!

Well, yes. Of course they do!

Not everyone is an expert in hair and make-up. I never wear make-up and my hair is pretty much 'wash and go' - so I would absolutely want someone that actually knows what they are doing to do my hair and make-up for my wedding.