to assume DH would have cancelled this?

[ElodieS]

Disclaimer: I'm tired, stressed and hormonal so there's every chance AIBU!

DTs (4) have CF, and although they're both generally pretty well, DT1 has been in hospital the last week with a chest infection getting IV antibiotics. Because of the risk of infection, DTs can't have contact with each other when one is ill. My work are very good about it when DTs need hospital admission so I usually stay with whoever is in hospital and DH modifies his hours to look after the other twin and do nursery pick up and drop off etc (we usually do one each).

DH was supposed to be going to a stag do tomorrow and I just assumed he'd have cancelled so one of us could be in hospital with DT1 and other with DT2. He hang cancelled at all and has instead arranged for DT2 to spend the whole day and night with some family friends.

I think this is really irresponsible and inconsiderate! I've barely seen DT2 all week so was hoping we could swap and also recognise that both DTs might be needing some extra support from their parents as they've been missing each other lots.

Weigh in, should I just drop this, or am I right?!

Just make sure you get time away I think if it was you who came on and said my friends hen do is tomorrow and Dh is going to be at the hospital and friends are baby sitting posters would be telling you to go have a breather enjoy yourself that's not a dig at you OP I just think that's how it would go

I agree with Mango too. You need to talk more.

When hospital becomes standard, and it does with CF, it stops being something that tops everything. That might not be right but I've never seen it not happen! If T1 is generally okay as they can be in hospital, and the care for T2 is suitable, I don't think it's a huge problem to have a night off.

Is it tomorrow? Could you swap tonight or Sunday, depending on what you'd prefer?

Try to take it easy. Nobody could blame you being touchy at the moment; but being understanding will be more helpful. More flies with honey and all that... I hope T1 is home and well soon, and you're not so stressed.

I think you're probably right, I need to let it go this time and think about another way to get a break. The rage though! I need to contain the slightly irrational rage!

YAB a bit U: he has sorted the childcare.

Yes I would have expected DH to cancel but I'm afraid that men often just don't think. I'd mention it to him to be certain. Hope all goes well for you all.

It's OK to be annoyed you need to tell him you are not to happy about it not to make him feel guilty just how pissed off and raget you are it just sounds hard I hope ypu r dc is home soon

I take my hat off to you managing 4 YO twins with CF - it must be exhausting!

Can he take some time off next week so that you can have a break or will DT1 be out after the weekend?

Who even wants to go on a stag do if their 4YO child is in hospital?

I might call DM and have a bit of a whinge to calm down...

I was a kid in hospital many moons ago and I was in so often that I'm sure my parents went out now and again this is just my opinion but if a child in this case children then hospital becomes your normal so a night out doesn't seem an issue iyswim

It's hard when your child has a chronic medical condition. It's harder when there's another child to also care for. It's even harder when you have more than one child with a chronic medical condition. And it's a bloody nightmare when it's something like CF, when for the safety of your children, you sometimes have to segregate one from the other. Admissions can, of course, be planned not just acute, and not necessarily imply currently being extremely poorly. But routine? Well, kind of, but not in the sense of any sort of routine that you want to have to have. And in the meantime, of course, your other DT also needs their meds, and their physio, which makes proper childcare harder to access.

On the one hand, I can see why you're cross. On the other hand, both of you do sometimes need a break, or you increase your risks of going under. And then it will be even worse for your DTs. Please try to find the chance to talk, communicate, support each other. And then work out when you're getting a nice spa day/night away in return, whilst he looks after the kids.

Hi I have a DD with CF, I agree with poster above sometimes we get so used to hospital stays that it's not a huge deal compared to some who don't experience any hospital stays. Maybe he doesn't mean to be thoughtless and it's just that.

Hope your little one is home and well soon.

Have long term illness I meant to say

What is cf?

I think Yanbu. Your DH should have at least brought it up with you if he wanted to go and discussed it.

Sorry you're not getting a break..Definitely phone your dm for a chat!

Hope your dt is ok.

Any chance of someone being with t1 at the hospital eg. An aunt/grandparent to let you escape for a few hours?

Sounds like you need a break (but so does your DH who has managed to organise his slightly cheekily).

Cf is Cystic fibrosis

I think the people who DON'T think he should cancel have really low expectations. My DP wouldn't want to go off on a jolly in this situation.

Low expectations of what the husband ?

It's a shame you two didn't get to talk about this, but I suppose that's inevitable given the care requirements for the twins.

I think, given the fact that you are pregnant and haven't seen one of your kids all week, that he should have run his plans to absent himself all day past you.

Proper childcare for this weekend woukd have been a relative who could cover his hospital shift.

He has pretty much forced yiu to do it, and miss out on seeing your other child, with asking. That is not fair.

If it were me, I think I would insist on at least a few hours at home with DT2 tomorrow, even if it meanr he had to miss some of the stag.

What's the plan for Sunday? Will he be able to do the hospital shift then?

YANBU

He's being incredibly selfish and irresponsible.

I think if it is just one day and one night - and that if the childcare is sorted and DT2 will be happy, and if he can be back pronto on Sunday and take over the hospital visiting to give you a break and be with DT2 then...maybe yab a little u.

If he won't get back till 5pm and be in a horrible hungover state, then YANBU

I do think he has been selfish about it he should have sorted it with you properly about this

Hmm. In that case I'd expect him to compromise. He helps you out in the day but still gets to go on the night out.

It just feels doubly unfair on the OP.

She's been at the hospital all week with her unwell child and pregnant herself. And now she doesn't want to go out socialising. She just wants to spend time at home with her other child - who presumably has had an unsettled week, too. They are only 4 and must miss the other parent.

And maybe the child in hospital would like to see their other parent also.

I'm all for time off parenting duties when practical, but in this case it just piles more pressure onto the other parent who is already exhausted.

Sounds like you both have a busy quite stressful life. He was obviously looking forward to enjoying this night out and given that he has arranged suitable childcare I think it would be quite mean to make him feel bad about it.