AIBU re friend 'pushing' cancer 'cure' info at me.. possible trigger

[alltoomuchrightnow]

I'm not sure if I am, too sad and overwhelmed right now.

DP's lovely DSIS is dying right now of terminal cancer (she's also my close friend)
I've also just had bad news re a much loved relative , also with incurable cancer; this came totally out of the blue so everyone's in shock, obviously most of all them (relative was not actually ill but they might only have a short time now)

Friend (more acquaintance really) has been sending me links for months on FB etc to a certain man's site /theories etc . She is convinced that anyone that follows this man's advice can be cured. I asked her for proof and if she knew anyone who had.. no not personally she said but it's true and even the most incurable can be cured IF they believe and follow his diet/ advice
I have lost people to bone cancer and I thought that was incurable , for example, but I am no expert on cancer. My uncle stayed positive but died of bowel cancer. etc etc (and ate healthily, never smoked/ drank etc)

She has been sending me the links for ages to send to DSis in law as she says that she can be saved if she reads it/acts on it. But DSIS is the most positive, cheerful optimistic person I've ever met. She still is even though she possibly has weeks left. Her fighting attitude is sadly not saving her. Cancer too aggressive and a rare form.

Acquaintance thinks if she follows this man's advice it can be turned around still. It's like she's brainwashed.
Anyway I told her the sad news re my relative and lo and behold she's bombarding me with the links again. That if I show my relative., then they has the option to be cured…if they follow the advice…
I keep telling her that my relative is in absolute shock and has asked NOT to be contacted in any way (has asked to contact their sibling only..it was sibling that broke the news to me and rest of family) as relative cannot cope with the phone calls and messages as is just breaking down with the reality of the diagnosis , thought of leaving small children behind etc

I tell acquaintance that I have to respect relative's wishes and that we are there for them if they ask us to be but have to leave them alone in the mean time whilst they try to come to terms
I feel that acquaintance is basically thinking I'm signing relative's death certificate by not forcing them to watch/read the info (and act on it)

But I know acquaintance is well meaning. She is trying to help.
AIBU to think that some things can't be cured (but might be able to buy more time) or just too pessimistic. I didn't used to be like that but I've lost quite a few people to cancer , most recent being a childhood friend (who also stayed very positive and optimistic/ non bitter, to the end)

She does not get that relative does not want to be contacted and is far too broken to read/ watch anything like that. That is their choice, I respect that.
But what if she's right?? But I know I'd really hurt my relative by disrespecting their wishes and would probably find it pointless and patronising. Acquaintance cannot believe that I'm not going to 'make' relative see/ read what this 'curer' has to say

Its so sad that people are so brainwashed. My Nan was in the Royal Marsden and if there had been any chance of a treatment - they would have tried it.
They helped her do her Macrobiotic diet, and this was in the 1980's when it was not at all mainstream. They also used aromatherapy to help with the patients appetite, giving them rosemary oil to sniff.
That wasnt just the nurses, that was her consultants as well.

Just block her. Anyone that obsessed is not going to listen to reason.
The NHS would 'make money out of cancer' (ie continue to offer treatment) whatever the source, and the claims that Big Pharma blocks these 'valid treatments' is completely bogus.

Sincere condolences OP

Tell her to do one and never mention it again do it in front of someone else so you have a witness. If she doesnt shut up just communicate with whatever it is you have to see her about and ignore all the rest until she gets the message, if she doesnt stop then, say it as plain as you can.... F the F off with your quack crap and get a life.

If you have to see her through work then complain to her boss about her harrassing you.

Its pathetic to think that some git on the internet has the cure that the rest of the worlds scientists havent yet discovered, ask her to get her IQ tested while she is at it!

The only thing that works with this sort of person is to be blunt to the point of rudeness and tell them to stop with this rubbish because you find it upsetting. Delete all emails and text messages unread and block her on social media. You really need to stop talking to her and telling her anything about your family as she isn't supportive or kind towards you.

I've had cancer, and a dear friend is currently going through it. I would have absolutely no hesitation in telling her to F off. Why are you being so polite to this insensitive ghoulish loon?

Cancer patients have quite enough to deal with, without all this alternative bollox.

She is not right. She doesn't mean well if you have asked her to stop sending the stuff, she is harassing you and being a nuisance.

I read an interesting booklet today (whilst waiting for mum to finish radiotherapy) written by MacMillan entitled " how to talk to someone with cancer". In the "what not to say" section it states not to bombard the person with remedies, research, treatments etc. Without being asked to and not to talk about other people who have/had cancer and what they did. It is not helpful and can be very upsetting. Perhaps you could direct her to that?

YANBU. As someone earlier said, it is illegal to claim to cure cancer unless you have proof. Ask her for the peer reviewed scientific proof or tell her to shut the fuck up. This makes me so cross, charlatans preying on people at their most vulnerable. A so called friend of mine tried to peddle some of her pyramid scheme magic cream on me claiming it would cure my mum's cancer. She is no longer my friend. Be really clear with her, you don't need this right now xxx

I'd be inclined to go back to the gullible one and say you did mention it and they didn't want to hear any more. Yes it's a fun but they believe a pile of horseshit anyway...

Oh dyac and your inappropriate 'corrections'
FIB. Not fun.

Unfortunately, wherever there is terminal illness, there will be snake oil vendors. Just one of those things.

My mum was big on natural cures and Big Pharma conspiracy theories ( any kind of conspiracy theories, in fact. Last time I spoke to her face to face, she was trying to convince me that David Icke made sense). She refused chemo as "that was mustard gas under another name" and took "vitamin B17".

She died a year and a half ago.

Sometimes people do go into spontaneous remission, and no one really knows why, but you can bet your last penny that there will be someone ready to claim credit.

Ask the acquaintance to cease and desist. You will not be responsible for your relatives' death if you do not send them the links, and acquaintance is being very U by putting you in a situation where you end up feeling that way.

Sorry you've had such grim news about people you love- how grim! Well done on keeping this feckwit away from them....

I think you've probably been way too nice to this idiot... What about something like:

As I have said previously... Thanks for your concern but I don't find this unscientific untested research helpful... I won't be passing it on.. Please don't send any more. I am upset enough. (if you continue I shall have to block you)

My terminally ill friend and relative are completely poleaxed by their diagnoses, they do NOT want to see these scams and want to concentrate on enjoying their remaining time.

Is it 'the truth about cancer'?

Some of his stuff is good advice, mixed in with very VERY dubious advice - but to claim that it cures cancer... Well... If you look at his videos of people his information 'cured' - usually it is people that have been through normal cancer treatment, but have been advised to have more (chemo or radiotherapy). But amazingly it's the cannabis oil or frankincense that cured them... Yeah right!

When I say very good advice, I mean general heath improving advice, not specifically anti-cancer

Urgghh, a friend of mine told me to stop using my inhaler for asthma and instead to eat a specific diet (lots of aloe vera products alongside a very restricted gluten-free sugar-free everything-free diet iirc). I asked her for a source and she gave me a link to a website which claimed it could cure a multitude of things, including cancer, diabetes, and AIDS .

When I replied saying that it's dangerous advice, especially for potentially deadly conditions such as Cancer, she started telling me that I was a "sheep" and "gullible" and had been taken in by "big pharma"... and she got her brother to start messaging me the same kind of things as well.

As an aside, she's an anti-vaxxer who believes that vaccines cause autism... Her son, who has never had a vaccine, has just been diagnosed with autism. But she still doesn't question any of her pseudo-science beliefs

Oh dear. That reminds me of my mum again (see post above). I.had asthma as a child, and she wouldn't let me use an inhaler and instead pushed for extensive allergy testing and dietary changes. Coincidence or not, but she did appear to be right... Once the worst allergens were identified and removed from my environment, my asthma went and never came back.

I still remember how it felt to know that something existed that would relieve my symptoms (inhaler) and not being allowed to use it, and would not recommend this approach to anyone. Besides, even if something does work for one person, it does not follow it will work for all.

Vaccinations too - my DD was.born just after the MMR contoversy erupted and before the research linking it to autism was discredited. Add to that Mum in my ear, and I just wasn't going to let DD have it.

I am sort of glad I didn't, as at least once DD was diagnosed with AS, I knew tthat could not have been the cause. She had her MMR afterwards !

There was no reasoning with Mum though. She was convinced that DD was either vaccinated without me knowing, or she simply did not have autism. Either or, no other possibility !

Honestly,tell her to shove her cure up her ass and to fuck off! I have no patience with this type of people.

P.s. Really sorry for what you and your relatives are going through x

I have one of these friends, it drives me nuts.

This was in The Guardian recently www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/26/do-not-tell-cancer-patients-cures-they-could-be-doing

If this thing worked, doctors would be using it.

You are being far too polite to an acquaintance who sounds thoughtless, self-indulgent and unkind. Some people get a kick out of swooping in like a saviour by shouting that they've found a cure. It's all for them-they don't think about sensible things like the cruelty of false hope, or how the cure claims could possibly be true given how the human body actually works, or that someone recently diagnosed might be in too much distress right now to think about any treatment.

I'd tell her to fuck right off.

It's absolute bollocks and makes me furious. What sort of sense does it even make to these people? If there was a miracle cure do they seriously not think the (chronically debt-ridden, obviously) NHS would be prescribing it to all and sundry rather than spending millions on cancer treatments?

yes it is, 99GBP

Ugh. If this stuff worked, the doctors would prescribe it. They WANT people to be cured, it's what they're for.

We just heard from his sister's husband. She is coming out of hospital to die at home and just has weeks now. Nothing they can do. Just heartbroken. She's my age. This time last year she was her usual active self, horseriding and running around . She was worried her husband had cancer as it runs in his side of the family. He got good news after tests and a couple of months later she started getting sick.... cruel twist of fate (obviously happy that his DBro in law didnt have it but you know what I mean!)

I'm so sorry. My mum died young of cancer last year, she was really healthy just shit luck. Before she died she went on holiday and met a woman who said she could cure cancer. I was livid. Please make the most of your remaining time-tested thought we had months and suddenly had days. Big hugs xx

So sorry to hear your sister's prognosis. I hope you can all make her last few weeks as comfortable as possible.

As far as the insensitive 'cure' pusher goes, I would post the Guardian article linked to above on your Facebook page and tag her. Or just email it to her.