Aibu not to remind DH?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate]

I am 99% certain that he has forgotten that he booked a swimming trial/assessment for DD this evening. DD is 3.5, DH booked it because the lessons are on Saturdays so he would be able to go with her as a DH&DD activity. Tonight's thing is an initial visit to see which class she would go into.
I am tempted to let him face the consequences of his lack of organisation for once; I don't think DD is aware it's happening as he hasn't mentioned it to her and it was booked a month ago, so she wouldn't feel let down by him.

In general DH is a good guy but he tends to force me into the 'life admin' by avoiding things. He never shirks his role as father though.

So wibu to make this his problem or aibu and petty and should just remind him?

Just remind him or put a note on the fridge, if he forgets its your DD that misses out

sounds like I might be u then. It just does my head in having to remember everything for everyone all the time.

What happens when you forget?

Both me and dh can be forgetful. But neither of us blame the other when it happens.

If you are getting the blame for not reminding him, fair enough, be annoyed.

Take a look at the incompetent husband thread. Ring any bells, OP?

If he's booked it and not written it on the calendar then how does he think you supposed to remember? Depends how important swimming is vs him getting a message long term. If in a week he remembers and gets upset you can be super nice and play the oh yes I thought it must be coming up but it wasn't written on the calendar so it slipped my mind too card. Maybe if his actions actually start having a negative impact he will be lie inclined to try harder. He can always take her swimming the two of them for fun.

we now have a google calender...ideally I'd make the children have it too, but they are too grown up now.

dh has always done shiftwork, and I worked around that, so it was a nightmare organising childcare/appointments, and all the more so if dhsomeone does not refer to existing commitments.

Anyhoo...after a rocky start of "but whhhhhhhhhhy??" and "i caaaaaaaaaaaaan't" dh knows that if it's not on the calendar it's not happening and do not book something over something else without checking first.

He was also a little ludditeish about the google one, but it's on his phone and he's away and running with it! So all is good

I even put the bin rota in there last week. Rubbish and Food bins out tonight in case you were wondering.

Guybrush - I think I would remind him this time, but warn him clearly that you won't be reminding him again - so the next time he forgets something, he will have to bear the consequences, and explain to the children, if his lack of organisation has led to them missing out on something.

And I say this as someone who is not good at remembering appointments - so I do have a little sympathy for him. Not a lot, though, because I have transformed my level of organisation by making good use of a smart phone. I make sure to put all my appointments on the smart phone calendar straight away, with an alert set in good time to remind me - and now I don't miss things because I've forgotten them.

I say don't remind him. Natural consequences.

As long as you keep picking up the slack, he'll keep using you to pick up the slack.

DH booked it because the lessons are on Saturdays so he would be able to go with her as a DH&DD activity

On the basis [irritating as fuck though it is] that otherwise the swimming will be further delayed or not happen at all / and you might get some spare time out of it, I'd remind him.

He may well have had a reminder already via text or email if the apt is via a larger organisation/gym. I get one from all sort of places now like hairdressers, GPs etc.

"Mum's Family Calendar" - That just pisses me off.

There's actually a review for it on Amazon entitled
"A great calendar for my wife to keep my life organised" MY wife, MY life FFS

We have a shared Google calendar too.

DH ignores it. If I remind him of something in it, he'll say "what? oh yes I think I saw something about that". Somehow a reminder from me works whereas a reminder from his phone doesn't except when it's to do with work .

Tread and Kidnapped, absolutely. Bit depressing in this day and age.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm well aware of the 'wifework' problem and have been addressing it in increments recently (stopped buying gifts/sending cards to his family unless he specifically asks me to help him as a favour if I'm going to the shops anyway) I know his good and bad qualities and this is really the only bad one - but it's a biggie.

My only reservation about leaving it to the last moment to remind him is that DD will be confused and possibly upset by the sudden change of routine. She is NT but still, at 3 I try to let her know what's happening and when.

I'm at a point of frustration over stuff like this that I'd let him forget and DD would have to wait until the next time. It's not a man thing, it's pure ignorance. My husband probably wouldn't even remember after he'd missed it tbh, I'd have to arrange it myself and take her myself.

I put everything into my office, home, DH's office and home calendar. He has no excuse
I also write up the sodding fridge calendar mostly for my own benefit to be fair.

So I'm no stranger to this issue, but it still fucks me right off to have ffing stationary branded specifically for ME.

Make a big wall planner. You can get a roll of lining paper from most Pound Shops.
You dont need to remember everything, they need to remember to write stuff on the calendar/planner.

5.30pm: "Right, I'm heading or for a nice glass of wine seeing as you're taking dd swimming. Have a great evening, bye!"

5.30pm: "Right, I'm heading or for a nice glass of wine seeing as you're taking dd swimming. Have a great evening, bye!"

Oh, that's good!

Out, not or. I've had a glass of wine.

I'd go with a pp suggestion and remind him, but be clear you can't step in. You could send him the glass of wine message now, taking that approach, and he's got an hour then to get his shit together.

I wouldn't remind him. He wants to do a DH&DD activity, then he needs to step up.

Otherwise, imo, you could be micromanaging the DH/DD activity for years. Mine went swimming for a long time.

DH home and has obviously forgotten. He's supervising DDs eating tea and has made no mention of heading out afterwards. It's crunch time.
I've not said anything yet...

This is a really unhealthy place you're in Guy - this sort of thing is a total relationship killer. I'm not at all saying that you should be reminding him of things. This is a problem that needs a proper solution, asap.

If I was in your husband's shoes, and my partner chose not to remind me until it was too late/after the event, I would be not at all happy with their methods. It's a form of manipulation; it's in your daughter's interests to go and this is not a productive way to teach your dh to be more organised.

fascicle, but what if OP hasn't remembered? Her H has no right to be pissed off - it's not her thing to remember, so no reason why she should, especially if it has slipped his mind, the one who has planned and organised this whole thing as a dad and DD activity.

Guybrush, just don't say anything, when he remembers you will be surprised as it's not something that was on your radar either.