to think a child should have a proper bed to sleep in?

[wronghairdontcare]

The DC concerned are staying with family friends for several months whilst renovation works are done to their home. During that time they will only have airbed/ foam mattress to sleep on....aibu to think given that this isn't just a few days they should have proper beds?

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

If the airbeds are causing them such discomfort, why not bypass them entirely and encourage the kids to sleep on the actual floor?

Supposedly this is really good for the back/posture. And they'll get to feel properly like Oliver Twist.

[wronghairdontcare]

Im not arrogant Paul and have displayed no such behaviour on this thread. Really don't get your dog in the manger attitude.

There's no way for anyone to get a response from their DM or initiate any discussion, so clearly it will just have to be left there and DC advised to suck it up. I hope they are playing it rather than actually in pain because they have at least another couple of months of this to go.

[OracleofDelphi]

Op stop for a minute.... you say you are part of their DF family group, but not a step mum.... You dont know where they live, or how to contact mother, but you seem to spend enough time with these children, for them to nearly be in tears about temporary beds at a temporary home.

You must be very close to them as I dont know any 8-10 year olds who would divuldge this information during a casual "say hello to our auntie" kind of chat.

DF must have a way (you have already said email) to contact otherwise what would happen if the DC got taken to hospital in his care - he would have no way to tell the mother ? What would happen if he was suddenly ill and couldnt have them for arranged access?

I am no family law lawyer but surely unless there is a direct threat to the DM wellbeing from DF he should have the right to know their address.

8-10 years old will also know as mine have known their address from about 3 or 4... something doesnt add up here OK.

If we all said YANBU, it still wouldnt help - as if what you have said is true you cant do anything about it in anycase? So just wondering why ask?

[wronghairdontcare]

Contact is email only. That's it. There is nothing else. Even emergency/ last minute issues are by email. It's not that I don't know other contact details, there are none.

Anyway, I get the message, and won't post further.

[00100001]

I think I would leave it to the Dad to sort out tbh and you both say to the kids "Oh well, it's not forever, and Dad has asked Mum, hasn't he? Why don;t you try sleeping on the floor for a bit, or something?"

[kinkytoes]

How is contact facilitated exactly? Do the children use public transport alone to visit their father? I cannot see how there are no lines of communication other than email.

[wronghairdontcare]

They don't use public transport. They are mostly picked up from/dropped off at school/holiday club. One pick up is done from their DF's house by their DM, but she waits in her car until DC go out and won't (or certainly hasn't up to now) be engaged in conversation.

[AppleMagic]

So one of them sleeps on an airbed and one of them sleeps on a foldout bed.

So they do have beds. It doesn't sound neglectful and presumably their mother has decided that it's worth it in the short term to facilitate the renovations which will have a positive impact on their lives.

to the point of tears

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Ah but not actually crying though Apple. Op backtracked on that rather emotive statement.

[123lekl]

From my knowledge of child protection and from various things others with much more knowledge have posted on here, lack of proper beds is a child protection issue.

Oh ffs

[windygales]

Yes the sleeping arrangements is a child protection issue. Agree with that or not but it is.

[windygales]

I really don't understand why everyone's being horrid to the op.
You can't do right for doing wrong it seems. It's ok to ask questions on the lives of children

[00100001]

OK, so OP ring SS

OP: "these children are slepeing ona fold out bed!"
SS: "OK, where do they live"
OP "errrmmmm...."

[windygales]

Like I said why so nasty to op

[123lekl]

It's while their house is renovated. It's not permanent and there's no signs of neglect, even op admits that.
It's a SS issue if it's part of a bigger issue which there's no indication that this is.

[123lekl]

Air beds might not be ideal or as good as a proper bed during a house renovation....... So hey lets ring SS and cause disruption, anxiety and stress for a family because we are interfering and judgmental mumsnetters and that's what we do best

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

windygales Not to be a bitch but do you have any idea about Child Protection? Children sleeping on an adequate alternative to a proper bed, during a renovation, is not a CP issue.

[windygales]

It's a SS issue if it's part of a bigger issue which there's no indication that this is.

This is what I mean.

[windygales]

Yes Paul I have. But see my previous comment

[ThatStewie]

If the father were upset about this, he could email to raise the issue.

I have to say, though, there are only 2 reasons why a father wouldn't have access to contact details such as home address and mobile number: 1) he's too lazy to ask; 2) he is prohibited from any contact other than email due to domestic violence. Men who have a history of coercive control and other forms of domestic violence up to and including threats of/ severe physical violence against the partner can be given unsupervised access to the children but be prohibited by court orders from communicating directly with the other.

The second is the most common.

[Discobabe]

How often do you see these children? If it's that bad I'm sure the school will pick up on it and deal with it as necessary.

[AnnaMarlowe]

I would be interested to know how the parents got to the point that the children's father doesn't have any contact details barring email.

However even in that case, I don't understand why the father can't nicely email the Mum, mentioning that the children are distressed by the sleeping arrangements and offering to fund/part fund better mattresses.

I'm sorry you aren't finding the thread helpful. What were you looking for from it? We can't say whether it's unreasonable or notbecause we haven't seen the beds (and neither have you). We've made some practical suggestions of next steps, but these don't seem
to work for you. Did you just want to vent?

The contact arrangements are unusual enough to raise some big questions about this situation.

[00100001]

stewie "I have to say, though, there are only 2 reasons why a father wouldn't have access to contact details such as home address and mobile number: 1) he's too lazy to ask; 2) he is prohibited from any contact other than email due to domestic violence...."


or
3) she is prohibited from any contact other than email due to domestic violence towards him.

4) She could be spiteful and refuse to speak to him if the split was not amicable

5) She's too lazy to tell him?

6) she doesn't have a mobile number?

You have no clue what the reasons for the lack of communication are, so why would you assume it was all his fault?

[wallywobbles]

I slept on a bed and mattress from ww2 for 5 years. It was appalling like a scratchy hairy banana but I survived.

[wallywobbles]

If they are that uncomfortable they should sleep in the floor like most of the world does.