to think a child should have a proper bed to sleep in?

[wronghairdontcare]

The DC concerned are staying with family friends for several months whilst renovation works are done to their home. During that time they will only have airbed/ foam mattress to sleep on....aibu to think given that this isn't just a few days they should have proper beds?

[milliemolliemou]

Clearly you're bowing out. My only utterance is that - while I agree with most posters that most kids (and adults like me) can sleep on duvets/sponge mattresses/hard floor for months, it might be the complaints are either moaning or a genuine ask for concern. I cannot believe the only contact in emergencies is email - presumably the school will have contact numbers? Presumably the DF can contact school to ask for new address unless he is barred from contact there? Or email for new address? Or could give DC one off mobile?

[IFinishedTheBiscuits]

Request the sofa broke my heart...

I showed my 7 year old and he was visibly upset too.

[RequestInUse]

IFinished some of those pictures are sad and thought provoking.

The tyres.

Sofa on the street.

The 14year old pregnant girl and no proper bed.

Although one poor boy had a proper mattress out on the streets. Wonder if OP would think that one is ok as there is a proper mattress involved....

[IFinishedTheBiscuits]

I felt very guilty about our kids living in a caravan while we built a house. And it can be cold and uncomfortable. Then saw the pictures below and realised they're lucky, it's temporary, they're well looked after.

jamesmollison.com/books/where-children-sleep/

[kittybiscuits]

There's no one quite like grandma.

I am wondering if your son was abusive and that's why it's email contact only.

It's not ideal. You don't seem to have other concerns about the children though. You do seem quite resentful about the arrangements for contact. I really hope that the children aren't being quizzed or interrogated during contact . That really would be a concern.

[Louisee82]

Sorry just read further. So are you a relative of the fathers then? His sister? Girlfriend?? Sounds like you're nitpicking with the mother to make her look a bad parent. ODD!

[Louisee82]

Sounds to me the real issue,OP,is that you have a problem with the parents and are nitpicking, a jealousy issue perhaps or perhaps their parenting just doesn't fit with your idea of parenting. Do you have children of your own? How about concentrating on them rather than spending ages being judgey on here? If the kids are in pain (genuinely) then this needs addressing with the parents. If you're a nanny etc perhaps bring this up with the parents but I think throwing the child safeguarding issue over a couple of temporary beds when if they're renovating they're probably doing it so kids have a nicer home isn't on. Is that the root of the issue here? They're soon to have a lovely new home & you're jealous? I don't mean to sound horrible but this is a very odd post IMO. Hope the kids are ok anyway

[TheStoic]

OP if your and your boyfriend's concern is genuine, do something about it.

Email the mum, contact her family, contact the kids' school - don't just say 'I can't' to every suggestion.

If we had all agreed with you, what would your next step have been?

[Senpai]

Assuming this is an innocent situation with a large scale temporary renovation, I would think the children should live with the father who has beds, since it's temporary.

Or.. the mother should be buying mattresses for them. If she can afford expensive renovations, she can certainly afford mattresses which she needs to buy them anyway by the sounds of it. If there's room for an air mattress, there's room for a real one.

But it's not a child protection issue, it's something the mother and father need to work out. You don't have to be considerate of your children, although it would be nice to make a large transition easier on them. They'll live and be no worse off for it.

[happybee1]

DAWN, on a different subject. I find it very interesting that your DC refused to sleep on their bed. My DS has behavioural issues but didn't get a diagnosis of ADHD or ADD but he has taken to leaving his bed to sleep on the floor, says he sleeps better there. I have tried to get him to sleep in his bed but he refuses.
Op, the kids may be upset at having had to leave their home so may be complaining. It's not a child protection issue, they have somewhere to sleep and it's only temporary.

[sambly]

Sounds like there are some other issues not being disclosed here. They moved secretly, and there are conditions preventin him from having the address. Why OP?
Please reassure us that this is not due to domestic or other abuse from DF, as that would shed a whole new light on this.

[katekins]

I think the whole Japanese culture might disagree with the whole child protection issue as they would have most of the nation's children removed. Apparently it's one of the healthiest ways to sleep according to them.

[Moistly]

This is all a bit vague and like others have said there is no way to really help the OP due to the circumstances.
But all the "I slept on a floor for 3 months and it did me no harm" comments? Oh come on it's still not ideal is it.

[Ladyonashortfuse]

DH and I and usually both DC too have been sleeping on a camping mattress/futon for over a year (moving around a lot) so can't see the problem really!

[ItWasNeverASkirt]

You sound like the DF, OP, trying to thinly disguise your relationship. You are trying to pick fault with the DM and not listening to the fact that everyone is telling you YABU to fuss over the mattress situation.

[KateInAState78]

When we had building work done, ds slept on a thin camping mat on the floor. He told us he was comfortable and seemed to sleep well. This was for 2 months. We're reasonably tough though and regularly go camping, so it's not as if he's delicate or anything!

[Worcswoman]

Woodley - were you deprived of a bed as a child? Are your current problems the result of sleeping on a temporary foam mattress for 6 months? Or have you slept in a bed but have back problems anyway?

[iamnotwhat]

I couldn't think of the words to write, but you've put it eloquently Decaff. Exactly my thoughts

[Worcswoman]

Yes YABU.

It's temporary for a reason.

If the children are being harmed, which it doesnt sound like they are, tell the DF to do something about it like offer to fund alternatives.

You offer to fund alternatives.

YABU as you are supposing a GREAT DEAL here yet knowing nothing. You seem to have an animus against the DM. You've not actually seen the sleeping arrangements. Nor attempted to contact the DM? Do so and mention your concerns about child protection and neglect - she'll reply. Sell tickets please for her response. I'd pay to watch that exchange.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

It sounds as though the mother makes efforts towards the children having a nice house to live in, evidenced by renovations. The fold out bed is temporary (I know the sort you are referring to). The kids are typically in proper beds, as evidenced by their complaints. Unless you have good reason to believe that the mother is incapable of making responsible decisions over the childrens' care, this temporary issue wouldn't signify a safeguarding issue, or any kind of failure to provide.

You've been given good advice on how to calm the children if the complain. Children pick up on emotional queues and noticed if an adult enjoys hearing that things aren't great, they'll feed that for the emotional reward. So be careful with your reactions unless you really do have genuine reasons to worry about their care.

[woodly2013]

Any other than the 'occasional' should be in proper beds for me. Humans have no amount of trouble with being up right and ongoing back, neck, spinal issues caused by numerous factors, beds being one of them. Children are growing and developing and need correct lumbar support. Both myself and me ex DH have back issues and oh so many people I know. It just maybe me BUT when my DS was born I even made sure his cot mattress was of a high standard and have continued to do so throughout the years.

[UnderaRock]

YABU my 10 year old will leave her bed at night TO sleep on the floor. She'd love an air mattress

[00100001]

And you don't know that he hasn't asked for them

[00100001]

stewie The pint I was making is it isn't necessarily that dad's fault. You're jumping to conclusions. unfair ones at that.

[ThatStewie]

1. Female perpetrators of domestic violence against a male partner are statistically small as the vast majority of perpetrators against male or female partners and children are men.
   

1. If he wanted more contact details and she refused, he could make an application to the court. The likelihood of being denied even with a history of domestic violence is small.
   

Op is on about the father not having contact details. Balls in his court. If he chooses not to ask for them, that's his problem.