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Original poster

Was my son wrong to keep this tip?

64 replies

Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 20:13

DS is at college and was doing front of house.

The deal is any tips they get they have to put in a jar which goes towards the college for any trips or whatever. A lovely woman gave him a £5.00 tip and DS thanked her and told her that he would put it in the jar. Woman said she wanted him to personally have it because he did such a good job, again he said it had to go in the jar and then she put it in the jar herself.

Minutes later she asked for a handshake, she shook his hand and handed him £1.00 stealthily not so stealthily and said she really wanted him to keep it for himself.

He kept it. He got caught and he needs to meet with his tutor tomorrow and he thinks he's going to get told it was wrong to keep it.

Not a big deal but he asked what my MN friends would have done Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:20

Doing front of house is bad grammar for he was working front of house... serving food.

He's going to put it in the pot tomorrow and explain it to the tutor and as LilacInn suggested he will tell her how he would handle it better in future.

He is socially awkward. He is very young in his ways and has the maturity of someone around two years younger than him so he doesn't always handle things as well as he could but he is learning a hell of a lot doing this kind of work, that's for sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:24

'Tips are shared, you son was stealing off the other workers...not on.
£1 or £100 it's wrong.'

No he didn't steal from anyone. Please don't make him out to be a thief who steals of the others workers, his friends.

They don't get any of the tips, ever.

It goes back into the college. The pound was extra, the college got the same amount, the customer was never going to give them £6.00

I agree he shouldn't have kept it, but I don't agree he stole it from others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:26

It's not a stupid system especially for all the hard working staff stuck in the kitchen.

He's at college doing a catering course. The restaurant is run entirely by students. The kitchen staff (which he also does) doesn't get a penny of the tips either. None of them do.

It all goes back to the college.

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foursillybeans · 08/06/2016 21:28

Sadly it sounds like a life lesson for your DS. I feel sorry for him. It's harsh if he gets in trouble for it and petty but if the rule is clear about splitting the tips then he should have just put it in the jar when he left.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 08/06/2016 21:29

He was put on the spot. Twice. I guess he didn't want to offend the customer but he also didn't want to accept the tip as he clearly knows the rules as shown when he said he couldn't accept it for himself. The woman then continued to put him on the spot which was wrong of her.

In my opinion he didn't willingly steal. I feel sorry for him.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 08/06/2016 21:31

And the other student probably saw the woman insist and saw the OP's son feeling awkward, but decided to be a little grass anyway. Some friend he/she is!

SaucyJack · 08/06/2016 21:32

I dunno if you saw my earlier comment, but if he's doing a catering course then it probably is necessary that his tutor speaks to him about it.

If he's aiming to work in commercial catering, then not pocketing tips that are intended for the communal jar is something he needs to learn.

Ratty667 · 08/06/2016 21:32

Sorry my mistake, why would they take Any tips then?

sirfredfredgeorge · 08/06/2016 21:33

The deal is any tips they get they have to put in a jar which goes towards the college for any trips or whatever

Ignoring the point of the tip should've gone in the communal pot as if it was a proper tipping system it should've and that's been pretty much agreed in the thread. But the tips not going to the staff is disgusting hopefully the government will complete their consultation and end the college taking advantage of it...

www.gov.uk/government/news/government-takes-action-on-tipping-practices-to-secure-a-fair-deal-for-workers

SaucyJack · 08/06/2016 21:34

*i know the customer didn't intend the tip for the communal jar, but the restaurant has a communal jar.

She needs to teach him how to deal with it in future.

PurpleDaisies · 08/06/2016 21:35

Colleges are massively underfunded these days. It isn't absolutely dreadful that the tips go to the college. He is also there to learn, not make a living.

Hope it all sorts itself out.

Cel982 · 08/06/2016 21:37

Of course he didn't steal, he's a kid and was put in an awkward position by a well-meaning but misguided adult. Learning to do what you know to be right despite a nice adult telling you otherwise is an important life lesson. Tell him just to tell the truth, OP, any teacher with half a brain will see it for what it was.

lougle · 08/06/2016 21:38

U2HasTheEdge it doesn't really matter why he pocketed the £1 though. He did. I think (speaking as a mother to a child who could be described as socially awkward) that the very best thing you can do is focus on his actions.

He knew the rule. He knew the money had to go in the pot. He should have put the money in the pot.

It's like my Mum always used to say: "If you were told to jump off a cliff, would you?" Sadly, children who are a bit vulnerable may just do it, but we can empower them to think for themselves.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:39

Thanks for your opinions.

He is worrying a lot and regrets the way he handled it. He agrees that he should have stuck by the rules and said the £1.00 was not worth all the worrying he is now doing.

If he's aiming to work in commercial catering, then not pocketing tips that are intended for the communal jar is something he needs to learn.

I agree with that.

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NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/06/2016 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:43

It's like my Mum always used to say: "If you were told to jump off a cliff, would you?" Sadly, children who are a bit vulnerable may just do it, but we can empower them to think for themselves.

He is very vulnerable for many reasons and I agree with you that we need to empower them to think for themselves. Mostly he is getting pretty good at doing that and I think he learned a good lesson today.

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DeathStare · 08/06/2016 21:43

No he didn't steal from anyone. Please don't make him out to be a thief who steals of the others workers, his friends.

But he did steal it. This was money that belonged to his college. He had been instructed by his supervisor tips had to go in the jar and instead he chose to pocket himself.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it is crime of the century. And it was clearly committed out of immaturity and being in a difficult situation. But it is still stealing.

UterusUterusGhali · 08/06/2016 21:46

Yeah, if he wants a career in catering this is pretty poor form.

You live you learn. But it all goes in the pot.

One of the things that makes a career in hospitality tolerable is the camaraderie. That needs to be nurtured. If you bogart tips, you will not enjoy your job. You wouldn't even keep your job that long tbh.

I hope his studies go well! It's an exciting field!

greenfolder · 08/06/2016 21:50

In my direct experience many teens and indeed adults would have kept the quid. Especially when the customer was so insistent. It's a valuable part of vocational education that he learns from experiences like this. It's a shame though that students don't see the benefits of the tips jar though. When I worked in a fe college the tips jar at the restaurant and hairdressers were used for end of year treats for the students.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:50

He doesn't want a career in catering anymore. A long sad story, some might remember the long thread about what happened to him not so long ago.

He never got the love for it back when he was assaulted in his first group of 'friends'. It's a shame, but he will see this year out then he is doing fine art.

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fascicle · 08/06/2016 21:50

Technically it might have been wrong, but I think your ds's actions were understandable, and that others in his position would have done the same. He clearly wasn't trying to be dishonest - he'd already done the right thing with the first tip, and it might have seemed churlish to put the second nominal tip in the jar - it was evidently not what the customer wanted.

Your son was obviously doing a good job, for the customer to be so determined to recognise his work.

Out of interest, is it made clear that any tips will go to the college and not the waiting staff?

fascicle · 08/06/2016 21:50

Made clear to the customers, that is.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 08/06/2016 21:51

Im still hoping he will change his mind because I believe that without that experience he would still have wanted to be a chef... but I'm going off point.

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greenfolder · 08/06/2016 21:52

Poor lad. I hope he finds a path that suits him next year.

lougle · 08/06/2016 21:55

Don't despair! I think £1 at college is a brilliant way to learn this lesson. I sincerely hope that his college tutor will see it the same way.

My DD2 who is 8 (the socially awkward and vulnerable one) was really anxious about having a certain teacher this week. It turns out she has been caught 'just about to cut her topic book with scissors' by this teacher the last time they'd met Shock. We talked it over and agreed that it was not a good thing to do. But then I reminded her that she is an 8 year old, and 8 year olds do daft things...it's part of the job of being an 8 year old. And Mum's and teachers have the job of pointing out which things are daft and shouldn't be repeated. Like cutting books with scissors!!

As long as he learns from this it will be worth itFlowers