To want to know when BIL is dropping by?

[Helgathehairy]

I know this is trivial but I'm hot and pregnant and possibly too easily annoyed.

BIL lives 25 mins drive away - not far in the grand scheme of things. He has never called and asked am I home (I'm a SAHM), he just calls if I'm not home. (DH had a word about the phone calls because I'd answer the phone and his exact words used to be "hello, where are you" in almost a rude tone of voice).

AIBU to just want a bit of notice. Today I just noticed him in time to put my bra back on!
Also if the front door is unlocked he'll just walk straight in even though I've told him he's frightened me a few times.

[MoreGilmoreGirls]

My family does not do this. I'm happy to entertain pre arranged guests but people do not just bloody turn up.

[Helgathehairy]

I can't just hide - DD would give the game away - plus due to where I live I can't really go anywhere without the car. Plus knowing BIL, if I did try to hide, he'd look in every window and then panic that I wasn't home and call his mother who would then try and track me down (this actually happened!!). DD was a few months old when the power went due to high winds, DH went to work and in the afternoon I went to my mums as she had an open fire and a gas cooker so could feed me!! My phone was dead due to lack of power. BIL decided to drive to check on me and DD and then got worried when I wasn't home!!! He called MIL who then ended up calling my mom to see was I there to calm him down. I was pretty pissed off over that.

[SapphireStrange]

Don't hide then, OP. Take a different approach.

I say this in the nicest way possible, but you have to woman up! Keep the door locked (stop 'forgetting'; sorry to be harsh, but get a handle on this). If he turns up do not open the door. Shout 'Not convenient; text next time' out of a window, turn the radio up and carry on with what you were doing.

[Helgathehairy]

If he comes round today then I may shout at him. I possibly broke a toe last night and I'm in pain and can't be dealing with him today.

[SapphireStrange]

No, not 'may' –will. You WILL shout at him. But from behind a LOCKED door. And then you'll hobble walk away and ignore him.

Sorry to boss you about , but this has to stop.

And get your toe looked at.

[TendonQueen]

You must lock the door. Even with a dog, how hard is it to keep the key in the lock, and then just turn it and open door when dog goes out, then turn it back when dog comes in?

And don't let him in today. Shout through the locked door that you're not well and having a quiet day resting, and you'll see him another time. Just repeat it if needsbe. Would it make any difference if your DH texted him and said 'please don't call on Helga today as she's resting her foot?'

[SapphireStrange]

Would it make any difference if your DH texted him and said 'please don't call on Helga today as she's resting her foot?'

The problem with that is that it slightly implies it's only today, and possibly in future exceptional circumstances, that popping in is not OK; whereas I think the OP needs to get across that he must just not turn up whenever he likes, always.

[Helgathehairy]

I already have a GP appointment tomorrow for pregnancy so will ask her to have a look at my toe. Don't think she can do anything though. Not 100% sure I can drive though.

It's not hard to lock a door but it's just not something I'm in the habit of doing. I know it's different if you live in a town but I grew up in a house where the door was usually open, never mind unlocked.

[SapphireStrange]

I hear you about the door, but seriously, if he just walks in , you MUST.

I think you and DH should also keep telling him NOT to just walk in, too, as this is a big problem and not just about access/logistics, but locking the door is obviously a practical solution.

[MachineBee]

I'd not just lock the door I'd also put on the chain. I have a key to my DF and DMIL but I only use it if they know I'm popping in and have said they may be in the garden or something. Or if we haven't been able to get hold of DMIL for longer than reasonable (she rarely goes out and has had a few tumbles). It's all about respect for other people's space IMO.

[Helgathehairy]

We don't have a chain on the door.

[Euripidesralph]

Oh good God this drives me mad ....I find it insanely rude of people to "pop in" even my insane mother in law wouldn't dare do this

Dh and I very much consider our home our sanctuary and a safe place for the boys and it's not OK to intrude without permission and to be honest I don't know anyone who thinks it would be OK.....ive heard from others about how it's " faaaamily" and I just roll my eyes because family need to be as considerate as strangers

I think it is time to have a very clear conversation....uncomfortable but if he's as nice as you say he will get over it eventually

[SapphireStrange]

We don't have a chain on the door.

Are you looking for reasons not to stop him coming in?

[OOAOML]

You can fit a chain really easily on most doors.

[Helgathehairy]

sapphire no - just someone said to they'd use a chain and I just commented we don't have one. If I HAD to use a chain to stop him coming in I think I'd have bigger problems!

[SapphireStrange]

OK. Again, I mean this in the nicest way, but your posts sometimes sound a bit defeatist. I just want you to be rid of him!

[MrsDoylesTeaParty]

I hate popperinners too.. My brother does it (only rarely comes round though) and of course I'm not dressed, washing up still in sink etc.. Just a 5/10 min warning is all it needs to feel prepared. The problem is that he wants me to just pop in to his house too as he hates "people making appointments", but I can't bring myself to do it... I don't want to go round and risk him being really busy with something/in the bath/out.. I just feel like it's so entitled in a 'You will stop whatever you're doing and talk to/entertain me!' way.
Growing up we used to get loads of family friends popping in on weekend mornings and my dad having to get up and be cheery/chat while half asleep when he wanted a lie in.

Thankfully everyone else I know is the same as me and gives/wants notice.. Times have changed with technology. Phones are designed to bring people together but actually they have a useful side effect of giving us the capability to give people space.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Two things...

Go to a local hotel and get a do not disturb sign for your door. And use it.

Second, we have to decide on a name for these people. Popperinners looks nice and flows but isn't grammatically correct. Droppers By would be my favorite. I'm willing to consider Poppers In.

[justaweeone]

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/150670835/adults-only-door-hanger-free-us-shipping?utmsource=google&utmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=shoppingukengbe-homeandliving-homedecor-wreathsanddoorhangers&utmcustom1=c9d3785b-870c-47ba-a44b-a5a9e3edc817&gclid=CLjpuIKPm80CFcZAGwodEBkJOA

Slightly more tasteful [[
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/150670835/adults-only-door-hanger-free-us-shipping?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=shoppinggukenngbe-homeeandliving-homeedecor-wreathsandddoorhangers&utmm_custom1=c9d3785b-870c-47ba-a44b-a5a9e3edc817&gclid=CLjpuIKPm80CFcZAGwodEBkJOA]]

[justaweeone]

Link fail
Second one

[Helgathehairy]

Forget tasteful - I want one that says "Fuck off"

i luckily get very few 'poppers in' (think I like that one). Most times if someone knocks on the door they're looking for a priest. I live next to a church and some people seem to think this is his house. They look taken aback when I answer the door holding a toddler.

[SapphireStrange]

I like 'poppers in' too, slightly more than I like 'Popperinners'. Should it be hyphenated?

poppers-in

Hmmm. Maybe not.

[justaweeone]

Door mat

[MrsTerryPratchett]

'Poppers in' and a Fuck Off mat. There OP, all sorted for you!