To tell my parents to get lost and that they can get their friends kids to look after them in their old age?

[FreyaFriday]

Since I was little, my parents have been friends with a couple who have two children of roughly my age, I'll call the children Jane and Peter.

All of my life, my parents have been very harsh and critical of me, I was never shown any affection and my dad punished my physically, and often. They have also, all of my life, been obsessed with Jane and Peter and about how great they are. As a child I would constantly be compared to them, and told how great they were and how awful I was, and it's the same in adulthood. They would happily cuddle Jane and Peter as kids but never me! My parents far prefer Jane and Peter to me! Don't get me wrong, Jane and Peter are nice enough people, it's not their fault, but it upsets me, and I feel on the verge of going non contact with my parents.

For example, when I had my DCs my mum told me that they had done their child raising and would not be babysitting for my children. Ok, harsh but fair enough. However they do not think twice of doing a 200 mile round trip to look after Peter's children for an afternoon as Peter's wife is at work and their childminder is on holiday.

My parents constantly critisise and belittle my parenting yet rave about what good parents Jane and Peter are to their children, and how their children are amazing.

They also constantly tell me how crap my job is and how much better Jane and Peter have done in life. This is not true at all; I have a decent job as does my DH, and Jane and Peter, nice as they are, just have ordinary bog standard jobs like us too. They haven't done anything world changing or award worthy.

Like I said, I am on the verge of telling my parents to fuck off, and also telling them that I will not be looking after them in their old age and that Jane and Peter can do it!

If they demand to see you, you could always ask them why they want to see someone so loathsome when they could be spending that time with Jane and Peter.

I think it's a real lack of self worth thing for them to prefer other people's kids to their own

I have the same feeling. I tend to think that people value their children as they value themselves, for good or for bad.

Your parents are a pair of abusive c*s. Just how can you do something like that to your own children
I would definitely phase them out if i was you. Do you find that you are the one calling them/inviting them over? If so, i'd stop that and would become too busy/unavailable most of the time.

C*s. Sorry.

Your dad hit you?

NC. No question. I don't need to know anything else. There are NO mitigating circumstances.

Do it.

Serves them right.

I would! How awful,

My late MIL was like this, she compared her own children unfavourably to each other and made up things that one of them had said about the other to divide them (even as adults).

When my children were small they were always compared unfavourably to her friend's grandchildren who were so good, liked colouring in, reading books and sitting quietly. Apparently that was our fault because we should have taken them to more museums and stately homes.

OP there is no point engaging with people like your parents and after a physical assault NC is the only way to go. I would have happily gone NC with my MIL but despite or perhaps because of her behaviour her children were trapped in a horrible cycle of competing for her attention and trying to be the "favoured" child. Don't waste any more time on them.

You have my sympathy OP. My parents are very similar and it's only now that I'm very old that I've worked out who it is that really has the problem. I've tried doing whatever they want in an attempt to make them like me. I've tried reasoning with them and am only attacked for being nasty and ungrateful. Nothing I have ever done or will ever do is enough.

Go with what makes you happy. The things that make me happy are most often the things that are good for me and my family. Stress, rejection and assault are not ever good for you. I don't like keeping my children away from my parents, but it's the only way I have to protect them. When my mother told my son that she didn't like him (after he said something mildly cheeky) I knew what to do. I'd heard the same thing over and over and it's so damaging. I doubt our relationship was making them happy either, but I'm equally sure they don't know why none of their children (including the only one they actually do approve of/like) want to see them.

Sometimes there just isn't a happy ending and nobody walks off arm-in-arm into the sunset. but you can choose the best non-perfect ending for you and yours.

Your dad hit you?

Their obsession with another family is strange enough but that they treat you badly and hit you?

Just stop bothering with them.

You should have called the police when your dad hit you the last time.

Tell them you're done. Tell them if they contact you you will take out a restraining order. Tell them that you assume the wonderful P&J will be looking after them in their old age, because otherwise they'll be completely on their own. Again, don't call. And if your dad assaults you again, call the police. Maybe P&J will bail him out. You won't.

Please cut them off op they sound horrendous.
Are you the only child they have?

They bring nothing to your life.

Cut them loose and don't look back. Are you an only child?

I'm so sorry.

Just stop all contact, you can't reason with them and they can't see what they have done is wrong. Protect yourself and your DC, what if they got hit themselves or saw you being hit? Block the abusers phone numbers, make sure the house is secure if there is any chance of them just turning up. I would also tell Jane and Peter, for the safety of their DC.

I think you could also find out what measures could be taken against your abusers if they tried any form of retaliation or continuing abuse. Even abusive messages on an answering machine or emails, texts and letters count as evidence if the police need to be called.

They don't deserve you or their DGC.

Are you okay OP?

AIBU can be a bit full-on, this might be better moved to Relationships?

absolutely go nc. don't tell them that you are though!

you deserve so much better, and the first step is to not spend time with people who don't value you.

they sound awful op, and you are under no obligation to care for them in their old age

look up narcissism, it will be life changing ! If you have to talk to them, and they start with the abuse please cut in and say 'i am so lucky that I have my inlaws, they are such kind people, . I'm sorry the kids aren't here, MIL is taking them for the weekend. I did ask if they wanted to come back early to see you, but they are having so much fun that they begged to stay another night. Oh I'm so glad that you have been to see Peter, do tell him I asked for him. Its so long since i last saw him, but then I am always so busy. MIL has invited me to a spa for next weekend, then the kids are going to the inlaws so that hubby and I can have a weekend away. We are totally booked from now until Christmas, which we will be celebrating with the in laws. (We are all going to hire a log cabin and spend Christmas and new year there). Mil has offered to take us all to Disneyland next year too. Do you know I don't think I have ever been so happy, I never imagined how lovely it would be, to be a part of such a truly wonderful family. Oh look at the time, gosh I have to get ready to go out for drinks with my hubby. He has just had a promotion which came with a big bonus so we are going out to celebrate. Lovely seeing you, do tell Peter and Jane i asked for them. Take care.........then leave, block their number from your phone and enjoy your life! They will be far too busy with Jane and Peter to notice.

oh lovely. it is fine for you to go non contact. they are abusive to you and violent. this is not acceptable. the normal rules do not apply. there is no need for you to remain in contact. infact it is likely that stopping contact will be very good for you. they have forfeited their "rights" to a relationship due to their treatment of you. you are worth far more than to put up with their behaviour to you. no-one should have to put up with behaviour like that.

take time to read through the thread, perhaps print it off and read again another time. look at what people have said about them, how their behaviour is not acceptable. how people have advised going non contact. how you are worth mmore than putting up with their behaviour.