New Baby AIBU

[user1465387977]

I've name changed for this as I've spoken about it in real life so it's identifying.

I'm expecting our first baby at the end of July and we've been invited to a wedding at the beginning of August (13 days after due date). It's a relaxed affair and within walking distance of our house. The couple are happy for us to show up on the day to any part or no part at all depending on if I'm still in hospital or just too tired to go etc. and happy for baby to come too (they offer induction at 40+12 here). So that's great.

We mentioned to MIL in passing that we were invited to a wedding that day but we would just be seeing how it went as if I went over due it would be unlikely we could go and we might not want to take the baby out to a wedding if it's only a couple of days old anyway.
She said immediately that of course we would be able to go as she would be around and could take the baby all day and over night anyway. I reminded her that that would really be impossible as I will be breastfeeding, she replied well breastfeeding might not work for you anyway so nothing wrong with a bottle (of course there's nothing wrong with a bottle but at a couple of days old my milk will only just be coming in anyway). I said that even if I ended up FF for whatever reason I think that the baby will be too tiny to leave with anyone at that early stage. Obviously we don't know how many days or weeks old the baby will be at this point but tbh even if it's born at 37 weeks I still don't think I'd leave a 5 week old either.

Anyway I seem to have upset her and she asked my husband if I didn't trust her to look after a baby. (I think my husband should probably have told her not to be silly and then never mentioned the conversation to me but it's done now).

Surely I'm not being unreasonable to not want to leave a baby that could potentially only be a couple of days old with anyone? I wouldn't leave the baby with my mum either at that early stage so it's not like I'm favouring my side. I'm just really surprised that she thinks it's because I don't trust her. I honestly didn't think it was normal to leave a tiny baby with anyone?

Also if it helps gain perspective she's mentioned a couple of times that she will be round every day during my maternity leave to help (even before the baby is born). I know she is excited but I feel suffocated already.

*alone to Grandma, not along

I think your MIL wants to be able to give your baby a bottle. Feeding babies is lovely, lots of people love giving babies a bottle, however if you are breastfeeding, you probably won't want her to have a bottle for weeks or months; if you are formula feeding, you may not want other people feeding her a bottle in the first few weeks. It's nothing to do with her being a MIL, your baby, and establishing the bond between you come first.

YANBU. She has unreasonable expectations if she thinks she should have your newborn for hours at a time. I thought I was being sooo brave when I left my 3 month old for an evening for the first time. I made it through the starter before calling my mum's house on a pay phone for a progress report!

Oh and as for coming round to help every day, make sure that "helping" after the baby is born doesn't mean hogging the baby to free you to run around catching up on the housework. Of course grandparents want and deserve cuddles, but that isn't helping, helping is asking if they can run the Hoover around/ iron/ shop/ clean, while the new mother rests in bed or on the sofa with her baby.

Everybody is different, but I personally wouldn't have wanted my mum, my MIL or my mates dropping in unannounced with a new baby. Nor would I want daily visits from anyone. Short and sweet and by arrangement is the way to go with most new families.

She's BU. She sounds like she's very excited just ignore her as best you can.
I left Ds1 for 2 hours with FIL while MIL and I went shopping and had a quick lunch, I breastfed before leaving and again when we got back. FIL then presented us with an hour long video of clips of Ds1 sitting in his little chair, while FIL talked and cooed to him it was hysterically funny, bless him he doted on Ds1

YANBU. I was in hospital for 10 days, there's no way I'd have left DD with anyone at 13 days old. DH and I left her with his parents to go for a birthday meal when she was 5 weeks. We were out for an hour and a half and talked about the baby the whole time.

Incidentally, for my lovely friend who was just as accommodating as yours when she got married a week after my due date. As it was, DD was early so we were fine to bring her to the ceremony and dinner, we just missed the party.

I left DS with my parents for a couple of hours to go to a party when he was 3 weeks old. My mum was desperate to babysit when I mentioned it beforehand, same situation as you, first baby, few weeks after due date, planning to breastfeed. I just kind of said ok let's see how I feel as we don't even know if I'll be up to it or how old the baby will be.

In the end DS was mix fed and I actually really enjoyed a few hours without him. The first 3 weeks were very stressful with feeding, and he would happily take a bottle. Overnight is seriously pushing it though. Totally unnecessary!

YANBU.

My DD is 16 months and I only just left her (with DH) for an overnight stay last week for the first time. No way could I have left her at that age. She was also BF and a bottle refuser so I couldn't have left her even if I'd wanted to.

Your DH needs to tell your MIL to back off and give you some space.

I agree with pp that said if MiL is coming round to "help" that entails her doing housework/cooking (or whatever you find useful) for you not sitting having cuddles with baby and expecting you to bring her cups tea etc.
YADNBU and she is totally U tk think you would leave such a young baby with anyone for a whole day and overnight regardless of your feeding method. I mean brilliant that she has offered and would be prepared to do it but she needs to back off a bit.

YANBU!
My MIL is exactly the same... DD is 11 weeks and 10 of those weeks have been nothing but harassment for an overnight with PIL... The first week we spent insisting we didn't need her to move in and "help".

PIL are obsessed with bottle feeding so that they can "have a go"... I've tried expressing but DD is a bottle refuser, they just tell me I'm not trying hard enough to make her take one
Your DH is the important factor here, get him to step in and put a stop to it all now. My DP has done his best but it's too late as we tried to be accommodating in the early days (like yours, she has no daughters and I tried to be sensitive to that and involve her - mistake!). Nip it in the bud before baby arrives, your baby, your rules.