AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?

[user1465383488]

We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Apparently not.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !

I'm so sorry you are going through this!

I agree with your husband. These people are behaving like bullies. Whatever the issue it's theirs not yours. So I don't think you can fix it. By taking their nonsense seriously you are legitimising it. I do feel for you and we also have control freak neighbours after recent move. It's hard not to take it to heart.
The problem isn't you, so you can't fix it.
Build bigger fence, concentrate on your family and having fun.
I suggest they move to retirement village. The comment about "decent" family is disgusting. Try contacting council about harassment, their behaviour is not OK.
Hugs

They are being totally unreasonable and you have every right to live your life free from this type of harassment. Your children deserve better. I got really fed up of people treating me like this, I used to bend over backwards for everyone at cost to myself and family. Now I just say stuff like "who the fxxk do you think you are talking to me like that. Stay away from me and my family and stick to your own business" It has worked and life has been more peaceful! Your children have every right to play in their own garden and make reasonable levels of noise during normal hours of going about your daily business. Put that trampoline back up and let your kids enjoy their childhood.

You're a fantastic mum to all your children it sounds like and the idiots next door can go to hell. Your kids are only little once, enjoy them l; they will laugh squeal scream etc that's what kids do, if they have a problem don't let it be yours

We moved into a brand new house at the end of a small estate. Our property has land around the whole edge which is next to a fairly busy road. We decided to plant laurel bushes all around the edge and our neighbour complained that she could no longer see the bus stop where her twenty something daughter gets on the bus. She has since complained about the bushes to the planning department at the council who contacted the builder saying they had not adhered to the plan for the land. It actually backfired because the builder had not put in the plants on the plans so we ended up with a lot more planting. She had a go at my teenage son for sitting on our wall and so my hubby told her to basically go away in no uncertain terms. Since then she has now started to harrass our other neighbour whose house backs onto hers saying they are making too much noise and disturbing her - completely ironic as we are far noisier than them as we have 4 kids and 2 huge dogs. The only difference is that we stood up to her!

Everyone should be able to enjoy their garden including you where are your rights?! Present them with some ear plugs!! Your just too nice, throw a big party play loud music and make sure you have fireworks too!! just remember that legally after 11pm your expected to respect your neighbours and turn the noise down!! ;)

We had almost exactly the same with a set of completely unreasonable neighbours. They made me ill and worse they made my children frightened to sing or laugh in their own house. Thank goodness they moved after five years. It was unbearable and it is very difficult to ignore. I really feel for you.

You sound like the perfect neighbours to me, they should live with some of ours and they would have something to complain about. Don't let them ruin yours and your children's lives and be out in the garden etc whenever you want. As others have said if they wanted peace they shouldn't have moved where they did. You lived quite happily before they moved in and it's them that's ruining your lives.
Phone the council and ask about the laws on noise etc and you would be able to wore it to them.
We had issues with our previous neighbours who did similar once my husband and father were laying wood flooring upstairs on a Saturday when the lady stood in her front garden screaming at the top of her lungs to stop the *^^ banging, when she saw my father stand up and look out if the window she got the shock of her life and couldn't disappear inside quick enough. Do you have any friends with that could come and sit in the garden with you and your children that you could tell what's happening so when the neighbours start again they can stand up and tell them exactly what they think that way it's not coming from you per say.

My neighbour knocked on my door the other day, because my dd was screaming at the tv. I put on the baby channel when I need to get housework done without a walker to the knee.
It was 11am, not exactly early, and she only let out a few squeaks.
So I told her where to go.
It's enough dealing with one child, let alone more, particularly those with special needs.
If they can't accept that noise is a thing that happens when you live within a mile of another living being, tough!
I've called the police numerous times about that woman, not only because she and her brother have house parties on a Tuesday night, but they constantly smoke weed which makes all my dd clothes stink of it. I can't hang my washing out when they're home.
If need be make notes of the dates and times you hear them making the slightest noise, and then 'complain' about it to them. It's petty, but would certainly get the point across about how unreasonable they're being.

There is no way I'd keep my kids quiet, and neither should you!! Kids need to enjoy their child hoods not be afraid of their neighbors and being scared to play outside that is totally crazy !! And you fur babies they too feel the tension, and they bark as way of communication, you need to tell these people to f@ ck off and live your life and if they don't like it, then they can change what they're doing not you ! Js

They are bullies. I would be very upset too. Agree with other posts, stop pandering to them and revert to having a normal family life.

Maybe it would be worth logging everything they say to you... Unsure why but it seems like harassment almost.

Haven't read the whole thread but tbh we're only hearing one side of the story. Maybe OP's family of 8 people aren't that great to live next to and maybe next door aren't stereotypical Disney style baddies? I'd like to hear the other side.

Hope you aren't being economical with the truth and the reality is that you are an excessively noisy family. The only reason I say this is that they don't seem to mind the other neighbours with the dog as they are 'decent people' as he said. Sometimes you can think you are not being excessive but you may be! Loud music when you only hear the base beat can drive you mental. Dogs constantly barking etc.
All I'm saying is that you have a large family and can become immune to hearing the excessive but general noise you can make on a daily basis. In other words, you could possibly be very noisy but you simply have 'tuned out' to all of it.

Christ, your neighbours are lucky they don't live next to my asshole neighbours. Dogs barking inside and out, bonfires lit when my washing is out and on the nicest evenings and some mornings 😳 Kids(about 7 and 9) shouting and running up and down their through lounge (sound like a herd of elephants) at 10pm at night and they have aviarys , the full length of their 150ft garden which is fine....except he has a radio on from about 5am until at least 10pm for them!!!!!! He's also recently installed a massive extractor fan down the bottom of our garden which extract into our garden and makes a racket almost constantly. He's a knob.

Capricorn76 if you HAD read the whole thread - and the OP's first comment carefully - you would have been able to see that this is is clearly NOT a case of a noisy family making their neighbour's lives hell. Rather the other way round ...

Still only hearing one side.

"Dogs barking inside and out, bonfires lit when my washing is out and on the nicest evenings and some mornings 😳 Kids(about 7 and 9) shouting and running up and down"
Sounds like mine too... 19 bonfires in 14 days... burning their house hold rubbish!
They have a temperamental collie who escapes frequently!
The children are out til all hours and are often not at school.
They drive me crazy when I'm trying to dry washing and have to waddle put asap to get it in before then stench of burning leftovers gets in there..

That is the nature of MN, you only do ever hear one side

Perhaps you would like to suggest some ideas to the OP about how to be quieter if you feel so strongly her family are at fault. Maybe some new ideas in addition to the 101 ways she is already limiting her family's noise?

maybe next door aren't stereotypical Disney style baddies?

But she does yoga in the garden, runs a cake-making home business, and rides a bike with a basket of flowers on the front. There couldn't be a less 'villainous' person, could there?

I'm a qualified mediator for neighbourhood disputes- honest communication is key to sorting out this kind of dispute. Having read your post I have the impression that you haven't ever tried to have an honest conversation in which you explain your side of things. The noise you make as a family, as described in your post, is perfectly reasonable. You are not doing anything wrong. But you haven't really talked- you don't know that they were told when they viewed and bought the house- was it made clear that they would be moving next to a large family? You don't know what happened to her three years ago to make her suddenly intolerant of your normal family noise?
The best and most successful approach will come from you working out for yourself what you are able to do to bridge the gap in communication, rather than going to the council (which will only make things more adversarial and make peace harder to achieve).
You have to find solutions that suit you- could you go around and ask for a chat with her? Would your way be to write a letter explaining how the situation makes you feel?
Try and think of a style of communication in whicn you are strong and honest without being aggressive- the goal should be to get a better level of understanding and peace.

Lizzie that's really interesting about scope creep - I'd not heard of that before. That explains why, the more we gave in to our last unreasonable neighbours, the more we apologised, the worse they got. At the time I thought I could make them stop by trying to make sure the dog never barked, we didn't move after 7pm etc etc, but there was always some new complaint. This stiffens my resolve to never be such a pushover in the future.

It is very difficult, I have had lovelly neighbours in the past, ut who are just inconsiderate, kids playing outside late at night, all night parties, loud music. Yet, the folk who lived the other side, got on really well with them! Came round and screamed at my son who was cutting a music disk, yes, it was loud, hot in his room so the window was open, 3 0 clock in the afternoon, took 10 minutes. So to be honest, no offense, I love kids have 4, lots of grandkids, I made sure one I was detatched and an area with no kids, your neighbours are being unreasonable.

Hi OP.

Firstly

Secondly, you've mentioned getting on with your other neighbours, can you get some help/support/sympathy from them? Surely if they don't have any problems with you then it proves your next door neighbour is BU. It would probably also help with your confidence, they could convince you you're not neighbours from hell which would help you relax and get back to living like a normal family with normal noise!

Who knows, they may even rally round and arrange noisy parties etc in your garden

I totally understand how you feel I have the same problem myself! I have five children one has autism and one ADHD. My neighbours are constantly complaining and making me feel like a terrible mother. They have a prestine garden with immaculate table and chairs and their one child they do have is one that is rarely seen and never heard which I don't think is normal!! Children make noise it's normal and they shouldn't have to be told to be quiet all the time! It's easier said than done though when it comes to ignoring these neighbours complaints. I too now feel like we can't use the garden and like yourself it's my children too they have upset. The lady shouted out the window at my eleven year old daughter who has ADHD and had her in tears simply because she was making a flower decoration in our garden that she thought was unsightly from her window! They say that you are making their lives miserable but in fact that's exactly what they are doing to you! The solution is really to ignore them as you shouldn't have to live like that although as I well know it is really hard xx

Twatbadging that folk music loop is brilliant!!! That would drive them nuts!!!! Use that OP! Haha!!!!

Quite frankly that hipster bunny needs to hop back to the field she came from and STFU!! I cannot believe how amazing you've been with all of this. The fact that she is upsetting your life and your children, some of them with special needs, is in fact abuse on her part. She is the one who is terrifying you and making your life miserable and you should report her, not the other way around. You're the one who has every right to be crying daily over the misery this woman has brought onto your lives. Your children NEED TO GO INTO THAT GARDEN NOW AND BE CHILDREN. You are not blasting Eyrovision tunes or Justin Bieber - recognized forms of torture - past 12am, and you are not making unreasonable noise in the morning. You are living. Next time she may complain you're breathing too loudly. What then? Somehow I suspect the fact that you never hear her husband is because he never moves for fear of upsetting her. She needs therapy and THEY need to move.

They will never be able to get backing from anyone on this, official or otherwise. You're in the right, they're out of their quinoa loving minds. Much love to you and your family xxx