Being a twat doesn't automatically mean they have MH issues

[Sherlocked1606]

Ok so there is a man at work who behaves disgustingly towards the women in the office. He is perfectly fine with the men.

Today he made sexual remarks about the school age daughter of a co worker. Her daughter was in her school uniform in her school photo. He was making comments about how fit the daughter is and how lots of men would like to fuck her. Yes he used the word fuck.

Myself and several other women told him he was talking about a child and to stop.he just smirked and walked away.

I told my colleagues that I had had enough and was going to report him. One of the other men said not to as he has MH issues. I asked whether he actually does or was he just guessing. He said that only someone who has MH issues would say things like that. I respondedthat no he was a twat, you don't need MH issues to be a twat. Although inappropriate behaviour can be a sign of MH issues, one doesn't automatically mean the other. I was told I was being rude and was just as bad as he was.

I told him to get a grip. That you can be a twat without having MH issues. He then said if I complained about the other man making comments he, my colleague would complain about me. This made the mother of the daughter to say just leave it. That it wasn't worth it.

Am I wrong? Was I being unreasonable? Thanks

[Teresalosingtheirleaves]

Of course yanbu.
Same for being a teen or old, being a twat is a personality trait, not a symptom.

[EveryoneElsie]

Well done OP, good luck with it. Its not easy being the one swimming against the current.

[OccultGnuAsWell]

My DB has mental health problems. He too can behave like a twat at times, not to the extent of the person in the OP though.

He avidly used to enjoy airing his knowledge of non PC jokes, racist, sexist, homophobic, Product to an extent of the 1970's humour he grew up with.

At first he couldn't understand why people at his MH drop in centre took issue with him when he trotted them out because he was "only having a laugh". After a lot of work from the staff and some of the other service users he has stopped using them (in public at least).

One of his learning moments was whilst receiving a lift home from me he treated me to a joke about women drivers. He walked the rest of the way after listening to my explanation as to why this was offensive to me and women in general. Don't think he'd seen it as affecting people personally before then.

I don't believe it's his mental health condition that caused him to use the jokes in the first place. It possibly made him less aware of the negative social cues when he was telling them. But either way he has learned that these are no longer appropriate.

It never became a work issue for him, if it had I would hope that someone made him aware how inappropriate and offensive some of his jokes were.

[emotionsecho]

I hope HR do something about it too, OP, it is not acceptable to have to put up with that kind of behaviour. Good luck, remember you are NOT the one in the wrong.

[BillSykesDog]

Good luck.

If he has genuine mental health problems and is in some kind of crisis hopefully he will get appropriate help.

If he doesn't I hope they sack the cunt.