To feel odd after a friends lie

[callherwillow]

I've just discovered this weekend that a friend has lied for years about something that isn't important to me, but is important in the context of her life.

I don't exactly feel betrayed as I understand why she lied, and it was a lie going back years but it's shaped how I look at her now. It's a bit like finding out something from your past and applying it to memories and looking at them in a new context.

I don't know why I feel so strange about it; it's not my business.

I'm sure when I was at school in the 80s this happened between this age group... It was probably warned off by some parents but some couldn't give a shit...

Depends if they're happy now really. Did they have sex when she was 16 or 15? I suppose that could sway it more for me. Legal age of consent and all that.

There was a girl in my year at school (1970s) who began a relationship with one of the language assistants at age 15. He'd have been 20-21, I suppose. It was sexual and it did last. I don't know if they're still together, but they did get married and lived in his country of origin.

It's difficult because it is very creepy imo and feels wrong. But then, fast forward ten years and you're asking yourself whether they would have got together had they met when she was 25, and the six year age difference looks small?

On reflection, I'd probably put it down as a 'water under the bridge' thing ... unless the man continued to show an overly lively interest in schoolgirls.

unless the man continued to show an overly lively interest in schoolgirls.

Is this what is fuelling your unease, op?

if shes asking for help thenhelp-if shes happy just leave them be does it really matter if theyre adults now

What matters is her relationship now. Do you think he took advantage of her purely because of their age or is there more to it?

Friends of mine met when she was an underage teen and he was in his 20s. She pursued him, they're still together 30 years later, have DC and GC and are very happy. The age they were when they met is no one's business but theirs.

I know another girl who was targeted by an older man when she was a school age teen. The police were involved but she lied and said there was no relationship when there was. She was shy, naive and very obviously vulnerable. Last I heard they were still together. Same on paper as my friends above but worlds apart in reality.

Do you have any reason to be concerned about her otherwise?

And as to the lie, you can see why she lies if people react so strongly, surely?

How is their relationship currently OP? Is it a balanced adult one?

That's interesting ChitChat, some elements of it fit. All conversation is about her, everything is a drama, but not in a "drama queen" kind of way, more in a "I'm amazing because I have these terrible health problems and a tricky work situation and a complicated family life but I soldier on" kind of way.

I've got to the point where I don't believe anything she says, and I think her difficult work situation (she's uniquely qualified in a demanding profession) where she's possibly about to lose her job, has come about because she's been rumbled. I actually suspect she's trying to get away with a fraud.