If cats had AIBU

[TrannieWife]

AIBU to expect my humans to keep the toilet lid down? I don't expect to get wet paws when I come into the house through the bathroom window.

Aibu to be fucked off on my owner's behalf. Because soon it will be impossible to post anything, on any forum for fear of offending somebody and its bloody exhausting
Aibu to piss on the boots and poo on the gardens of all those who derailed OP's thread yesterday by using a light hearted thread to spew forth their own agenda?
No dcat. Yanbu

clopysow

AIBU to put my paw over a spider then let it go, catch it, let it go, catch it, let it go, catch it, let it go... ad finitum? For some reason, my human doesn't seem to like me doing this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2654275-Fence-spikes-to-keep-cats-out

This thread is currently next to yours in the Active list. How unreasonable

AIBU expecting the lady of the house to clean my litter tray as soon as I use it? I mean lady in the loosest possible sense

She is such a cat food health freak. I mean if I am prepared to put up with stinking smelly poo when I eat that highly processed stuff that comes in gloriously crinkly pouches, (love that noise.) why oh why will she not feed it to me.

Oh and another thing, I have to scratch the tv thing to get them to put the shiny dot on for me.

AIBU that my dad and the children in the street fished out a baby bird that I chased down a drain yesterday . I had to hide in disgrace for at least an hour.

AIBU?

So, I like my human but every now and then I need to put her in her place. So I go all psychobatshitevil and tear a chunk out of her arm or hand , when she least expects it.

Then, when I want it, I expect to be stroked and loved and this thing she calls "sqooshyfacey" which is her grabbing my face with both hands and giving me a big kiss. That's nice.

Until I decide I don't like her again (timeline of a day, a week, 2 months - to keep her on her feet) and maul her face in a move I believe is called "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? CAN CATS ACTUALLY HAVE DUAL PERSONALITIES BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT AT TIMES!!"

My human is unhinged, yes?

AIBU to repeatedly put my nose in my human's ear? I like to do this at night to keep my nose warm, but she always wakes up and puts me out of the room.

Just because you haven't seen me for an hour you don't need to call me constantly until I come and see you.

I am in my secret sleeping place outside. I stay there long enough until you get the Dreamies out and rattle them. I do his multiple times a day. You are such a sucker!

Also, if you come anywhere near me with a brush I will maim you.
I hate your Mother, please stop inviting her round.

Aibu to sleep here all night, I'm only small!

My servant laughed at me after I fell off the bed this morning. WIBU to sit outside, glaring at her from the living room window all day long.

AIBU to con the idiot dogs that live here so that I can have there big bed? I pretend I've darted out the cat flap, but hide behind the kitchen bin, then when they harass the servant to let them out, and they're in the garden, I take my rightful spot in the middle of the bed. Don't think they've a brain between them.

My weekend cattery assistant only let me climb on her back, lick her ear & dig my claws into her collar bone three times instead of the usual eleventy billion on caturday.

And i only got seven dreamies & some roast chicken at snack time

AIBU to complain and leave a scathing review on 'cat advisor' ? What a dreadful establishment!!

Also, AIBU to leave a dead mouse by mums stereo in the morning and a live one behind the night stand? This place is seriously lacking in mouse decor, stupid woman!

AIBU to unleash blood curdling yowls all night long in search of food? I have been fed twice already today, not counting the prawns, but I am of senior years and forget.

AIBU to insert my paw into the mouth of my sleeping servant when yowling does not work?

Hissssssssssssss YA ALL BU

I don't like other cats

AIBU to chase my human and attack her bottom when I'm high on catnip? She's pregnant and I think it's high time her kitten came out already. Not that I care.

Aibu to throw up hairballs on the rug? The humans keep trying to move me on to the wooden floor, or the kitchen tiles, but the rug is just so much better?

Also, AIBU to not let the other cats on the cat tree? I claimed it when it was first bought, and now I've gotten bored of it, but it still annoys me when they sleep on it.

My human has just pinned me down and forced a dropper of FOUL antibiotics down my throat, mumbling something about "good for you" and "ear infection". WIBU to leave the biggest shit I can muster outside the bedroom door for when she wakes up? The other larger human may step in it first, but it serves him right for not stopping her when he had the chance.

AIBU to chew the rats' bag of food open? Mama keeps telling me it's not for cats, but I eat a bit before she notices. She also tells me off for putting my paw through the bars of the guinea pig cage and tapping them on the back to scare them.

AIBU to think my servants need to learn gratitude? I caught a bird for them and was careful to keep it alive so they could catch it themselves. As soon as male servant saw the bird he opened the window and shepherded it outside whilst female servant yelled at me because it had made a mess, as if I'm to blame for bird's lack of house training!

Urgent advice needed now please.

What is the best position for sleeping on my human's head when he's in bed? I can never quite get comfortable and then he moves. It's really getting on my nerves and he's no help.