If cats had AIBU

[TrannieWife]

AIBU to expect my humans to keep the toilet lid down? I don't expect to get wet paws when I come into the house through the bathroom window.

Aibu to lick my humans mouth at 3am because her lip balm is delicious

AIBU to use their bed as a toilet? They went on holiday for a week and all we got was this nice guy visiting to feed and stroke us twice a day. You'd think they'd learn, we do it every time..

AIBU to think that I should be able to eat my baby rabbit in the comfort of the master bedroom, on the cream carpet without my human chasing me with a tea towel and squealing? If what she put in the dish was half as warm and filling maybe I wouldn't have to!

AIBU to complain that the humans have placed my cardboard box of choice too close to the fire? It needs to be 1 foot further back to be comfortable.

AIBU to be impatient about how long those bloody humans are taking to invent the tin of tuna which we can open without them and make themselves redundant?

We will run the world so much better!

3Rd Rock - dogs have no idea, they actually let humans order them about

My humans insist on trying to feed me wet cat food when they know that I infinitely prefer prawns and occasional tuna. Aibu to consider lts? (Leaving the servants)

Second favourite human is trying to befriend the neighbourhood noisy cat.
She's been bribing it with my rejected treats.
This is not acceptable.

If the servants got up at 4.30am to give me my breakfast when I demand it then I wouldn't have to go fetch my own and bring it in and have to de-feather and gut it in the middle of the floor. AIBU to crap in the corner cos they took it off me?

Ianu my human is. My claws are much more important then the stuff she has on her walls and if it wasn't meant to keep my claws sharp then why has it bumpy bits?
She is also ur for telling me off when me and the youngest human share food I taught and encouraged him to crawl I think it's a fair trade. ( it started with youngest dropping food off the highchair it has now developed to the cat sitting next to the highchair and meowing and him obliging and throwing bits down for her, not allowing herror in the room doesn't seem to be much of an option she yowls and he cries hysterically to the point he is either sick or she is let in. She has him well trained at 1 )

That needs nipped in the bud glitteryfrog. Have you tried being depressed? Eat nothing from the dish for a day or two (you can always get it elsewhere), and take extra naps. It certainly worked for me when my resident human tried to undermine me in this way.

This thread is ridiculous -

No cat is ever unreasonable.

🐱🐯🦁

My human has an irritating habit of making it rain when I want to go out of the front door😡. I'd ask to go out the back door instead, but she makes it rain there as well! How can I teach her a lesson?

That's easy Alice. Go out and immediately ask to be let in again, repeat this a few times at each door. If the human becomes obstinate, simply make a noise which will make the neighbours think you are being neglected. This is usually enough. However, if your human decides to leave you out after the 3rd or 4th time, do not panic. The most effective course of action at this point is to disappear for at least 12 hours. You will NEVER be denied entry again.

I'm looking pissed off while having a snooze under the patio table.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks

Aibu to expect my human to know that exact number of strokes to the head I want. It's not hard, too few and I need more, too many and I get pissed off and a bit bitey as it's annoying. It's not that hard.

Aibu to expect the servants to know that I like to sit wherever second favourite servant has just been sat, and that she may not sit there again if she momentarily stands?

Tvwife - but why did they bring it into the house?! My life was perfect

AIBU to think I should be able go and stare at he baby so he jumps about giggling every time my humans put him down for a nap without them trying to shoo me away. They've even tried shutting me out. I can stare just as well hough a gate but when they tried shutting the door, that was too much, so I scratched and banged on the door until the baby cried and then they had to open it again for me.

Well I know I'm not being unreasonable.
My humans vanished for a week just over a year ago. They left a very inadequate replacement of a chap I didn't know coming over once a day to feed me. Utterly utterly wrong. So I crapped in the bath repeatedly.
They're talking about vanishing for a week again quite soon. I am going to crap in the bath every day they are gone except one of them is talking about locking the bathroom.
So, where can I deposit my crap for the week? I'm thinking kitchen sink.

Oh and AIBU to jump in every cupboard the second my humans open it and then sit there squeaking until they physically remove me. Obviously I make it clear that it is absolutely unreasonable of them to remove me. It is also completely unreasonable for them to just leave me there.

cigars, do they leave any shoes lying around? Are there any drawers with an open back that you may be able to squeeze into? Hidden corners behind furniture that the humans cannot see into? It's not something I tend to do myself but my dearly departed friend liked to hide a little poop occasionally for her previous human to find.

Aibu to go and have a massive shite in my neighbours flowerbed? Aibu to scare the living shit out of my other neighbours pet? Aibu to make people who's garden I shit in and ruin, to pay for things to deter me from trespassing? Aibu for knowing my adults think out of sight, out of mind?

AIBU to jump on my humans lap with a live sparrow

She shouted and chucked me out! For revenge i lost my 100000th collar

Don't be fucking rediculous. I'm a cat. I would never ask if i was BU.

Now, look at my arsehole. Up close. Stroke me. Fuck off. Feed me. I'm going to wind around your legs. Now fuck off again. Stroke m......BITE....fuck off i'm bored.