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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my dad a tit or AIBU?

39 replies

RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:02

Went for dinner with my dad tonight, which we do fortnightly.

He was obviously a bit tipsy when I arrived, which reminded me of my childhood. Was texting some woman he's seeing (he lives with and is engaged to another woman who he moved in without consulting me when I still lived there) and said at one point 'oooh how embarrassing I've just sent a sexy text to the wrong person' balk

Talked about his new job/his life throughout, literally didn't once ask how I was. Got annoyed when I looked away while he was speaking or didn't seem to be listening.

When I went to pay I realised they don't take card, he shouted 'YOU KNOW THEY DONT HERE' (I don't, all the times we've been there he's payed, I usually choose to go elsewhere)

When I got back from the cashpoint he kept banging on about how his bus was in ten minutes and he couldn't miss it, when I mentioned that mine wasn't for 40 he got stroppy

I then became mildly furious and told him to just go home as I didn't want to spend time with him any more and god forbid he miss his bus, he left the table and muttered 'stupid bitch' under his breath.

I was raging, finished my drink and left.

Now still fuming. I was quite short with him a few times throughout the evening as I'm pre menstrual and a bit hungover but did I deserve that? I've been considering going NC with him because of how the relationship as I grew up has affected me but am trying to rebuild the relationship, hence the meals.

How/should I bring this up with him? Am I being oversensitive?

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:02

Sorry, that's quite long

OP posts:
TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 04/06/2016 23:04

Good grief he sounds awful

PigeonPie · 04/06/2016 23:04

If he was my father I would think long and hard about going out for supper or seeing him on his terms for some considerable time.

Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:06

Forgot to mention the burping and clicking to get the waiter's attention. I can normally deal with him but snapped today for reasons aforementioned

OP posts:
Littleorangecat · 04/06/2016 23:07

seems lie an awful night out to me. YANBU

Littleorangecat · 04/06/2016 23:07

Lie = like ffs

EweAreHere · 04/06/2016 23:10

I wouldn't go to dinner with anyone who behaved like that in public or treated me that way.

I'd walk.

OohhItsNotHoxton · 04/06/2016 23:10

He sounds like a cocktail.
The clicking at the waiter would have been my cue to leave.
What do you hope to achieve from building a relationship with him?

acasualobserver · 04/06/2016 23:10

Dad = tit. Cancel dinner dates for six months min.

OohhItsNotHoxton · 04/06/2016 23:10

Cock! Sorry poxy phone.

Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:12

LittleOrangeCat It was. And I spent £40 for the privilege and although that's not the point it makes me even ragier. I'm skint this month and that could have done me 4 good meals at home or two nice ones out with friends

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:15

acasualobserver I had this exact conversation with my counsellor the last time I saw her and I'm still not sure. I kind of feel that family should come above all although I've never been taught that by my parents' actions. I'm weak, I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:16

Sorry OohhItsNotHoxton not acasualobserver Blush

OP posts:
Littleorangecat · 04/06/2016 23:19

Don't go out with him until his behaviour improves and tell him this. Spend your money on something you actually enjoy Flowers

Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:26

Thanks, everyone.
I want to text him to tell him how angry I am because I don't think he gets it. I won't send said text until tomorrow as he'll predictably accuse me of being drunk.
Please help me write it?

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 04/06/2016 23:29

Why text him? You feel that family should come above all? So you'd happily go out and be humiliated by this arse? I hope you are still having that counselling!

Iknownuffink · 04/06/2016 23:30

Don't text.

Go NC.

If and when he contacts you. Then and only then do you tell him of his appalling behaviour.

Otherwise you are on a hiding to nothing and he will convince you that you are in the wrong.

LuluJakey1 · 04/06/2016 23:31

He sounds awful. Not someone you would choose to go out with!

LuluJakey1 · 04/06/2016 23:31

Don't text him. Dump him. Cut him off.

icedcherrytea · 04/06/2016 23:40

I agree don't text. When and if he gets in contact be busy.

Liiinooo · 04/06/2016 23:41

He sounds absolutely awful, but by your own admission you have to shoulder some share of the blame - you say being pre-menstrual and hung over made you quite short with him on several occasions. So perhaps his rudeness was retaliation for any slights he felt coming from you?

Going NC sounds extreme under the circumstances. You meet regularly when there is absolutely no need to, so it seems that each of you wants to see the other one but you each have fallen into very unproductive behaviour patterns. Perhaps have a little break and in the meantime discuss this with your counsellor.

beetroot2 · 04/06/2016 23:49

I'd just distance myself for a bit. Don't see him as often as you do. Definitely don't text him.

Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:52

Thanks everyone

Biggest ever dripfeed:
I found out before I moved out that he was filming my kind of stepsister (GFs daughter (17 at the time), he also moved her in) in the toilet. Found a USB stick with evidence.

Ready to be flamed but I basically hate him. Wondering how I let him now this

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieWithTheGoodHair · 04/06/2016 23:53

Also I'm prepared for being absolutely rpped to shreds for not acting on that in the way I should have. I destroyed the USB. I know I shouldn't have and feel like an evil person already for this

OP posts:
BackforGood · 04/06/2016 23:56

If you are both as dependent on alcohol as it appears from your post, then maybe a meal out in the evening isn't the best way to keep in contact, as your relationship is already strained. Is there a time when you can talk when neither of you have been drinking? Maybe meet for a cuppa somewhere, or go for a walk together or something ?