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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are happy?

77 replies

SweetElizaRose · 03/06/2016 17:41

It occurred to me today that basically I've spent all my adult life waiting to feel happy. Or content. And I never have and so essentially I'm just waiting for time to pass until the inevitable conclusion.
And as I thought that I also realised that no one I know is happy either. They are all worried or unhappy about something - kids, health, work, money, aging parents, divorce etc

Is anyone happy? Or at least content? I realise not everything can be perfect all of the time, or even any of the time.
If you are happy how did you achieve it? And if you aren't what would need to change so you were?

OP posts:
EveryoneElsie · 03/06/2016 19:59

The best I feel is content and thats on a very good day. I seem to be surrounded by people who are utter shits. It gets me down.

AnotherOddSock · 03/06/2016 20:00

I think the key to happiness and contentment is to just stop keep wanting things. Bigger house, better car, better holidays, better husband/wife, better everything. Buddhism has good ethics and beliefs to follow to find contentment.

thiswayplease · 03/06/2016 20:03

Until today I would have said I was content. Today I'm happy. Got DH and DC with me in our own garden, that makes me happy.

My job is crap and I really want to change but can't see that happening soon. I do hate that part of my life but the rest is good.

I've always maintained if I'm content then that's good enough.

but then again I've had wine

BabyGanoush · 03/06/2016 20:07

Things that help me, are thinking:

" change what you cannot accept, and accept what you cannot change"

"Count your blessings". Think about what is good in your life, enjoy time spent with people you love.

And the little conversation from Bridge of Spies:
" aren't you worried?"
" would it help if I worried?"
" ...well......no"
" then I won't worry" (or something along those lines.)

BabyGanoush · 03/06/2016 20:14

I wish I could give some of the unhappy people on this thread a great big hug.

Hope things will get better for you soon. Be kind to yourself!

ArcticMumkey · 03/06/2016 20:16

Yes I would say I'm happy. I have a 5 month old baby, the result of a hellish year of ttc and subsequent miscarriage. I'm in the part of my maternity leave where they're still paying me a decent amount and have a well paid, fulfilling job to go back to. My DH really is my best friend and I'm madly in love with him.
I have a large group of wonderful friends, two of whom in particular I can spend extra time with now I'm off work.

I had several very dark years before meeting my now DH and I think the things that have made me happy are the people in my life rather than the 'things'
I'm still a worrier but I'm better at keeping it in check.

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/06/2016 20:20

Yes, happy and content. It took a few years, a fair bit of effort and some luck to get here but it takes a lot to get me down. I love my family and we enjoy a good life. I've been at my happiest in the past 5 years since ds was born. He's helped me put so much into perspective and I no longer stress about the small stuff. I'm also painfully aware of how fragile happiness can be though and know there will come a time when life isn't great.

Hariasa · 03/06/2016 20:26

I'm always happy. I think I was in high school before I realised that other people don't feel that way.

Of course sometimes I'm ill or worried or angry, but mostly I'm very smiley all the time.

I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful DH and lovely DC, a family I get on with, a good job and a nice home, but even when life is going badly I can find a silver lining.

I appreciate that I'm very fortunate in this respect.

whostolethesocks · 03/06/2016 20:29

Someone asked me this the other day and I said 'I don't know'. Of course the real answer was no.

spankhurst · 03/06/2016 20:34

Both my parents are seriously ill in hospital at the moment, which is awful. But it's made me realise that my siblings are very caring people and that our family really loves each other and comprises of rather wonderful people. So, in a very weird way, I am happy at the moment. Generaly I am happy in a low-key way, I guess.

Dexterjamesmummy · 03/06/2016 20:36

I'll never be completely happy again, my little boy died 2 years ago this week (he was only 13 months old), I'm a hell of a lot happier than I was this time 2 years ago though! My boy now has a little sister (she's almost 14 months old now) and we have another baby due in 6 weeks, life is ok but perfect happiness evades us and I think it always will.

TrashPanda · 03/06/2016 20:38

I'm not happy. I'm not sure I really know what happy feels like to be honest. I feel sort of like I move through the days/weeks/years and go through the motions, do what I need to do, but I can't think of a time that I would look back on and confidently be able to say 'I was happy then'.

I love DP and the kids more than I thought possible and sometimes they do things that bring me untold joy, but it's always fleeting or short lived.

I feel like I can't give anything my best, not kids, DP or job and that I'm a bit of a fraud. I shouldn't have the family I have because I don't deserve them. I have no friend or hobbies so I never get to be anyone other that Mum really.

Nothing bad has happened to me in my life and I am hugely grateful that I haven't had any of the awful experiences lots of other people have. I have no reason to feel unhappy really, I just don't know how not to.

imonaplane · 03/06/2016 20:51

I consider myself to be extremely lucky. After many years of having to deal with deaths, injuries and serious illness in our family I feel that we have finally come through. I have a husband who I still love after nearly 30 years, 3 wonderful, grown up sons who I am very proud of and a lovely home with no money worries. 10 years ago, if anyone had asked me, I would not have believed that this would be the outcome. I am very happy.

CPtart · 03/06/2016 20:52

I'm happy. I have a good marriage, two healthy DC, a lovely house and a job I enjoy (most of the time). We are also comfortably off.
I have known real sadness. My DF died at 54 when I was in my twenties, so I don't take anything for granted.

Myyear2016 · 03/06/2016 20:54

Yes.

AuntieMeemz · 03/06/2016 20:54

Happy yes, because after a childhood of serial neglect I learned how to live on nothing, be entertained with nothing, and only ever look for the solution.
Happy because I met and married a man 20 years ago, who cares for me and about me, who thanks me for washing up, dotes on me to this day, and always puts me first (though nowadays, it's after the children but we are both happy with that).
Happy because we had 2 dc after 7 years TTC, 7 rounds of IVF and 1 neonatal death.
Happy because DH is such a good man, though troubled with illness
Happy because the good things surround me.
Happy because after 9 years of non stop battle of wills with DD, we've found a system that works.
Happy that both my DC are alive, and well.
Worried - oh jaysus, worried out of my mind. Rotten job,inlaws who are mentally ill, bullies, control freaks and just keeping them at arms length is mentally exhausting, worried about loosing job and having literally no money.
My favorite thing is camping. When I can't sleep I imagine our favourite campsite on a clifftop, and the sunset. If all else fails, or when it's really bad, I got on you tube and look at videos of mean cats or stupid cats, works every time.
I try to find happiness, even if it's only one tiny thing, but I am luckier than most. The things I needed or wanted most in life came to me!

sockrage · 03/06/2016 20:56

Honestly no
I'm just so worn down by life.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/06/2016 21:00

I'm a naturally happy person. I have a sunny disposition and yes, I'm very happy with my life. Of course I have battled devastating times, I lost my younger brother almost 4 years ago to cancer and it very nearly broke me. But what I was so amazed at was in the midst of all that grief there were so many beautiful things to come of it. Our family got even closer than we already were, friends became family and we experienced kindness that we've never known before, from strangers and acquaintances alike.

I have a husband I love, 2 perfect children, a good job that I enjoy, money in the bank and a family geographically far away but whom I'm very close to. There is very little for me to worry about.

I do try to practice gratitude - most evenings I have a quiet 10 minutes when i think about 3 things I'm grateful for, and they have to be different things each day. Like today, I'm happy that it's pissing down with rain because it's boiling hot here and I love thunderstorms. I'm happy that it's Friday and I get to spend the evening with my little ones, and I'm glad I got to see pictures of my eldest (4 years) on his little trip from his preschool to his big school to look at his new classroom. He was delighted.

I'm quite a materialistic person by nature (in that I like trinkets and I like "things") and to halt any inevitable descent into comparing what we have to our neighbours, I focus solely on the little things that make me feel happy on a daily basis, because each little thing is happiness in my joy bank.

princessmi12 · 03/06/2016 21:04

I'm happy and content
I love my dcs dearly,they are great kids and im so proud of them
I love my profession and happy with my job,I'm greatful my job let's me take care of my family and have a reasonable lifestyle
I love my DP and greatful how happy he makes me feel
We all healthy and reasonably fit.Just chilling on Friday night at home . Bliss!

Bails2014 · 03/06/2016 21:05

Yes. Happiest I have ever been in my life.

Septbaby · 03/06/2016 21:09

At a fundamental level, yes I believe I am, sometimes I take a mental snapshot when I am with my husband, my son and my dog in a 'moment' to make sure I remember that I am happy.

I get lost in the the day to day drudgery of life sometimes and snippy words with husband or toddler tantrums, as well as a shit day at work can make me feel so down and unhappy but I know that deep down, I am happy.

That's quite nice to write that down actually Smile

jillyarmeen16 · 03/06/2016 21:17

I'm happy. On paper I've had a shit start to the year, fiance was cheating on me for 6 months found out and it was awful, the most awful experience of my life actually.
I was a wreck but I've come through it, with the help of my lovely friends and slightly dysfunctional family.
Sometimes the bad things can make you take stock and count your blessings more, think that's what happened in my case, I have a lot to be grateful for, nice home ok job wonderful son, I'm not rich but I get by enough to give my son a nice life I have freedom independence a good support network. Things that I'm passionate about, things to look forward to.
Sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy and then just be happy.

snapcrap · 03/06/2016 21:25

DexterJamesmummy

Thanks I'm really sorry about your little boy

Dexterjamesmummy · 03/06/2016 21:36

Thanks snap x he was an incredibly happy little boy and I was very lucky to be his mummy

AvaLeStrange · 03/06/2016 22:45

I'm not unhappy, but there are always things to worry about (elderly parents, anxious DD, less than ideal job/finances & tricky marriage) to a greater or lesser degree.

It would nice if everything could be plain sailing for a while, but I'm blessed in lots of ways so just keep plodding on and making the most of the good time. It's all any of us can really.

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