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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you are happy?

77 replies

SweetElizaRose · 03/06/2016 17:41

It occurred to me today that basically I've spent all my adult life waiting to feel happy. Or content. And I never have and so essentially I'm just waiting for time to pass until the inevitable conclusion.
And as I thought that I also realised that no one I know is happy either. They are all worried or unhappy about something - kids, health, work, money, aging parents, divorce etc

Is anyone happy? Or at least content? I realise not everything can be perfect all of the time, or even any of the time.
If you are happy how did you achieve it? And if you aren't what would need to change so you were?

OP posts:

Katedotness1963 · 03/06/2016 18:44

No. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed and should be getting treatment, but I can't face going through that again.

IthinkIamsinking · 03/06/2016 18:45

No but on paper I should be. I live each day with crippling fear, worry and sadness.

PattyPenguin · 03/06/2016 18:47

I've been happier. I do have to compare my current life with that of the majority of people on the planet to get myself to accept it - because compared with their lives, mine is a piece of cake. It's just that it's been better in the past. Maybe it will be again.

Squeegle · 03/06/2016 18:47

I'm sad. I'm not unhappy exactly as I am very lucky; 2DCs , 2cats, my health, a house. But... I worry constantly, the DCs don't get on at all, and that makes me sad- it's not what I'd wanted for a family. I'm leaving my job as I'm just so unhappy with it. So now I'm worrying I won't find a new job. I do have fun, I think I'm well liked, and I am (underneath) sure I will find more work. I think it is that I feel overall very lonely. I hope it improves, but I think I've turned into the kind of person who is so used to having to be independent that I won't be able to form a proper relationship in which I feel I properly belong.

MessyBun247 · 03/06/2016 18:51

I definitely was content with my life, until my DD2 took seriously ill suddenly at 4 weeks old, needed emergency surgery, 5 days on life support then 2 days on a surgical ward. Then we got home. She has recovered brilliantly and is perfectly healthy now (18 weeks old). However I've got really bad anxiety now, and although there are lovely moments in every day, I'm definitely a lot less content than I was before it all happened.
Starting counselling next week so hopefully that will help.

Other than that life is good, lovely family, 2 beautiful DDs, in the process of buying a new house, no other real issues or problems

I know I will be happy again in the near future.

Dolphinsanddinosaurs · 03/06/2016 18:54

I am happy. I am a worrier by nature, but despite that, I am generally happy with life. I have a lovely DH and DS, a hobby that I love, a reasonably interesting job, and a few good friends. I do try to focus on the good things in my life, rather than the not so good bits. I think that helps.

Marymaymay · 03/06/2016 18:57

I'm happy.

I think the reason for my happiness is going through difficult life events in the last 15 years - close family suicide, dementia, strokes, DH cancer, infertility, miscarriages. The list of sadness, strain and worry is just too flipping long. But I've learnt from it...

It teaches you to enjoy the right here, right now.

Life right now is tough - pregnant with twins and one will be stillborn but I focus on the positives and take each day as it comes.

I still have days where I feel sad and cry but I feel blessed for each 'ordinary day' where we get up, do the school run, go to work, come home and be a family together.

Social media has a great deal to answer for - people constantly compare what they have/don't have to others.

My wise words?

Be grateful for every ordinary day you have, every day that doesn't bring bad news from the doctors or hospital, every day you don't have a phone call telling you someone is sick or missing, every day that you manage to get your laundry done, eat your dinner and go to bed without drama or worry.

Cleorapter · 03/06/2016 18:57

I've had fleeting moments of happiness in my life but they unfortunately never last very long.

Money worries, stress, worrying about my DD with Autism, housing issues, family issues and being lonely an awful lot of the time always drags me back down to sadness.

Jaimx86 · 03/06/2016 19:03

I am very happy - but with an awareness that my life can come crashing down at any moment (can't anyone's?). Perhaps this thought that overshadows everything makes me very content rather than happy?

My family and I are in good health, and I look for happiness in the simple things.

molyholy · 03/06/2016 19:03

I am happy and very content. I love my husband who I have been with for 15 years. He is my best friend. We have a 7yo dd who I know I am biased is just amazing, happy, caring, lovely little girl who makes us laugh every day with her wise words. We aren't rich, but don't have any money worries for the time being. I love my family and we are close. I don't have loads of friends, but the ones I do have are close ones.

ArgyMargy · 03/06/2016 19:06

Yes, I'm happy. Mainly because the smallest things can make me happy. At the same time, I'm at risk of relapsing into depression but I can live in the moment if I try hard enough. Also I'm happy because this is my absolute most favourite time of the year.

LaPharisienne · 03/06/2016 19:12

I am blissfully happy.

Big stuff went wrong for quite a few years and then, in a very short space of time, it all sorted itself out in the most amazing way. Life is now better than I could ever have hoped. I am incredibly, pathetically grateful and enjoying every minute.

NaraDeer · 03/06/2016 19:15

No. I should be, and that makes me feel worse. I've suffered with depression for 20 out of my 30 years of life and it's got to the point where I just don't care about life at all now.

64PooLane · 03/06/2016 19:30

I'm much happier than I was five years ago. Things aren't very easy financially, or in some ways domestically, but my children and current DP and also my ex-DP (who is now a close friend and still a great dad) are all so lovely, in different ways, and I feel hugely grateful to have them all in my life. And I like my work.

64PooLane · 03/06/2016 19:31

Sending good thoughts to the folk who are struggling, or drifting sadly. Hope it gets better for you.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 03/06/2016 19:33

I am incredibly, pathetically grateful and enjoying every minute

I relate to this, and yes, I'm happy.

I have so, so, so much to be thankful for, in lots of different ways.

HeckyWithTheGoodBear · 03/06/2016 19:39

Depends which day you catch me! I don't know if it's because I'm young, or I'm not very emotionally resilient, or possibly undiagnosed MH issues, but I can feel absolutely miserable and overwhelmingly happy in the space of a week.

Yesterday at 3am, when DD had been up till 10 and had then woken up every half an hour since, I didn't feel happy. I was worried about an exam I had this morning that I hadn't had much time to revise for due to teething DD, the house was a state, i had argued with my DP as I was so stressed and tired, and I couldn't get to bloody sleep even though I know I had a vitally important exam in less than 6 hours. All minor niggles, but at the time I felt ridiculously overwhelmed and upset.

Today, I am pretty sure I aced the exam. DD went to nursery so I blitzed the house until it was spotless. She can't nap at nursery so was knackered when she got home and was fast asleep by 6. DP bought me home some flowers and prosecco to say well done and I'm now snuggled on the sofa with said prosecco and some chocolate and feeling blissfully content. I think life is either just shit, with a handful of happy moments - or great, with a handful of shitty moments. But I should try and be grateful for my lot, as my lot is pretty special.

barbet · 03/06/2016 19:43

icy (and everyone else of course).

I am mostly happy but I think that's because I'm good at repressing stuff and forgetting it. That's not necessarily a good thing all the time!

biddleyboo · 03/06/2016 19:45

Honestly I'm incredibly unhappy 😔
I do have an appointment with my gp next week though and truly just hoping for a magic pill that means I can't feel anything anymore.
Can't see anything getting better anytime soon either.

manicinsomniac · 03/06/2016 19:47

Yes, I'm happy.

There's bad stuff - I'm a single mum to 3 children, none of whom I meant to have (one is a result of a rape). My Dad died when I was 22, I've had anorexia since I was 16 and have a mild form of bipolar disorder. I've had problems with cocaine and prescription drugs. I wanted to do musical theatre or dance professionally but was a combination of not quite good enough and pregnant before I was 20! I've had an obsession with living in London and will never be able to afford it. One of my children has mental health problems.

But
I have a good job which I love, my children are amazing, I have great family and fantastic friends. I still spend most of my time on the performing arts, paid and unpaid, and I live in a lovely, safe area close to a city and not far from London. I have travelled large parts of the world with my children and we do loads of exciting things together.

On balance, I'm very, very lucky and I know it.

TheNaze73 · 03/06/2016 19:48

I'm happy. My children are healthy, work is ball ache but, it funds my social life, my partner & I, annoy the hell out of each other but, laugh loads & my family are great & all in good health. So yeah. Happy

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2016 19:49

I'm happy but every brain has a worry hole which demands to be filled with something.

leopardspice · 03/06/2016 19:50

Yes very very happy and contented. If anything my biggest worry is that all my happiness will go.
But I have a great dh who I LOVE and who loves me
We have a lovely wee girl who...although she has a lifelong heart condition which will need constant assessment/lifelong ops and procedures...is happy and full of life and healthy and it could be so much worse!!!

cardibach · 03/06/2016 19:50

This : And as I thought that I also realised that no one I know is happy either. They are all worried or unhappy about something - kids, health, work, money, aging parents, divorce etc doesn't mean they aren't happy. Happiness doesn't rely on everything being perfect - that's unrealistic in the extreme.
I worry about my old (he's way past ageing) father, my mum died last year, I don't feel secure in my job (although I love it) but I'm generally really happy despite these things.
Don't ruin your life with discontent, OP. It'll never be perfect, just appreciate what is good about it.

Ragwort · 03/06/2016 19:57

Yes, I am happy and content, of course my life isn't perfect, but I would say I am happy most of the time; most importantly is that I recognise that my happiness is my responsibility so I don't rely on my DH or DC or wider family or friends to 'make' me happy - I am resourceful, I have hobbies and interests that I follow.

Maybe I have low expectations - I am extremely happy tonight, DH and DS are out, I have a lovely bottle of prosecco and a nice meal, time to surf mumsnet, a tv recording that I am looking forward to watching, a few nice things happening over the weekend - yes, I am happy .

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