To cry because I hate autism

[PotterBot]

Just took two dad's to the cinema. I checked 40 times at least with eldest dd about the film. X-men.

We lasted less than 45 minutes before we had to leave.

Too many people, too much noise and a film about the end of the world.

I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. Younger dd upset because she had to leave and wants to stay.

I know that in the bigger scheme of things dd could be so much worse and this could be so much worse, but right now I want to cry.

YANBU. Its completely ok to say you hate autism. If you had a choice, why would you choose for your child to have something which makes their life so hard and makes them and your family unhappy? To another poster, I really don't think people are stupid for not always realising why you or your child behave a certain way. They may not understand or be educated in ASD, but why would they be, if ASD hasn't affected their lives? Calling them stupid really doesn't help.

YANBU I hate autism with a passion! Ds 12 starting a new asd base next week! Hes very high functioning but his anxiety and sensory issues cripple him. He is aware he has autism and hates it. He is so depressed, says he wants to die. (Camhs are amazing and always on the other end of the phone) have a young ds who always wants to be out of the house...its so hard during half term. Im dreading next week with the new school. Suppose ill just have to get on with it. What else can you do? Nobody gets it unless they live with it. Getting him a new uniform this week for a school he is too anxious to go to....I can't even be bothered to explain! Its exhausting!! Im shattered. I feel very resentful today (which makes me feel guilty)

Autism doesn't make us unhappy.

If I could take dd1's autism away, I absolutely would.

She would not be better without autism, but her life would. Without a shadow of a doubt.

Taking away her autism would take away the majority of her fear and anxiety. Her confusion, and her inability to access even the simplest things - this inability is not due to her being in an NT world, or because of not enough understanding. It is because of her autism. Her autism adds nothing to her life at all, and severely limits her in so many ways. She will never live independently. Of course I would change that for her if I could.

My dad opened the door to DS1 and said 'no you can't come in' and pretended to shut it in the usual hilarious way he does to everyone and ds1 went hysterical. Why, oh why didn't ds1 understand it was a joke? Well perhaps because it's not fucking funny and perhaps because he doesn't understand 'jokes'.

I cry regularly. I've never been to Holland but i'm totally put off now because if it's like this it really needs a better tourist board.

Blue, no-one has chosen to have a child with autism, you have what you have, and unless I missed the memo there isn't a cure, so wishing they didn't have it is pointless.
It may be ok for you to say you hate autism, but from where I'm sitting, it's offensive and explains a lot about why life is difficult for those who are autistic, because there's so much pressure to not be autistic.

And it was me who called people stupid, what I should have said was people who choose to work with children, (teachers, drs, mental health therapists,) who are therefore in a position where they can make a difference to a child's life, but choose to ignore diagnoses and needs, and refuse to learn more than very basic, stereotypical information. I stand by my decision to call them stupid!
The OP's father taking a chip from the dc's plate when presumably they know the child's difficulties.
Family members who make ignorant comments, friends, people in the street who stare and judge.
No they may not understand or be educated, but at some point they have made a choice to judge rather than be supportive, or even just stay quiet. They may not be stupid, but by making a small effort not to be ignorant, and respect the child's needs, many of our lives would be so much better.

"Autism doesn't make us unhappy."

Agree Meme. Lots of things make me unhappy, but autism ain't one of them!

I don't hate autism at all.

I have to say though I absolutely hate sensory overload/sensory issues. Being overwhelmed by sensory input can never be easy.

DS has the world's most bizarre sensory issues, sure he is not the most sociable, not a problem but I find sensory issues so unpredictable because we still do not have a complete handle on his sensory profile. This makes things difficult for him and I don't like that.

the Holland poem is fucking offensive. I HATE it with a consuming passion.

Honestly, if anyone ever gave it to me i'd insert it where the sun doesn't shine.

Autism sucks.. its sucks on a monumental level.

I don't even ask DS if he wants to do the cinema now, he didnt last 5 minutes the first time :(

I'm lucky that having a sibling with it, my family gets it, but no-one else does, its exhausting having to plan EVERYTHING with military precision.

Autism completely changes the path of family life. I grew up with a sibling who has it. We moved schools, houses, went to endless intervention centers to help him. I lost friends because he was downright dangerous when they were around - and worse again in the privacy of home. We stopped going on holidays as a family because the emotional hell was not worth it. I had bruises, cuts, was punched, kicked, spat at, chased with knives, called every name under the sun.

Autism did not make my life better, it categorically did not. I grieve for what my brother could have been - I still love him as he is, but if he hadn't had it life would be much better for him and us.

If it hadn't been mentioned already, check out the dimensions ASD friendly screenings. Mostly younger kids' films, but Odeon also have some showings for an older audience.

It's fucking shit. Just shit. I have a 4yr old who, through no fault of his own, basically ruins anything vaguely normal we try to do as a family.
We made the big mistake the other wk of trying to have a family meal out. There wasn't many people say outside as it was a bit chilly so we thought that would be OK. But no, there had to be a fucking manhole cover/drain cover thing in the area. After he'd licked it a few times he then wanted to rub his forehead back and forth quite vigorously over the little bumps on the top. when he sat up he was doing the crazy manic smile whilst blood was oozing from his badly grazed head. So we all leave after a couple of mouthfuls.
DH said in the car that he thought the worst part was that the others don't even complain any more. This is their life.

Sorry if I'm being daft, but what is the reference to Holland

You really dont want to know

A bit of understanding and less judgements would make our lives infinitely better

I think that works both ways.

What do you mean notonyur?

Do you mean autistic people need to meet NTs half way?

I think it means that it's us - supposedly inflexible thinkers - who need to be more accommodating for the NT audience.

I think the world is nt making it harder because our kids with autism are forced to conform. I have two with asd. And I've undiagnosed aspergers and I'd take it all away if I could. Aspergers doesn't make me who i am and asd does not define my children. But it makes their lives harder. When my child cannot cope in class because people are talking, or when her mindset is so rigid she goes into meltdown or at six being told by the other kids she's different it is heartbreaking. My kids aren't autism. They have names and personalities. I would take away their anxiety and their struggles. If I hear people say how do you cope or only special people get given special kids I will seriously lose my shit. Oh and that Holland poem does not make me feel any better. Throughout my teenage years I wanted to kill myself, I self harmed and even now as an adult I'm depressed because I cannot make connections that I want to. I'm not doing down others with autism but for me and my kids life is really bloody hard. 🍷🍫😢

I mean that it would be nice if people could understand that a parent can be so upset by the day to day difficulties their child faces that they are indeed allowed to hate autism.

I think it means that it's us - supposedly inflexible thinkers - who need to be more accommodating for the NT audience

Wrong.

One of the things that upsets me the most is that dd is so oblivious to the other girls taking the piss out of her, giggle and talk behind their hands.

I seem to be super aware of it. She runs about flapping around the playground and I just want to howl.

For those of you saying that autism doesn't make you unhappy, I wonder if the autism you are dealing with is in any way similar to the autism I, and many others deal with daily.
-Are you constantly bruised and battered?
-Are you constantly trying to protect your other children from violent outbursts?
-Does your child sleep? Mine does for a maximum of 2hours at a time. Then it's st least 2 more hours before he'll go back to sleep.
-Does your child scream like a wounded animal every morning when you try to dress him? Does he then strip back down naked again repeatedly.
-Does your child scream hysterically at light being on, or sometimes off
-At the television showing something different st the weekend?
-At the postmanbeing a different postman from usual
-Is he still in nappies?
-Does he like to smear the contents of those nappies?
-Does he like to lick things? Door handles, lamp posts, photo frames, shiny things?
-Does your child make it impossible for their siblings to have play dates? Or eat out? Or enjoy a holiday?
-Is your child verbal? Mine barely is and as he's now almost 5, it looks like he never will be.
I'm sorry if all this is true for you too and yet you still don't hate autism. But I think for some of us, hate is too mild a word. I know I don't hate my child and I sure as hell hate something.

For those of you saying that autism doesn't make you unhappy, I wonder if the autism you are dealing with is in any way similar to the autism I, and many others deal with daily

Ive often wondered.

Dd went through a stage of hiding poo. I would walk into her room and be able to smell it. Just little bits of poo.

Do you know what makes me want to rip my own arm off and beat myself? Her father doesn't believe there is anything wrong. Apparently it's all in my head. I made it up because he left me and I couldn't cope. I've been doing this alone for almost 7 years (since he fucked off) and I'm exhausted.

OP I don't think you are unreasonable to hate autism. Nor are you unreasonable to cry! You are having a moment as we all do.

I don't know if it's comparable OP but I hate my depression and anxiety. I'm sure it makes me who I am but it's also ruined my life in many ways. I cry and wish I didn't have it but I've had it all my life and it's part of me. I have no choice.
It's ok to cry! It's ok to hate things that make our lives a struggle.
You are human.