To cry because I hate autism

[PotterBot]

Just took two dad's to the cinema. I checked 40 times at least with eldest dd about the film. X-men.

We lasted less than 45 minutes before we had to leave.

Too many people, too much noise and a film about the end of the world.

I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. Younger dd upset because she had to leave and wants to stay.

I know that in the bigger scheme of things dd could be so much worse and this could be so much worse, but right now I want to cry.

Not to be difficult, but honestly - a grown man taking food off a child's plate and he's frustrated with her? I'd say half the problem is not autism, but a family that are truly either clueless or just plain rude. My dcs would both go nuts over that.

Yep been living the autism dream for twelve years, autism friendly screenings, getting together with other parents of children in the same boat for hiring swimming pool for an hour or so , costs about £80 so between a few families it's not too expensive, our local pool also has a function room that we can use to give them lunch in as well, it works really well as kids without special needs an see that other families have same difficulties and having the place to yourselves means they can lock the doors to escapees and generally be autistic without anyone caring or staring . Also go to parks and beaches early or later when it's quiet, we don't do crowds!! All of us have a crying every once in a while!! My best advice is to find some friends that kids have additional needs, we all help and support each other

Wow I hate it if my husband takes food off my plate and I don't have autism (to be fair he did it once, I had a rant and he never did it again). That's rude behaviour no matter what and I'm so sorry your family lack empathy. How heartbreaking for you and your dc.

it's so hard, but made harder by the fact family/friends think they are just weird/rude/naughty. No they're fucking autistic and saying to them "look at me/talk to me/answer me" just make them withdraw into themselves even further. Arrgghhh

Yep. Me too.

Currently on holiday with my 3 dc with ASD.

It's both great to see them in the moments they are having fun, and absolutely exhausting. They all have different needs, so as a pp said, there's always at least one disgruntled and flapping about something. It is not often possible to please all of them, and every day is a long stream of negotiation and placating talks, constantly.

The planning ahead is exhausting, and I hate having to do the same thing/go to the same places over and over - if any of them actually worked and all 3 were happy I'd mind less, but we're stuck doing the same things and usually have at least one unhappy child! Grrr.

Still, I seem to have worn mine out for now, as it is oddly quiet here, so and for me!

With you all the way. Today was the dentist - no sleep was had last night, and major meltdowns all morning, things were thrown, bodies bounced off walls. (His, not mine) Dentist has referred us to dental hospital so that he can be sedated for a proper checkup.

The holidays are a load of bum, no routine and so hard for him.

I need a gin and to bury myself in a large chocolate cake.

Ha! It's definitely more like Beirut than Holland. YANBU, I fucking hate autism too.

I don't hate autism, I hate the fact that other people make it so bloody difficult!
Ds2 doesn't like contact, but people seem to make a beeline for him to ruffle his hair, hug him, play fight etc, all of which he'll look like he's enjoying, and will then explode later.
I don't like contact either, but it's the done thing, and people think you're rude if you don't hug or kiss them.

YANBU op.

I hate autism with a passion.

I will never understand some parents of DC on the spectrum who coo 'ooh, but I'd never change him/her, they wouldn't be them without the autism'.

Fuck that.

11yo ds has Aspergers and is very high functioning, but his ASD makes his life far harder than it should be and consequently this makes life for the rest of us far harder than it should be too. And because ds is so high functioning, this adds a whole level of extra stress because he seems perfectly 'normal' until he does something that isn't 'normal' for an 11yo child.

If ds didn't have autism he'd still be him, he'd still be the lovely, sweet natured sensitive child he is, but he wouldn't have all the angst and stress and self esteem issues that he does.

I would take away his Aspergers in a heartbeat. It adds very limited positives to his life but heaps on an absolute load of negatives. Bloody autism has a lot to answer for.

I don't even have a child with ASD and I found that Holland thing pretty . Several mates with ASD children on a variety of levels also felt that same with one saying it was a load of old bollocks. I don't experience it first hand but I've seen many many times just how exhausting it is for my friends and just how planned everything has to be. Balls in the air with bells on.

dietcoke your post sums up absolutely everything I feel with DS1 (10). He's high-functioning and very tall for his age, so people are like "ooh, look at him" if he does something outside of the realms of 'normal'. He is kind, funny and just a lovely young man. I wouldn't change a thing about him or his personality but I'd remove the ASD in a heartbeat because life often feels so much harder, not only for us but for him, too.

It exhausting, my 17 yo high functioning dd got on the bus on weds talking to the driver at top pf her voice about how glad she was that they had stopped as some buses go right past and its happenened before and why didnt they see her waving her arms and she showed how she waves her arms, she 5 foot 8 so it was a sight and the bus passengers were gawping but the bus driver let her do her speel before we sat down. I felt at least shes stopped talking now and letting out a sigh of relief that this was all.

Its all so much harder and tiring. Im sick of explaining to her but im even sicker of explaining to others. Autism is crap and i did cry yesterday.
to you all

Well I'm an autistic mom with an autistic kiddo and let me just give you hugs. It's hard and being autistic isn't hard but there's nothing wrong with us. We just see and understand the world a little differently than others.

Have you tried maybe a weighted teddy bear? They are really good for myself and my kid when we are being over stimulated in public. Holding the weight helps calm us.

Also stimming toys can help a lot

Dietcoke, I'm with you all the way.

Dd1 has severe autism, but is very high functioning for severe. She knows she is different, and hates it.

Dd2 and ds both have Aspergers. They too seem 'normal' to everyone around us, until they freeze at a loud sound, or panic at an unexpected sight/sound/experience.

I often think of my experience (of having to plan everything, have eyes everywhere to be prepared for what might happen around us, think at least 3 steps ahead and have contingency plans for my contingency plans) as similar to being stuck inside a morph suit with a child who hates the feel of it, and I'm having to keep every inch of it away from them all at the same time - an impossible task - but that's how it feels sometimes trying to keep everything going, and trying to keep the world at a reasonable distance away to give my dc time and space to process everything.

We has DS on the Severe end of the spectrum and has LD too he is 6 but functioning 18-24. We are lucky as he LOVES the cinema and we sit at the front so he can fidget and flap as much as he likes. He shouts and laughs hysterically ( went to see Angry birds today)!!!
Did leave a shopping trip the other day though as he nearly killed 3 people with grabbing Yankee candles from his wheelchair and chucking them. Ds8 and DD4 didn't get thier toy !!!

We just stopped doing things as a family because of things like this. We'd take a kid each instead and do different things. If you're on your own, it's even harder as you can't do that. I felt bad for my daughter because we stopped seeing friends (no one wanted us round), stopped having people round, stopped going to the cinema, stopped going on holiday, stopped day trips - instead we'd take it in turns to have 'quality time' with the NT child so they didn't miss out too much and 'quality time the the ASD child so that they got to spend a less stressful time. People don't get it. They don't get the level of micro managing you have to do, the amount of pre-emption because you know that if x happens followed by y, a meltdown will ensure. Instead you get accused of being 'over-protective'... The key to ASD management is stress management for the person with ASD - which is exhausting for the parent!

Dietcoke, sorry, I don't think I am with you there.
I have ASD, and I don't believe I would be me at all if the ASD was taken away, and saying that I would be better without these limitations is saying that I'm not good enough.
I have spent a lifetime not being good enough in others' eyes, and that has been the limiting thing, not the autism.

I have two (possibly three) DC with autism, yes life is challenging, but usually because we are living in a NTs' world, and usually because so much of my life is spent with stupid people who don't get it and who make no effort at all to get it. A bit of understanding and less judgements would make our lives infinitely better.

Oh YANBU

I have a 10 year old with autism, and a 16 year old with serious mental health problems who is aggressive, irritable and deeply depressed. My worst moments are when they both have to be together in an enclosed space. Car journeys are unspeakable. :-(

YANBU, not at all. I have been so grateful the weather has largely been ok for half term, as we have spent 90% of the day time in the garden, where DS can stim away happily. His brothers are luckily reaching an age where they can pop to the park or whatever without an adult, but I have done the abortive trips with them all in the past and it is tough.

Sorry your trip didn't work out today

Autism is an intrinsic part of autistic people. Saying you hate autism is pretty offensive because what you're saying is that you hate us.

Thankyou LittleMissBossy

I have asd so does Dh and 2 out of 3 dc's.

I hate it when people won't give us a chance they hear asd and seem to just shut down. I hate when people try to force use to socialise and think we should have people around us as we surely can't be happy just have a small social circle and just being our little family. I hate when people say I have to change because who I am is just not acceptable. Me and Dh doesn't really have screaming raging meltdowns but if there's one thing I have learnt it's dc's have then to express themselves because they can't communicate what there needs are just like a 2 year old has terrible 2s.
We all have good days we all have bad days. Some more than others. Some children with no issues can have horrible nasty meltdowns. It's all apart of being a parent we deal with all challengesorts we have to find strength and carry on. It's not fair to say you hate autism. It's a phrase a fact of life and a part of growing up we stress we meltdown we learn we fall we achieve we fail but we always find strength and carry on.