OH wants a bariatric op - I'm SO against

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He is very overweight, however I am concerned about a general anaesthetic given his weight, and after that how our life style will have to radically alter...
Has anyone else been in this situation?

OH had major stomach surgery last year for health reasons, not because he was overweight. There are lasting implications in relation to this surgery, not least dumping syndrome and feeling very uncomfortable after eating.

It is very hard to estimate how much you can eat to feel full, but not to feel uncomfortable. OH had his surgery 9 months ago and still hasn't got it right. Other side effects are frequent diarrhea and needing to lie down after meals.

It sounds to me that your husband has psychological issues with food and these need to be addressed first. No amount of weight-loss or surgery is going to change his attitude towards food and he will just make himself ill unless he is prepared to change his eating patterns.

I think he would benefit from the counselling that goes alongside finding out about this option. As others have said, go with him, do lots of research. He's not yet in a position to say 'I'm doing this' and you're not in a position to say 'I think it's the wrong decision' because neither of you have enough information.

His choice but NHS is going off surgery. The key to obesity is changing attitude to food. If you want to cheat you can and will eg drinking a melted Mars bad a day " because I feel weak" .... If he's hiding food / evidence how's that going to change ?

I don't see why the need to liquidise his food would make you a mother to him. Surely he is capable of operating a blender to make his own meals?

I think the key to this is what doctors say. They are well aware of the dangers of anaesthetic and they are best placed to give you informed and helpful advice. They will by no means recommend the surgery if they think the risks outweigh the benefits. (I have a situation at the moment with an elderly relation who wants an op to have a mass removed - not currently cancerous, but pre-cancerous - and the doctors have been extremely clear that they do not think it is in her best interests to do the op).

I think, as a PP said, there are probably risks on both sides to be weighed in your DH's case. Getting all the facts about the benefits and risks and talking about it a lot together over a period of time is going to be important.

Your lifestyle will have to radically alter anyway to get his weight down otherwise he's going to end up suffering with serious Ill health and an early death.

That's precisely what I thought. Either he loses weight or you risk a another sort of lifestyle change in becoming a widow or his carer. You either support him by helping to overhaul the whole family's attitude to food and eating (from your OP I would suspect that you see food/eating as a very social activity which you would struggle to replace), or by seeking help from medical professionals and engaging fully with their advice.

Whatever route you/he take, you should encourage him to get counselling to get to the bottom of his issues with food. You may want to also take part in these sessions as the fact that your concerns stem from the impact on your social life or relationship rather than his health/long-term implications doesn't suggest you're 'on board' with the whole weight loss thing and the choices you as a family will have to make to accommodate that.

Op, how much weight does he have to lose and why can he not do it conventionally? Because no matter how the weight is lost, the real battle is psychological

How about HE takes some responsibility, admitting he has an eating disorder and seeking psychiatric help ? If he's binging in secret the op won't stop that, so is an unnecessary risk.

My husband was 28 stone and decided when I got pregnant with DD that something had to change. He talked to GP and decided a gastric band would be his plan b but plan a was going to be Slim Fast and exercise. He started by having two slim fasts and a healthy dinner each day, but could eat whatever he wanted to for dinner on a Saturday. He started doing walks in the evenings, just of a mile or so round the local area.

Within weeks he had lost more than three stone.

Within a year he had lost ten stone and had gone from those short walks to running 5k before work four mornings a week and 10k three evenings a week.

He's now- three years on- just over 15 stone, is running a half marathon at the end of June and has put himself in that ballot for the London Marathon next year.

I'm so proud of him, he's got incredible willpower and has made huge lifestyle changes and totally changed his attitude to food, portion size and exercise. It can be done without surgery if your heart is really in it.

Your lifestyle will have to radically alter anyway to get his weight down otherwise he's going to end up suffering with serious Ill health and an early death.

Exactly this.

Ok, well thanks for your replies. He hasn't even been to see a surgeon yet, just his GP to enquire about the operation, I wasn't told this until after the appointment.

I am not overweight at all, even though I have thyroid problems, but I am careful with what I eat, and always have been.
OH has definite emotional feelings about food, he really loves it! It makes his feel good, which is another reason for me to feel concerned that he wont have that will power to stick to the necessary intake after the op.
I gather the type is a "plication"? Its new I think.
Anyway, thanks for all the replies, I am no further forward except for hearing from one or two who have had surgery and I may if allowed, private message for information later down the line.
Yes he tried Slimming World, we have never heard of Diet Doctors, but will look into it. I am thinking of preparing meals of the size he will be allowed to see how that goes down...
Thanks again

He's a grown up so why can't he prep his own meals to see what he'll be allowed?? If he will not take responsibility for his own food choices and portion sizes (or maybe you won't let him?) then he's on a hiding to nothing going for surgery. There's a big difference between support and babying.

Wasn't there a thread a few days ago where some one had a friend who was tricking the band etc by eating melted chocolate?

Why, yes there was. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2648074-my-cousins-weight-loss-surgery-hasn-t-worked
This might be worth a read.

I had a gastric sleeve a year ago (similar to the plication op but I had part of my stomach removed, the plication op just kind of 'folds' the stomach to make it smaller. I've lost 8 stone. I'd like to lose another 3-4.
I was only on liquidised food for a few days, after that I ate 'soft food', yogurts, scrambled eggs, soft cheese, pate, mashed up stews etc. It really is only a very short time that you have to eat 'special' foods.
No, he won't be able to eat big meals afterwards but he will be able to go to the pub and have a starter, or do what I do, order a small main course and leave some, that's not the end of the world. You can't eat and drink together but I can drink until I eat and then about an hour afterwards, that's not too awful is it?
In the end, it's his decision, the anaesthetist will assess him and will have experience with bariatric patients.
Staying very overweight is far more of a risk than one operation.
Pm me if you need further info about the op or aftercare
Good luck to you and him, it's a big step, but well worth it.

Yes, I would give him meal sizes like he will be able to eat after surgery. Then compare that to a nice big plate of steak and chips (or whatever floats his boat). Surely it would be better to be able to eat real meals, rather than tiny portions? Slimming World does work, if you stick to the plan, but you do have to ditch most of the "bad" food, like you do on any diet.

But I don't mean to sound preachy, I do know that it is an emotional/psychological problem. If he can't conquer that desire to eat, or that craving for something, then no diet will never work.

I decided that I would rather work on my will power and be able to still enjoy decent meals rather than be forced into eating tiny portions as the desire to eat would still be there. A friend of mine had the surgery and afterwards would be filled up by a cheese triangle or 1 cracker.

HI, you're more than welcome to PM me - I've not done it before, so be patient with me!!! I wouldn't suggest preparing meals the size he will have after the operations... two teaspoons of tuna mayo really wouldn't have helped me before hand!! Life is very different after, and its difficult to explain but immediately after (in my case with the bypass) I had no hunger for a year (the honeymoon period), so food became fuel and my relationship with it changed. That has sort of corrected over the years, but in that honeymoon period it was about making sure I ate enough (yep, even those two teaspoons were a challenge!!). Be involved, you will learn a lot xx

My colleague went through this. There are pros and cons of course, she has lost a significant amount of weight, she's put a little back on (it's been 5 years now) but she is still about a third smaller than she used to be. She does have some complications from it though that seem to be long term, she has to be careful that food doesn't stick in her gullet. She also has a constant gurgling sort of thing that happens, I'm not sure what it is exactly but you can hear it when you sit next to her. Like someone's tummy is rumbling loudly. She also has to deal with acid reflux now too. Healthwise of course her numbers look so much better than they were before the op. The downside though? She can't eat as much but she still craves all the wrong foods constantly and she drinks sugary lattes non-stop and nibbles on biscuits all day long, the band didn't cure her desire to eat of course.Something to think about, of course this is only an anecdotal experience.

She can't eat as much but she still craves all the wrong foods constantly and she drinks sugary lattes non-stop and nibbles on biscuits all day long, the band didn't cure her desire to eat of course.Something to think about, of course this is only an anecdotal experience.

and this can be one of the hardest parts of any weight loss surgery - when the food you crave is still accessible to you ina form you can eat/drink it.

Cravings are so hard for many people, and for those who have had surgery the initial stages are worse because they physially cannot eat the things they want. That said, I do have total respect for those people who have seen that there is a problem with their weight and do something about it. Surgery, despite what people might think, is NOT an easy option and carries so many risks and long term considerations that for most people it's a last resort.