AIBU.... to hope for a little kindness?

[Eliza22]

Situation: DS is 15 and has Aspergers. He has no friends. We are in the process of changing schools due to bullying. He is painfully shy and hugely socially awkward. He wants to be "normal" (his words) and "just fit in".

Recently, he has started to go down to the park. Takes his phone and keeps in touch with me regularly. Today, he kind of went off radar....not answering my texts and calls. It was only for ten mins but, I was starting to panic. Turns out, a group of 13 yr olds were having a go at him, took his phone, downloaded a picture of a lady in her undies and made it DS's screensaver. Then they wouldn't give his iPhone back to him. All passing it around. They were also eating biscuits and were crunching them up and shoving handfuls down ds's t shirt. Then, one boy put his hand down his (own) jeans and rubbed the hand on ds's face (????!!!!)

What the f**k is going on with kids these days? Why, when they see an obviously "different" kid, do they take the piss and abuse them, for fun?

Last year, something similar happened. The police were called. DS had his glasses broken and clothing torn. Police did nothing.

I'm at a loss. Why can't things be different for kids who are "different"? Is it too much to expect a little kindness?

This is horrible.

Would he perhaps be able to do something like adventures scouts where it is a bit more structured and monitored by adults so he can be outside and with people his own age without being in danger.

So sorry this has happened.

Scouts may be a good plan.
The one my ds goes to has 2 boys with asd of some degree, one used to have a volunteer helping him each week. Both seem to really enjoy it and the other scouts simply accept them and interact with them easily.

Morning all.

Thanks for all of your suggestions. We've tried many:
Scouts
Football
Gymnastics
Beavers
Social clubs for autism
Social clubs for special needs
Go-Karting
Indoor climbing
Bowling
Table tennis
Swimming
Computer Clubs for teens

Pretty much run out of ideas.

I know that it may be anathema to suggest this, but the thing that (literally, I think) saved my DS's life was online gaming - particularly the RPG sort where you need to be a part of a team. He played initially on DD's team, so she could sort of introduce him to people, but he fairly quickly outstripped her, and ended up being really valued within that community. He still conducts most of his social life online, and whilst I'd prefer that he had more friends in real life, I think that may be down to my own prejudices - the group he hangs out with online are all incredibly supportive to him, and to each other (and from time to time they do meet up in real life).

But I agree that it may be an idea to get the police involved, and as you know which school the bullies go to, tell the school that you've had to report their pupils to the police for assault (and that the assault had both a sexual element and a hate crime element). God, I can remember when I was at school, I'd have been slapped with a detention for eating crisps on the street whilst in school uniform because it would reflect badly on the school, let alone bullying of this nature. I can't believe they wouldn't be interested (well, can believe they wouldn't, can't believe they shouldn't).

Ministry, I've no idea what RPG games are. He's MarioKart mad. Like I say, there's a huge immaturity to him which is partly his condition and partly his lack of peer (learning curve) contact.

You know, if I published our complaint to the Chair of Governors, you absolutely would not believe what has gone on. It is scandalous. The solicitor we contacted said school broke so many "rules" such as, DS ought to have been interviewed by social services and police in an entirely different manner; the boy should have been removed immediately, from the school; sanctions put in place on the lead bullies were no where near what they should have been; police spoke to the bullies parents but never to us. We got a full written apology but it was too little, too late. The damage was done.

I do hope DS has no more than 6 weeks left at the school but I seriously worry about the next one.

I'm so sorry. Is he doing the challenge/ NCS this summer? It's well managed and cheap or free so you practically could send him for the day to see how he gets on.
And counterintuitively what about cadets? Again very managed and very hot on respect and interpersonal skills.

Just realised the challenge would be next year not this summer.

. NCS? What's that? Don't think it's on my "list of stuff we've tried"

That is disgusting behaviour towards any child, and I am so sorry this has happened to your little boy. I really do hope something is done about this. Our school has a fab counselled, does yours? To help your son through this.

I hope you get all the love and support you need.

So terribly sorry that this happened to your son. Just awful

Teenagers are horrible creatures.

RPG stands for Role play games so online gaming either on a PC or console.
Could he be a Minecraft fan?

I'm so sorry for you and your family, op. Your son sounds lovely x

Thank you.

I'm sure if their parents knew what was happening, they'd be disgusted.

I reported it to the police. They gave me an incident number but said without names, there's nothing much they can do. I asked them if they might patrol the park in the summer hols/weekends.

The desk officer was very sympathetic (like last year) but bottom line? Nothing will happen.

NCS, The Challenge is a post GCSE summer scheme. It's very well planned and organised- I saw the six weeks of school and thought he was Leaving this summer.
What about church? Even if you don't believe you could sell it to him as investigating new communities. As a family we've moved around a lot and always had a strong base of friendly faces through church.

I have done some research on church locally. The groups seem to be toddlers to 11 or 12. I will look further into it.

This is NCS:

www.gov.uk/government/get-involved/take-part/national-citizen-service

Students at my school speak highly of it.

Even if churches don't have formal groups he's likely to meet friendly people in a 'being nice' setting.
Admittedly my RC church has nothing for teens but the evangelical one has loads going on. I can see that's a bit full in from a standing start though.

If god forbid similar happens again tell the police you want it logging as a hate crime, it wasn't just assault, it was victimisation due to your ds's autism.