To move house one week after giving birth?

[chellem1]

We accepted an offer on our house back in February and thought we would have moved well before now. The buyer has dragged his feet, it's all of a sudden June and we arranged completion date for one week before my due date as we were very eager to be in the new house with the new baby. Found out this week that I'm going to be induced two weeks early, in just over a week's time. I was induced for my DD as well, and had her on the second day, followed by a 2-night stay (if that has any bearing).

We're moving about 60 miles away. We're paying for movers to come in and pack everything up for us, and DD will be at nursery that day.

Is this totally crazy? Has anyone got experience/tips? Should I be doing anything now, the week before I go in? Thanks!

I agree with pug

People rely very heavily on the "children are resilient" platitude, but you are the adult deciding to do this and deciding how to minimise the physical impact on yourself, which is all well and good but your 2 year old is not just somebody who needs to be out of the way on move day, she is a person who is going to feel the floor has disappeared from under her, with almost every single thing in her life changing radically and permanently all at once.

You need to focus your concern and effort on making all this change OK for your DC1 or you are going to have some almighty fall out in the form of sibling resentment and jealousy and a very unsettled and challenging toddler for a good long time to come.

We moved 3 months before DC2 was born and I felt so bad bringing so much change at once to DC1, who was 21 months at the time, that was far more important than the fact I packed up a 3 bed house for an international move while 6 months pregnant and looking after a toddler on my own as DH had gone on ahead... both a big move and a new sibling are such earth shattering things to a toddler, you need to be there for her and reassure her, not bring her home to a done deal - she will feel so out of control and side-lined and replaced otherwise and you will have such an anxious, stroppy, unhappy, unsettled, jealous child on your hands.

I wouldn't get my mum to clean the old house in your situation. This is a luxury that your buyer lost by dragging feet, I would be getting my mum to help me and not some stranger!!!!

Excellent point scwabi, the relationship with my sibling has never recovered from events which occurred around the time of my birth!!!!!

I helped someone else move about six weeks after having dc1. He was mostly asleep or sat in his pram watching us so pretty easy. I did over do the lifting though, so don't do that.

I did it. Don't overthink it, you'll all be fine. Just get as much help as possible. My parents unpacked pretty much everything, it was the least stressful move ever. I would have struggled physically so as long as your dp realises it's going to be on his back and you may not be able to do anything. Also get DC1 minded as you will be busy with baby and possibly not physically able to mind them.

Don't overthink the DC1 being jealous and disrupted either. Kids are more resilient and flexible than you imagine. Ignore people going on about jealousy etc. Might happen but not necessarily. My nearly 2 yr old adored the baby from the moment he set eyes on her and surprised us by not making any fuss about suddenly being in a new house.

I haven't written much about DD, but she's certainly not forgotten in this whole scenario! I've been stressing quite a lot over these three huge changes for her.

When I say she'll be at nursery that day, that's obviously just the practicality. As neither of us will be in a position to give her our full attention, it just makes sense that she's being cared for in an environment that she knows well. We involved her in the house decision, I've been careful to find a nursery setting that's not too dissimilar from what she's used to, and she's very much looking forward to DS' arrival (although I'm aware that can change on a whim once the reality's here). We've been reading her books about these various changes, discussing them with her regularly and she's had a couple of sessions at the new nursery.

However, any advice on this is welcome too - none of us have ever been in this situation before!

We paid the movers to put our bed up/together before they left, that was a god send! Just knowing we could get on with other stuff and putting a bed up for us takes forever, for them 20 minutes and only cost £10 a bed! Best money we spent!

My concern would be Will you be able to watch others unpack etc. I know I could not, would get cross/upset they were doing it wrong and make myself do it and wear myself out. Also if you can let them can you cope with 're-sorting stuff later on as they have got it wrong!

chellem1 that's a relief. I would say it is important you all enter the new house together - do not get a grandparent or family friend or just DH alone to collect her from nursery and walk in to the house to find a madona and child installed on the sofa/ bed in the new house, making her feel like an interloper or spare wheel!

It may be inconvenient but I'd want to fetch DD from nursery myself and be the one to bring her to the new house - ideally with new baby and DH, all 4 of you "new" to the house at once in her eyes, and exploring it as "home" together.

Get DH to bring her visit you and the baby in hospital and introduce the baby as her brother, pay more attention to her than the baby while she is there (because the baby won't care, aside from needing feeding and changing). Give her a little present from the baby at first meeting for being such a lovely big sister. Make sure she fetches you from the hospital with DH. Make her a part of everything.

Keeping other things as much the same as possible is great - nursery as she is used to it, though she'll need to settle in all over again despite it seeming similar to an adult eye, her new room set up similarly (unpack her stuff first) etc.

That's what seemed to work for us - we've got 3 DC with a 24 month gap from DC1 to 2 then an 3.5 year gap from 2 to 3 and have never really had any jealousy.

DD and I entered our new house for the first time together and brought the baby home together - its less convenient but so worth it to make them feel fully actively involved rather than as if their world is spiralling out of control and they are loosing their security.

I think it can be done so long as you are organised. Use a company who not only packs and moves but unpacks as well. Seriously - I'm never packing / unpacking my own stuff again.

And I would suggest getting a professional cleaner in to give the whole house a going over before and after you move in. It's a little more expensive, but totally worth it in terms of less stress.

*never had any jealousy isn't actually true - but never had any nasty jealousy. DC1 did play up by climbing onto high surfaces or spilling things or deliberately making a lot of mess and then pointing out to me what she was doing when I deliberately didn't react, whenever I sat down to breast feed DC2...

knaffed - you're totally right about tough titties to the buyer, but I do have the "luxury" of it being my mum, so it's not like I'm hiring a cleaning firm - if she needs to stop (or never start) and help me, she's there for that (thank God!).

thankful - definitely getting the movers to put our beds back up! Totally worth it!

roystonv - I wouldn't under normal circumstances but I think I'll just have to this time. We've already done the whole cathartic thing of selling/binning/giving away tons of stuff, so as long as I can set my hands on the basics in the early days, I think I can live with finding my shoes in a living room box 2 weeks later, even if that would normally drive me mad!

schwarbi - you make a lot of really excellent points there. I was going to get dh to pick her up from nursery, even though I want to do it, for practicality's sake, but I think you're completely right. Barring anything medical getting in the way, I will go and get her from nursery and we WILL all walk in together, I think you're spot on with that. Puts paid to me going to my mum's (she lives close by at the other end, we're moving back towards my family).

I do think siblings sometimes get jealous under normal circumstances too!

From all the messages (thank you so much!), it looks like I need to plan and pack my own and the kids' stuff as much as possible in advance, then be flexible on the day and let others do the house stuff while I do the kid stuff. Will do!

Not quite the same but we had massively disruptive building work going on when DS was still breastfeeding. Prioritise which rooms and things need to be unpacked especially as it's likely to be your DH doing this solo. We put our essentials in clear plastic crates with clip on lids (like the Really Useful ones they sell in Hobbycraft) and the builders knew never to move these or stick stuff on top of them or they would face my wrath! Just give yourselves time - the new house doesn't have to be perfect straight away, take time to enjoy being with each other and explore around your new home (bug hunts and finding the nearest swings for your DD). Good luck with it, and for a safe easy arrival of DC2 too

Those friends you mentioned you could call on if something went wrong? Call on them now. Ask for help.

Definitely get help unpacking, your DH is frankly deluded to think he can do it in a day, it takes forever. Ask the movers if they'll do it for extra money in the circumstances even if they don't usually. Get a cleaning agency from the new area to come in that day or the next to clean it- it's very easy to make a house look spotless for viewings but it still be dirty behind furniture etc. And get an online food shop delivered the next morning.

You can do it, but it will all be a lot nicer for you if you throw a bit of money at it. Don't let your newborn memories be you sobbing in the car with a hold-all and kettle on the boot!! :)

Good luck, what an exciting year you're having :)

I know DH is deluded... I'll let him crack on. We'll definitely get the movers to put the furniture back up, but they don't do unpacking, just checked.

You never know, I could go into spontaneous labour even earlier and have everything in hand by then (that week would make all the difference, obviously).

I thought I'd update this with how the move went, just in case anyone has the same question.

I ended up giving birth early hours Tuesday morning and was out by lunchtime. The thought of the move with a 6-day old (and a 3yo) was far worse than the reality, which went extremely well - better than I could have hoped!

The removals company came in at 7.30am to pack everything up, I took my DD to nursery early doors and my mum arrived to clean. I sat in the living room while they packed everything up and I fed/changed my DS as and when I needed to, and then he luckily wanted a big feed right before we set off, which I did in the (stationery) car because they'd just taken the sofa. My husband and I picked her up from nursery together, and then he drove her and I drove DS to the new house. He slept for the whole hour drive. We all went into the new house together, as suggested here.

I then cleared out to the swing in the back garden while DD bounced on the trampoline and the movers worked their magic bringing everything in and reassembling beds and wardrobes.

I'd kept DD's bedding to hand for that first night so she was in familiar surroundings and she slept really well. Online shopping was delivered the next morning.

My husband and I worked hard to unpack the majority of boxes over the next few days, and our DD has settled into the new nursery - the staff there have continually commented how well she's fitting in and making new friends so quickly.

So, in short... A happy ending! Thanks to all who gave advice, I found it really constructive!

I moved 300 miles a week BEFORE the birth . It was fine but I think would have been far harder a week after!

A great ending! Well done!

I'd plan the move with an assumption that you won't be there/won't be able todo anything so anything you can do is a bonus. I'd also book a hotel room locally if you can preferably with a cancellation policy that allows you to cancel up to 6pm on the day (most hotels offer this for a bit more) so if it's needed it's available (and not fully booked) and if it's not you can cancel it.

Make sure absolutely everything is clearly labelled with the room it is going into so the movers don't put things in the wrong rooms.

Doh missed the last page I really did think I'd read to the end .....sorry. Every happiness to you all in your new home.

Great update!