To ask for solutions to toddler bedtime issue that doesn't involve a bolt across his door...

[Writerwannabe83]

Me and DH put DS (2yr 2m) into a toddler bed a few days ago and we are having problems.

We have put a stair gate across his doorway to stop him wandering around upstairs but it now means we can't close his bedroom door which I think is the cause of all the problems.

Without his door shut the room is a lot lighter, he can hear EVERYTHING and routine noise is waking him up and I also think the loss of his security/safety of being in an enclosed room is upsetting him.

Me and DH are at a bit of a loss to the point where DH even suggested removing the stair gate so we can shut DS's bedroom door but then put a bolt across the top (on the outside) so DS can't open it from the inside and get out. It's a stupid idea and I told him so, I said absolutely no way are we locking DS in his room. I don't think DH had thought it through and was simply looking for a practical solution.

What have other people done to overcome this problem?

I have considered taking off his stair gates and putting stair gates across other doorways, I.e across the bathroom door, the door to the spare room, across the stairs etc so he can't go wandering into them should he leave his room, but I'm pretty sure that if he knows he can leave his own room then he'll be out of it all night as opposed to sleeping.

Does anyone have any ideas or solutions?

The problem with not having a stair gate across his room would mean that if I didn't lie down with him to settle him he would just come chasing our after me if I left the room

I've been fiddling around for ages with our stair gate and there is absolutely no way it can go across his room in a manner that means we can still shit his door.

I will have a look at the website above for alternative stair gates, thank you.

As an aside, I work in a profession where child safety is part of my role and we have always advised parents never to put stair gates across the top of stairs for the reason haligh said. I unfortunately have come across numerous young children who gone flying down a flight of stairs as a result of pushing against it, so dislodging it to the point where it falls down the stairs with the child closely behind it

Can you not get a gate or a door that can close together? We have 3 stairgates at 3 different doors in our house and we can close both those and the doors together.

My 2.8 year old has a stair gate across his doorway - which has been defunct for the last month as he can now open them!! It hasn't really made a difference though - he it pretty good at going to bed. Can your DS open your doors? We have high door handles so if needed, we could close the door and he can't get out anyway.

Are you SURE he would get out if he knew he could? It might be worth trying it for a week and seeing how he gets on.

I have narrow doorways too. You're using the wrong stair gates really. There are ones you can adjust to fit smaller doorways. They're normally the ones you screw into the frame though rather than pressure fit.

That said, I don't use them. DD has been in a toddler bed for a few months now and I've never had one on her door. She's like your DS in that she won't sleep with an open door. I'm in a flat so she's not in much danger if she let's herself out of her room. If I were in a house, I'd put a gate at the top of the stairs and have a little lock at the top of any doors she's not allowed to go through. When she gets up, I return her to bed. We had a hard couple of weeks but it's rare she let's herself out before morning nowadays.

So don't use a stair gate with pressure fixings at the top of the stairs - use one that screws into the newel posts, and use an extra tall one if you think they can launch themselves over the top.

Or, don't use a stair gate at all, teach him how to use the stairs and leave the landing light on?

Can't see why you need a stair-gate and a locked door?

We have a gate about halfway down the hall upstairs rather than at the top of the stairs. DS is still in a cot though, we just have the gate in case he climbs out his cot as i know that he can open his bedroom door very easily.

When my db was little I remember my dad taking the handles off some of our doors and turning them upside down so the handle had to be pushed up to open the door iyswim? Not dangerous in a fire etc but enough to prevent my Houdini little brother escaping, might be worth a try?

I could have written this myself almost word for word. I'm going to read through the thread later when I have time but we've literally just done the same but we have put the stair hate on the outside off the door. On the side of the landing so the door still shuts. Dd routine has now completely gone out off the window !! I feel like I have a newborn again

I just dont see what the problem is in lying down with him until he is asleep. can't take that long...

It takes my toddler about an hour Tiny. I try to leave him if I can so I can have a bit of an evening, I do stay with him rather than have him upset though.

And what happens if they wake up in the middle of the night? If they aren't used to self settling they'll probably come and wake you up because they want you to lie down with them so they can drift off to sleep again.

We moved DD into a bed in January just after her 2nd birthday as she had started jumping out of her cot. I think it unfortunately coincided with some kind of behaviour/sleep regression and was very bad timing in hindsight. She refused to stay in her bed or her room and we resorted to putting her to bed in our bed then moving her back when asleep. She's much better at staying in her bed and falling asleep now, I think her communication and understanding have really come on to the point where we can reason with her about it. We never bothered with a stair gate as it's lower than her cot was and she could easily climb out of that. If she wakes in the night she comes straight to us and has never to our knowledge strayed anywhere else.

Has he got a bed guard? That might help with the transition of cot to bed if it's the openness that's a problem.

Does his bedroom door close properly? If it does I'd put the stairgate on the stairs and just go back to the same routine as when he was in the cot and close the bedroom door.

luckily DS has an L shaped room so we have hemmed him in to the toyless end with 2 ikea units and a stair gate inbetween. He has his soft toys of course

I've heard of people putting the door handles on upside down so you know how to open them but toddlers can't work out you need to lift them up?

Ds1 slept in his cot till he was 3 for this very reason.

I don't see there's any difference between using a stairgate or turning the handles upside down and a bolt on the outside of the door. People seem fine with the former and not with the latter though, am I missing an obvious difference?

My ds is same age and we are expecting ds2 next month. We have bought a toddler bed but he'll be staying in his cot for as long as he needs he takes 20-30 mins to fall asleep whilst he does he wiggles around moves all over the cot and finally passes out in all werid positions. We've just moved his bedroom so we are trying to minimise the changes 1 at a time as I think their sleep will always change

Cakescakescakes - I would love to know how you kept a 3 year old in a cot. I don't know if we just have a houdini/future gymnast on our hands but ours was easily getting out of her grobag and vaulting the cot sides at 22 months.

I think the difference for me is that if the house was burning down in the night I know I could lift DD over the stair gate or a firefighter could whereas in the dark and the panic bolts or upside-down handles would be more difficult.
It isn't possible to put a gate on our stairs so DD's room is gated bur she has never actually got out of bed. In the morning she wakes up and plays with the toys in her bed and calls us when she wants to get up. I am dreading the day she works out that she could just get out of bed!

We never had any problem with DS in his cot as he slept in a sleeping bag and never tried to haul himself out of it, however, he broke his cot last week whilst bouncing in it hence the introduction of the toddler bed.

After discussion with DH we have decided to just remove the stair gate so we can shut his bedroom door and put the stair gate across the bathroom entrance.

I'll admit here to being a terrible parent. We used to lock D's into his room when he first went into a bed. He was still in nappies so no reason to get out of bed. When he was asleep we would open the door.
He used to ask us to lock him in. We only did it for a few months till he was used to staying in bed.

Two of my kids were shitbags going to bed at that age, they would be up and down like a yo yo and if just left in bed would just play indefinitely. Even worse now it's lighter - and yes, we used blackout blinds but the kids aren't stupid and could lift them or see through chinks in the door!

I'm sorry I don't have a solution. We do have bolts on the doors but they were to keep the boys out not in and I'm ashamed to say I used them a few times to keep the boys in. I hated it, it was always at the time I was exhausted and frustrated and crying my eyes out as they continued to mess about.

It gets better once they're about 6.

If you had no problems with a cot, I would totally just get it fixed/get a new one and put him back in it! Absolutely no way we would have moved ours into a bed by choice, it's been 6 months of total ball ache.