To think it's okay to playfully insult your children?

[joellevandyne]

Actually, it wasn't even me insulting my children, it was the kids' aunt, but I am 100 percent fine with it.

Scenario: Kids and Auntie (childless) are at the park. Kids are jumping in muddy puddles. Auntie tells them they are "diiiiiss-gusting!" in an over-the-top teasing tone. Two women are passing by and one draws a hissing breath and says to Auntie in a disapproving tone with a disapproving look, "Ooooh... you need to be careful about talking to them like that."

AIBU to think this lady needs to remove the stick from her ass (and her nose from other people's business), or is it really not okay to tease children with whom you have a loving relationship these days?

DH and I do the 'pretty ugly' thing to each other

I fee like I am probably a mean one in all of this compared to others.

Not long ago we were taking photos of stuff and I caught one of my DD1 pulling a face which was totally hilarious. She wanted us to delete it as it was awful but before we did we kept sending it to her randomly or changing the whatsapp group photo to it and then laughing when she got cross. She wasn't really that cross and she trusts us to not actually send it to someone outside of us 3. It was funny. Then she will do something to me to wind me up.

I am exactly like this with my sister, we have a close relationship and we still do it now. I think if you can make it affectionate teasing that's ok.

Also she has big hair and we send her photos of those troll toys with the sticking up hair to wind her up. Or sarcastic meme's taking the pee out of each other.

I think you know your own kids and know their reactions to if it's really upsetting them and is cruel or if it's actually funny - and a bonding thing that you all take part in

My DS1 gets called Bumface all the time. In return, he strokes my chin and tells me he loves my beard.

We don't particularly do it with DS2 as he is far more literal and is likely to take things to heart. It's knowing your child and their sense of humour.

I call my 6yo niece "mad child". It doesn't bother her and it's not said in a MH type of way just when she is silly or funny. If she ever showed or said she was upset with my teasing I would soon stop and find something else to wind her up or tease her with. We do have a laugh and she finds it funny that Auntie is a short arse. The other day we were on the swings and she shouts over "Auntie, you look like a little girl, a little girl holding a handbag". So it works both ways.

I think it's harmless, and will actually more likely benefit a child in the long run. At least they'll have some sassy comebacks when the day inevitably comes.

Some of the examples here eg 'chubs', keeping and sending a photo that a child has asked you to delete and is clearly angry and upset that you didn't, etc = not ok.

The child doing it back or not saying anything doesn't make it ok.

I presume these posters also expect their children to not tease or bully others, to not speak in a demeaning way to their partner when they are adults, to not develop self image issues or an eating disorder, to not distribute photos of others without consent, and so on.

Not an over reaction. What you do as a parent has a big impact, especially when it's repeated.

Silliness, when it's definitely on your child's terms and is sensitive, age appropriate, careful, and loving = ok.

Your situation OP sounds ok from what you've said.

seayounearer Are you my dp? He's got appalling taste in jokes and I have the urge to slap him on a daily basis!

We do lots of silly teasing in this house. DD2 is 10. She will come into my bedroom and fart and then say 'I'll just leave that here for you' before walking out laughing. I shout out 'you minger!' Her nickname is stinkybum.

Teen gives as good as she gets but it's never anything nasty. We mock each other for being short (we are the same height).

I think gentle ribbing, teasing and daft name calling is fine. Just don't say anything that could be upsetting like saying someone is fat.

My only form of communication is sarcasm. My poor kids have got used to it. Even my youngest who has ASD and takes things very literally usually gets the joke.

I always whisper really loudly to one of them "Don't tell anyone but you're my favourite" to mock horror from the rest of them! Or I tell one of my twins they're the ugly one so the other will be insulted as they're identical. They know I don't mean it. And as they're all (except youngest) taller than me now they take great delight in reminding me how short I am (and how old I am!)

I do make up for it by telling them loudly in public that mummy loves her babies.

I think it depends on the child. Sensitive children will be affected much more than others.

I'll always remember my dad taking a photo of me as a preteen that I thought was embarrassing. In retrospect there was nothing really wrong with it, but I had a goofy expression in it and was hideously self-conscious at the time. He decided to stick it up on the mantelpiece and say I couldn't move it because it was his photo. He thought it was harmless teasing, I was utterly humiliated. Another preteen might have seen the funny side, but I really didn't. I'd have taken being called 'disgusting' to heart as well, but my parents would have said things like that in earnest, so it isn't quite the same.

Essentially, depends on the child's temperament and the adult's relationship with them. I don't think it helps to say all teasing is cruel, or that it's all harmless, either.

Yanbu. Nothing wrong woth it. My DS1 has a new nickname practically every day. Today he is smelly bum poo face. He's 7. He calls me names too.
I also call all 3 of them grot bags, gross, manky buggers etc. My 2 year old laughs her head off when I tell her "eeeew you stinky bum" If she farts.

I think it's dine. my nine year old gives as good as she gets and we are always teasing each other.

We do this a lot with ds and he retaliates brilliantly. He has no issues with self esteem so I think we're quite safe! However, bil goes a step too far I think and calls my nephews 'idiot' and 'pussy' which gives me the rage. That's not ok.

I know my children wouldn't do it to others in a mean way and think it is ok because we talk about it all the time. The photo was on my phone and the only person I sent it to was herself. Teens also love some of the dramatic and also pushing boundaries. I would much rather they did that with me to see what's ok/what's not ok than to find out the hard way by getting into some kind of trouble at school or with friends when they aren't really very sure what's ok - they all experiment with that stuff.
Our teasing is just a small part of how we communicate with one another.

If I didn't playfully insult my children we would barely speak to each other. Along with threats of cartoon violence for the smallest thing - "pick that spoon up or I will cut your fingers off and stick them up your nose". Less fun now my 21 year old is getting rather good at it.

Anyone else remember the children's TV show "Ripley and Scuff?" Ripley's favourite phrase, spoken regularly to Scuff was "stop messing about, you silly spoon!" That sort of teasing seems to be the sort that we're talking about here - all fine! If it's the sort of thing you can picture your six-year-old self laughing along with, then it's probably okay for most DC.

I affectionately call DS 'monster', which was the old dogs nickname.

I did get tutted at recently on the supermarket until my 11 year old bowled around the corner like a whirlwind.

I have 3 younger brothers who -bully- tease me no end, we all give as good as we get and as a result nobody outside the family has ever been able to insult me or upsetting me by way of tease.

A bit of harmless teasing among family is one of the benefits of having a family as long as everyone is laughing no ham done.

Ds1 is fine with friendly banter, but ds2 takes it as an actual insult. Really hates to be on a receiving end of a joke.