Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Friend coming to stay with new baby

66 replies

user1464837504 · 02/06/2016 04:49

Quite the dilemma weighing on my mind...have joined mumsnet as I cannot find any other forum for advice!

After moving away over a year ago, I strongly encouraged a good friend and her husband to come and visit us in our new place for a holiday. Its a 4 hour flight away from them. They always said they would try...never did...and have now had their first baby.

My friend recently got in touch, dying to finally take us up on the offer of staying with us for a week, for a holiday with the new baby.

In discussions around dates and logistics I have mentioned the fact that we are not at all set up to cater for a new baby, and asked what she had planned to bring with her, and asked what she might need me to help arrange from my end.
It became apparent she'd not really thought much about it at all. She made vague comments about checking the airline to see if they were allowed extra baggage, and also about contacting places you could hire cots etc. I made vague comments about asking around work to see if there was anything I could borrow. We've not arranged anything further than that.

So, to the point, how much is my responsibility as host? How much is her responsibility as parent of new baby?
Even with my limited knowledge of baby accessories I can at least guess they'll need a pram, car seat, cot, bath tub thing...AIBU to not want to source all this stuff? I certainly can't afford to hire it for her...I don't know anyone to borrow these things from at all as it turns out.

I am really looking forward to the visit, and having the baby stay is of no concern whatsoever. I'm just confused about the etiquette of setting things up for them, and how much effort each of us should be making.

OP posts:

Phineyj · 02/06/2016 07:54

Addressing your OP directly, none of this is your responsibility as host but if friend turns out to be a bit dippy, it could quickly become your problem - especially regarding car seats - check the law where you live. Mumsnetters will have sorted any problems before though, you're in the right place!

mix56 · 02/06/2016 08:06

I'd borrow a travel cot. & tell her to be sure to bring pram/buggy/car seat thing. unless she is hiring a car, then she can hire a child seat. the rest is surmountable.

lalalemon · 02/06/2016 08:08

I have a baby not much older than your friends, I think some peoples suggestions are a bit odd!
No way would I have my daughter sleep in the pushchair overnight, even though it lies completely flat.
Also odd to expect them to co sleep, we never have as we don't think it's safe and we wouldn't get good quality sleep.

Having said that, I'd be providing all my own equipment when travelling with my small! Would be lovely if you could borrow a travel cot though! And a highchair as a child of 6 months should be weaning! :)

Buckinbronco · 02/06/2016 08:08

Travel cot. That's it. No way would I fit a stair gate. A 6 mo doesn't even need it but even so it's ridiculously OTT

lalalemon · 02/06/2016 08:13

Stair gate definitely OTT! We don't have one at home yet! 7mth old not mobile yet. Wouldn't be having one at all either, but our living room is at top of a flight of stairs.

RedToothBrush · 02/06/2016 08:19

Even with my limited knowledge of baby accessories I can at least guess they'll need a pram, car seat, cot, bath tub thing...

Pram - Nope. Up to them how they do it, but by 6 months we carried DS most places or had him in a carrier. Much easier for flying.
Car Seat - Can take on the plane as luggage. Many airlines do this at no extra cost. Or you can hire if you hire a car.
Cot - Nope. DS co-slept
Bath Tub - Nope
Food - If breastfeeding not too much of an issue still at 6months. Will need a few items but not much of a problem. Treat as any other diet issue.
Stair gate - Nope. Not a 6 months. Even an advanced baby is likely to only just be crawling and you can stop them still.
High chair - Nope. DS wouldn't go in one anyway. He was always happier on knee.

Seriously, 6 months is a great age for you as you don't need stuff.

Contrary to popular belief you do not need the kitchen sink. We have travelled using only our basic luggage allowance for infant and us on hand luggage only. (We have done hand luggage only too, but this is not for everyone and was difficult).

The biggest issue I've found is packing enough nappies with space restrictions. But then they sell pampers everywhere so we could buy (and have chosen not to as it takes time out of holiday).

If you could buy one thing that would make my life easier, it would have been the right size and type of nappy. Everything else is honestly not needed and you can cope without for a week. I think a lot of parents would benefit from the experience. Its liberating.

Thatrabbittrickedme · 02/06/2016 08:25

You can usually transport a travel cot on the plane free of charge along with the pram and car seat. We lived abroad when DC were born and travelled a lot with all three items. Most travel costs pack up into a bag fir this very purpose. It's a pain lugging the cot around though so if you can borrow one it will be easier for your friend to get to and from airport.

Babies are very portable and require very little in the way of paraphernalia to be perfectly happy . It's when they hit 18months that they become more tricky for a while....

Thatrabbittrickedme · 02/06/2016 08:26

X post with red. Yy to sourcing the nappies for friend - they can take up half the suitcase for a 2 week trip

lalalemon · 02/06/2016 08:31

Red toothbrush.... That's YOUR child though..... I think you'll find they're all different!

My little girl is 7 months so marginally older than the kid in question, she HATES bring in the carrier because she's a nosey bugger, and can't seen anything that's going on. So definitely need a pushchair.

As I've already said we don't co sleep as its not for us so we'd definitely need a cot.

She's not breastfed and she weaned at 5.5mths as she was super hungry wanting a bottle ever 1.5 hrs, she now eats exactly what we eat though, so also not much of an issue, but would definitely need a highchair as she likes to feed herself.

She generally has a shower with Daddy as its much quicker and I'd take enough nappies for the journey and buy more once we got there. It's not like buying nappies is a big chore!

OP speak to your friend and see what she'd like help with, I'd be happy to provide a cot and highchair, I'd find someone to borrow off for the duration of the stay. You could ask on local fb selling pages if someone would be willing to lend you a travel cot and highchair!

GirlOutNumbered · 02/06/2016 08:38

Can I just say you are lovely for trying to sort this out.

I have traveled alot with the kids and have never expected anyone to provide or sort stuff for me. At 6 months, the parents will be great at knowing what works for them, I hope they are grateful for your offer!

RedToothBrush · 02/06/2016 08:41

Red toothbrush.... That's YOUR child though..... I think you'll find they're all different!

Oh yes I agree.

I do however question how much of the stuff is for the child and how much of the stuff is a security blanket for parents. I do think a lot of things are designed for the parents not the child and are actually more of a chain rather than a sanity saver.

Funny how by the time number two comes along, parents suddenly don't need all the stuff they had for number one.

The reality is there is a certain amount of preciousness and if you do take stuff away and parents will cope better than they think.

Hodooooooooor · 02/06/2016 08:42

I don't think you really are looking forward to this visit, or you wouldn't be going on about how vague your friend is and intimating that they aren't bothering to work out what they might need.
Isn't it rather likely that they know what they will need, due to the fact that they can provide for their own baby? Why not assume that if they need anything from you, they will ask for it, otherwise they will bring whatever they need?

I can't imagine for a minute why you would think you would have to hire them a pram or a car seat, do you think they don't have a pram etc?

BirdInTheRoom · 02/06/2016 08:44

If you can't borrow a travel cot they can bring one with them. Airlines usually allow two pieces of baby equipment free - but the pushchair & car seat would take up this allowance so they would probably need to pay a small fee to bring anything extra like a travel cot.

NicknameUsed · 02/06/2016 08:46

It's all very well telling the friend to co-sleep with her baby. I tried it with DD and didn't get a wink of sleep, so always she slept in a cot. I did "co-sleep" with her on occasions when she was older and unwell, but again I got no sleep as she was such a fidget.

Buckinbronco · 02/06/2016 08:47

Also OP your post is very sweet but were you seriously considering obtaining a Pram and car seat for your friends baby? By car seat cost £200. My Pram £900. Now you don't need to spend anything like that amount but seriously, why would you even consider spending 10% of it on a visit from a friend?

Hodooooooooor · 02/06/2016 08:50

Nobody said tell her to co-sleep. But if she doesn't co-sleep, the woman will know she needs to organise a bed.
The assumption that these parents (well lets face it, the female one) are idiots that wouldn't think that their own baby might need somewhere to sleep is irritating.

AliensInUnderpants12 · 02/06/2016 08:56

Personally I would ask if they needed a travel cot and a highchair and then see if you can borrow these from friends or buy cheap ones. I would also buy some sheets for the cot and I would check with your friends if they are bringing blankets/sleeping bags for the baby.

I wouldn't leave the pram/pushchair and car seat for your friends to sort out, they can bring these on the plane.

If you're feeling generous possibly even get some cheap toys, balls, stacking cups, building bricks.

SoupDragon · 02/06/2016 08:57

I think that the only thing you need to source is a cot. You can feed a baby in a push chair (which I would expect them to bring along with a car seat) and a 6 month old baby can be bathed in a sink.

IslaSinga · 02/06/2016 09:02

Can your friend bring a travel cot, or you could find one here?

You might find a high chair useful (but not essential) - ikea antelope one is cheap.

Look on eBay or gumtree for cheap ones.

Your friend will bring a pushchair, I would imagine. Apart from that, nothing much more is required aside from clothes, nappies and food (which your friend will bring)

OhIfIMust · 02/06/2016 09:32

You are such a nice friend to be worrying about this. It's completely your friend's responsibility to get what her baby needs sorted. If you can source a travel cot that would be useful - it's heavy to carry on the plane and not all babies are happy to co-sleep. As you said earlier OP, if you open the conversation about your luck (or not) getting a cot sorted, then I'm sure your friend will reassure you about how she's sorting everything else and will be super grateful for you even thinking about a travel cot for her!

Janecc · 02/06/2016 09:37

lalalemon. DD had a bugaboo. From memory, this is designed to be used for night time sleeping if required although we didn't use it for that. So it is worth asking.

Hodoooooor "I don't think you really are looking forward to this visit". Noooo of course not, ops been looking forward to her good friend visiting for years..

CheesyWeez · 02/06/2016 09:37

If you ask at work you may find yourself buried in a ton of baby stuff, people have loads they are dying to lend you for a week, in my experience. I left a note in my neighbours' mailboxes for a loan of travel cot last year and ended up with offers of 2 travel cots, 2 prams and 3 high chairs... some of them didn't want the stuff back afterwards. You will be able to borrow it all I'm sure. There may be a local mothers' group you could contact too.

Marmighty · 02/06/2016 09:38

I would never expect friends to provide anything, and we stayed with a lot of friends with DC between 6 and 18 mths. That said, if there was a cot and a high chair it made life much easier and I was incredibly grateful that friends had thought of this. But would have been happy to pay - see if you can borrow from neighbours.

witsender · 02/06/2016 09:39

I would have just brought a car seat and a sling at that age, plus clothes, nappies etc. Maybe she is the same and doesn't need that much?

coconutpie · 02/06/2016 11:56

OP, none of this is your responsibility - I wouldn't be sourcing high chairs / travel cot / buggy / nappies etc. Why should you be so out of pocket for buying / renting these items. As a parent there is no way I'd think my friend should be sourcing pieces of furniture for my DC.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread