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AIBU?

Ex-ha gf posting pics of dd on Instagram

68 replies

Unpropergrammer · 01/06/2016 22:49

Just got into a fight with ex-h. He's been seeing a woman for nine months, she's in her early twenties and we are both in our thirties. I think this is her first serious relationship.

Me and ex haven't finalised divorced yet and only split a year and a half ago.

Anyway for the past four months, the gf has obsessively posted pictures of dd(4) on Instagram and social media. To the point where she's posting more pics of dd than I am. I have tried to politely talk about this with ex but he is insistent he's given permission so it's fine. I feel really uncomfortable about it.

Anyways she posted one yesterday of them at the park together, her arms around dd and one of her friends commented 'she's so lucky to have a step mum like you' and gf replied 'thanks :)'

Am I wrong to be so angry? She's been in my dd's life four months, and not even been with my ex that long and yet she's allowing herself to be referred to as step mum and posting constant photos of my dd.

OP posts:

Report

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2016 23:35

There's no difference to your child, who is having her images put on the internet by other people.

That's what it boils down to. Once you post a pic on the internet, you can kiss it goodbye.

If you're happy with that and your ex is happy with that, I can't see a difference here.

TheNaze73 · 01/06/2016 23:36

I think it must be hard for you however, the only thing you should do is block her in social media, if it's upsetting you. Technically, she's doing nothing wrong but, I don't think YABU in the slightest. You can't argue a feeling as they say.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/06/2016 23:39

Irrelevant really. Her partner (the child's dad) has still given permission.

pieceofpurplesky · 01/06/2016 23:39

I would insist that if she is posting pictures of your child her Instagram is set to private. I would get that in the divorce settlement - exh and I made this agreement when we were together as we didn't want anyone seeing pictures. Common sense

Numberoneisgone · 01/06/2016 23:40

I think you are totally in the right but there is nothing you can do. I think blocking her is for the best and then you can maintain your amicable relationship for the sake of your child.

Looking at the pictures will just make you angry and angrier.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2016 23:41

What kind of divorce settlement involves telling a 3rd party, what they can and can't do with the images they own?

fastdaytears · 01/06/2016 23:47

piece if you and your ex agreed that then fine. You can agree anything. But the court will never order it and OP's ex thinks that this is fine, so getting an agreement won't work. Plus the OP wants to be able to post pictures herself.

fastdaytears · 01/06/2016 23:47

Worra a totally unenforceable one...

pieceofpurplesky · 01/06/2016 23:52

Fast the OP states her own account is private therefore the girlfriend
Should comply.

SemiNormal · 01/06/2016 23:52

Completely disrespectful IMO! So if she had asked for one parents permission then why not ask for the other parents? She obviously agrees that parental permission is something she should seek and the child does have two parents so why not ask? I find this kind of thing really inconsiderate. It's completely different to OP putting pictures up, it's HER child, this woman may not be in said childs life forever and what then? she still keeps all the pictures of a child who is nothing to do with her on her social media accounts? It's weird AF!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/06/2016 23:56

Divorce settlements can now bar third parties from posting pictures?! No wonder the police forces are fucked if they're dealing with this shit.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2016 23:57

She doesn't need to ask the permission of both parents, if one is fine with it imo.

And it's not completely different to the OP putting photos up because it's 'HER' child.

It's also 'HIS' child and he is ok with it.

Unlike the ACTUAL child, who one day might not be and ends up wishing all the adults in her life, would stop putting her bloody images out there for all to gawp at.

pieceofpurplesky · 02/06/2016 00:00

Also there is movement towards changes in the law. Parental permission is becoming more the norm. In other countries and some
States in America it is illegal (there is something in the news about France at the moment). I recall a couple of cases in the UK too.
At school we would not dare publish a photo without permission from all those with PR / why should this woman?
A divorce can include any information

SemiNormal · 02/06/2016 00:01

WorraLiberty she might not need it but if she had any consideration then she'd have asked for it surely?!

My ex partners new child and our son were playing together and both us mums took photographs of them playing together, I asked her permission to put them on Facebook, she asked my permission to have copies printed - it's really not that difficult to just ask.

pieceofpurplesky · 02/06/2016 00:02

Er Paul where did I say that? Ridiculous reading between the lines. I said I would get something in the divorce to say that third parties should not be posting in Facebook. Both parents should agree about this.

Unpropergrammer · 02/06/2016 00:04

I just wish ex-h would be more respectful really. If I had a new fella I wouldn't let him post pics of dd if ex didn't want him too.

OP posts:

pieceofpurplesky · 02/06/2016 00:05

I think it is terrible OP

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2016 00:08

Semi, I can't see the GF seeking her partner's ex's permission if she doesn't need to...due to the fact it's probably all a bit awkward.

Maybe in time, if the OP and the GF give each other a fair chance, they might get to know each other and form a better relationship.

But for now, I don't think she's doing anything wrong as she has his permission.

SemiNormal · 02/06/2016 00:15

It's only awkward if she makes it so. She could have asked him and then said would you ask OP too as I wouldn't want to tread on anyones toes. Surely that's what any reasonable person would do?

When my son was playing with exes newest daughter she came over to me with outstretched arms, I asked her mum if it was okay for me to pick her up - wasn't awkward at all but I just wanted to be sure she was comfortable with it. Ex also has a child from a previous relationship and that daughter wanted to give me kisses the other day, again I checked with this daughters mum too. I guess I'm lucky that I'm in a situation where all 3 of us who have children with him can get along so the children can spend time together but maybe the reason we're in this position is because we're respectful to each other.

Kimononono · 02/06/2016 00:19

Yeah that would annoy me too. It all seems a bit fake when people are constantly posting on social media about how fantastic their day has been or what an amazing person they are.

How does your dd get on with her in RL away from the selfies?

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2016 00:22

Semi that's a bit different to posting images of someone else online. Someone whose parents have already, and continue to post images of online because they have no problem with it.

The only problem the OP has with this whole situation, is that the latest person to post images is her ex's girlfriend.

The girlfriend who the OP admits she shouldn't be looking up on social media, but she's lonely at weekends.

That is enough to tell me that as soon as the OP finds something else to do with her time, this won't really be a problem.

And if it is, it's not really the GF's problem as harsh as that sounds.

CoolforKittyCats · 02/06/2016 00:25

I said I would get something in the divorce to say that third parties should not be posting in Facebook. Both parents should agree about this.

Both parents don't agree about it.

If you are going to put every minute detail into a consent order they will end up looking like war and peace.

Impractical.

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Unpropergrammer · 02/06/2016 00:27

i think dd likes her though is a little confused about who she is in relation to me and daddy. I guess that's usual for 4 and I've tried to explain it best I can, not sure ex is having those conversations with her.

She comes home regularly with little gifts from gf, nothing fancy just little Nick nacks really.

OP posts:

Iknownuffink · 02/06/2016 00:29

@Fast. The other g/parents also comply.

A GF has no right to post images of another person's children.

Idiot dad is just that, AN IDIOT.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2016 00:33

That's quite sweet OP, even though I do get that it might feel a bit odd at this early stage.

Interestingly enough, communications got quite bad at one time between me and my ex, and the only thing that made me feel 'secure' about sending the kids off to stay with him, was the fact I knew his GF would do a much better job of looking after them emotionally than he would.

I could never have guessed that at the start of their relationship though. They split up about 13 years ago and I'm still good friends with her now, so it's funny how things can turn out.

Re the poster talking about 3rd parties not posting pics on FB without permission...that's totally and completely unworkable as the owner of the image can do what they want regardless.

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