Ex-ha gf posting pics of dd on Instagram

[Unpropergrammer]

Just got into a fight with ex-h. He's been seeing a woman for nine months, she's in her early twenties and we are both in our thirties. I think this is her first serious relationship.

Me and ex haven't finalised divorced yet and only split a year and a half ago.

Anyway for the past four months, the gf has obsessively posted pictures of dd(4) on Instagram and social media. To the point where she's posting more pics of dd than I am. I have tried to politely talk about this with ex but he is insistent he's given permission so it's fine. I feel really uncomfortable about it.

Anyways she posted one yesterday of them at the park together, her arms around dd and one of her friends commented 'she's so lucky to have a step mum like you' and gf replied 'thanks :)'

Am I wrong to be so angry? She's been in my dd's life four months, and not even been with my ex that long and yet she's allowing herself to be referred to as step mum and posting constant photos of my dd.

[whiteonesugar]

Having been on the other side of this I think it's probably fairly innocent.

I was the 'new gf' almost 9 years ago. If I posted a pic of myself and DSD or DSS I always checked with their dad, because he was the link between the two of us. It wouldn't have occurred to me to separately contact their DM and ask her too.

The 'step mum' comments come whether you invite them or not, I was being referred to as step mum, by other people AND the DSCs looooong before we got married and it was official. It made me feel weird at first but if I had jumped in and said 'I'm not a step mum' it may have felt like a rejection to the DSCs. It's a tricky line to toe sometimes!

I'm sorry it's made you feel uncomfortable, but I am sure it's not meant to offend or make you feel bad. That said, if its really, really bothering you, your ex-h should respect that and i'm sure his gf would too.

[waterrat]

Could you wait till things cool down between you and your ex and ask him if she can change her privacy settings ?

I would hate this too but perhaps you can reduce the privacy risk if not stop her posting entirely. It must be horrible to see but at least she likes your daughter.

[fastdaytears]

A school is totally different.

The OP has no leg to stand on here and is making herself feel worse by worrying about this.

[pieceofpurplesky]

Bran but if one parent said no we wouldn't be able to post photos

[branofthemist]

I can totally see why this is bothering you. And I don't post photos of other people's children, so do agree she should have asked.

But she asked one parent. And that's enough. She doesn't need both.

At school we would not dare publish a photo without permission from all those with PR / why should this woman?

I have never heard of a school that insists both parents sign permission slips. Permission from one parent is usually enough. The GF has one parents permission.

[NeeNahh]

If a friend asked you if they could put pictures of your daughter on Facebook and you said yes would you expect them to contact your ex and ask him too. If not yabu.

However, I can see why it annoys you. Not much you can do about it though. I suggest you block her. At least the gf is taking an interest in your daughter. It would be much worse for all concerned if she was unkind to her or resented her.

[byjimminey]

She sounds very silly and you have every right to be annoyed. I think I would struggle to keep quiet over the comment. Why would be friend call her a great step mum unless she has been making hints herself. And after 4 months??? Pah. I think she likes playing grown ups. Im angry on your behalf.

[LaBelleOtero]

I would try to appreciate that she enjoys your dd's company. Once an ex moves on that's what you want ultimately. And Instagram is like FB, it's a heavily edited view of life. And people who don't have much going on always rely on pics of cute kids or animals for content...

Don't bring it up. It will just create drama.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

It must have hurt to see it - that's why you need to stop looking at what she posts, anywhere.

If you and your ex post photos on social media then her image is out there and it really doesn't matter who else does it.

Her FRIEND said step-mum, she didn't. She just said 'thanks' it's all you can do without looking like a prat.

Does your ex refer to her as your DD's step-mum or 'Her name' or something else? (When talking to DD).

Your DD & his girlfriend get on, that's what really matters, not the photos and not even how long they'll be together. She has her Dad and she has you, even if she gets attached to his gf and they split up it won't be the end of the world, she might be a bit upset, but she'll get over it.

Each to their own & all that, but I think 'family days out' really confuse children. Birthdays & Christmas are a bit different as you can explain both wanting to share that special day with the child, but trips out to the zoo or whatever, not so much. Children generally want their parents to be together & all be a family - doing it sometimes makes them think there's a chance to achieve that if they are 'good enough', or if they can put off others who might stop that. It's so much easier for them to accept that you are not going to be doing that if you don't play at 'happy families'. Plus it'll help you to come to terms with the relationship being over as well. You still sound very attached to him and quite possessive - not as though you have moved on 💐 Don't make it harder on yourself.

[EatsShitAndLeaves]

I don't think anyone is saying the GF - whatever the age is acting appropriately.

Or that the OP should not be hacked off...

...but entering into a pissing contest about this - in whatever form isn't the way to go.

Most people see this sort of shit for what it is - trying too hard for reasons of self indulgence.

Indifference is a very powerful response....

[Iknownuffink]

Her age is nothing to do with it.

The GF is posting pics of children who she is NOT related to. She is seeking approval from random strangers and pretending to be a parent.

OP has every reason to be angry.

The GF's age has absolutely nothing to do with the disrespect she has shown the OP and her children.

[Biglettuce]

YANBU - but sadly there is nothing you can do.

I am a step mum, my step kids are friends on FB, I am well aware that if I put up loads of pics of me and my step kids with our arms around each other ExW would be livid. So I don't, even though she is absolutely awful to me!

My ExH has a younger GF and she posts pics of my sons as a 'Happy Family', arms around each other, lots of comments from her family 'a www soo lovely' and she puts lots of hugs and kisses to 'her favorite boys'...
... Which does make me want to VOMIT! Esp as she treats the boys like cute toys rather than children. But unfortunately I also cannot do anything except block her - it just comes up through a couple of mutual friends sometimes.

The only thing that helps is getting out there and getting selfish i.e. Actually having a life of our own outside of being a mother too. Get out there OP!

[EatsShitAndLeaves]

Agree - it's immaturity. Hard as it is - let it go.

As they saying goes "this to will pass".

[Kimononono]

Just seen, nine months.

Ignore her - it looks like she is immaturely asserting he status.

[Kimononono]

She sounds young. A normal mature person wouldn't be doing this shit. It's all for show and now she will know she has got a reaction and he is sticking up for her.

Leave it be .. For now. Don't react, let things calm down and get back on even keel with arse wipe ex. I wouldn't be inviting her on any family outings though. If your ex wants to spend time with her he can do that in his own private time. It could set a president of her having to be there everytime

How long have they been together?

[pieceofpurplesky]

Yes but worra if the gf was a decent person she would be thinking that the mother may not be happy and would have asked her. Regardless of where th op is in her life the gf should not be doing it - and again the op stated her own account is private so only friends and family can see images / the gfs is open

[Unpropergrammer]

I wish I knew her a bit better really. She is very young and the most contact I've had with her is her being there when ex picked dd up or I dropped off. I don't think she'll ever be the kind of person I'm overly fond of (I think we are very different people)

I might suggest doing a family day and seeing if ex will invite her along. Will probably leave it a few days as argument between me and ex got a bit nasty.

[Kimononono]

A GF has no right to post images of another person's children

Have you said this to your ex?

The novelty will soon wear off. She sounds irritating, do you think she knows your looking at them?

[WorraLiberty]

That's quite sweet OP, even though I do get that it might feel a bit odd at this early stage.

Interestingly enough, communications got quite bad at one time between me and my ex, and the only thing that made me feel 'secure' about sending the kids off to stay with him, was the fact I knew his GF would do a much better job of looking after them emotionally than he would.

I could never have guessed that at the start of their relationship though. They split up about 13 years ago and I'm still good friends with her now, so it's funny how things can turn out.

Re the poster talking about 3rd parties not posting pics on FB without permission...that's totally and completely unworkable as the owner of the image can do what they want regardless.

[Iknownuffink]

@Fast. The other g/parents also comply.

A GF has no right to post images of another person's children.

Idiot dad is just that, AN IDIOT.

[Unpropergrammer]

i think dd likes her though is a little confused about who she is in relation to me and daddy. I guess that's usual for 4 and I've tried to explain it best I can, not sure ex is having those conversations with her.

She comes home regularly with little gifts from gf, nothing fancy just little Nick nacks really.

[CoolforKittyCats]

I said I would get something in the divorce to say that third parties should not be posting in Facebook. Both parents should agree about this.

Both parents don't agree about it.

If you are going to put every minute detail into a consent order they will end up looking like war and peace.

Impractical.

[WorraLiberty]

Semi that's a bit different to posting images of someone else online. Someone whose parents have already, and continue to post images of online because they have no problem with it.

The only problem the OP has with this whole situation, is that the latest person to post images is her ex's girlfriend.

The girlfriend who the OP admits she shouldn't be looking up on social media, but she's lonely at weekends.

That is enough to tell me that as soon as the OP finds something else to do with her time, this won't really be a problem.

And if it is, it's not really the GF's problem as harsh as that sounds.

[Kimononono]

Yeah that would annoy me too. It all seems a bit fake when people are constantly posting on social media about how fantastic their day has been or what an amazing person they are.

How does your dd get on with her in RL away from the selfies?

[SemiNormal]

It's only awkward if she makes it so. She could have asked him and then said would you ask OP too as I wouldn't want to tread on anyones toes. Surely that's what any reasonable person would do?

When my son was playing with exes newest daughter she came over to me with outstretched arms, I asked her mum if it was okay for me to pick her up - wasn't awkward at all but I just wanted to be sure she was comfortable with it. Ex also has a child from a previous relationship and that daughter wanted to give me kisses the other day, again I checked with this daughters mum too. I guess I'm lucky that I'm in a situation where all 3 of us who have children with him can get along so the children can spend time together but maybe the reason we're in this position is because we're respectful to each other.