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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a first dance at wedding

59 replies

QueenPenguin · 01/06/2016 10:25

Opinions please!
I am not keen on the idea, only having a small wedding, not much of a dancer and not one for anything soppy. DH2B would quite like to and has been making suggestions of songs but nothing seems very 'me' or 'us'.
Has anyone else skipped this tradition?

OP posts:
DefinitelyNotAJourno · 01/06/2016 10:32

I'm a terrible dancer, and could not imagine anything more humiliating than a first dance. Hell, I wouldn't even wish to dance at my wedding with others.

We've been together ten years and still haven't got round to a wedding. I'm actually not pushing it because I don't want a reception at all. A meal and pub would be fine, but I'd hate to ruin his big day because I'm a missery, hence putting it off.

Seeline · 01/06/2016 10:34

We cheated and had a barn dance for our reception, so our 'first dance' was basically done with the best man, bridesmaids etc to make up a 'set' , so we weren't all on our own.

Katisha · 01/06/2016 10:35

No way. And I've never been to a wedding where anyone did it.

x2boys · 01/06/2016 10:38

I only had a very small wedding 25guests we just had a sit down meal.no evening receptionir first dance I hated the thought if all attention being on me.

MargaretCabbage · 01/06/2016 10:39

We didn't have one. The thought of awkwardly swaying while everyone watched was was not appealing! We had a giant balloon filled with balloons and confetti in the middle of the dance floor to pop, and then the DJ just started the disco. I don't think anyone really noticed we didn't do a first dance.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 01/06/2016 10:40

We didn't have one, didn't cross my mind. We all danced but not an official first dance.

neolara · 01/06/2016 10:42

We weren't keep. At the reception my dh took several of his friends aside, asked them to give us a minute at most, and then join us on the dance floor with their partners. They took their roles very seriously and did exactly that. Was a good comprise.

PrivatePike · 01/06/2016 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivatePike · 01/06/2016 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eigg · 01/06/2016 10:53

I've never been to a wedding without a first dance.

But then I'm in Scotland so perhaps people are more used to formal dances at ceilidhs?

It's your wedding so of course you don't have to have one if you don't want to.

It doesn't have to be special music btw we just had a waltz played.

sassytheFIRST · 01/06/2016 10:54

We tried it avoid it by me going to get changed at 8pm. But the band wouldn't start without us and we ended up having one anyway! Couldn't tell you why the song was as the band chose it.

MrsMushrooms · 01/06/2016 10:55

We had the DJ ask our parents and then the bridesmaids & groomsmen to join us after about 30 seconds (they were already aware they'd be joining in!) which meant it was still our dance but not for the whole song. Half way through he got everyone to join in

mininionsteve · 01/06/2016 10:55

We didn't have one either. My husband didn't want to and I'm of the opinion that no one really wants to stand there watching two people awkwardly swaying for 3 minutes.

Rafflesway · 01/06/2016 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckySantangelo1 · 01/06/2016 10:57

We didn't have one. I think they are naff so we skipped it! We also didn't make a big thing of cutting the cake. Didn't do morning suits etc. You can totally pick and choose what makes you happy.

Nuttypops · 01/06/2016 10:57

We had a ceilidh for our wedding, which meant we chose a group dance for our first dance so parents, bridesmaids etc joined in. Much easier!

Don't feel you have to do one, your wedding should be what you want and traditions like that are made to be broken if you don't like them.

PrivatePike · 01/06/2016 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 01/06/2016 11:02

I know there's a trend for an actual choreographed dances but it's more usual for the couple to just stand in each other's arms and sway a bit which isn't too big a deal.

bananafish81 · 01/06/2016 11:07

We decided that rather than try to do a proper first dance we would roll with the fact that neither of us can dance for toffee. One of our favourite singer songwriters has a whole song all about not being able to dance (lyrics include 'I execute the moonwalk like I stepped in shit, someone called the nurse thought I was having a fit') - so we just went for it being silly and had a great time and didn't take it seriously and everyone bloody loved it.

Also remember the first dance doesn't actually have to be the first dance. We waited till after the music had been going for a bit and evening guests had arrived and we were sufficiently lubricated with enough drink to have the courage to go for it

It's your wedding so you can do what the hell you like. Whatever you do - enjoy your day!

jo2107 · 01/06/2016 11:09

We skipped it, i hated the idea of everyone watching, neither of us can dance so we just asked the DJ at the start to say there is no first dance so everyone on the dance floor when they feel like it, the kids were there in seconds :-)

nobilityobliges · 01/06/2016 11:09

I'd say it's about 50/50 in weddings I've been to whether there's been a formal first dance. It's definitely not "the norm" or something - no one will think it's strange if you don't.

Original poster
QueenPenguin · 01/06/2016 11:10

Thank you all!
There will only be 15-18 people in total, us included, so would feel pretty awkward and I want it to be as relaxed as possible. It will essentially be one big holiday.
PrivatePike no dancing at all sounds acceptable to me! But I have no doubt my mum will start at some point after lots of Wine Blush

OP posts:
HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 01/06/2016 11:10

YANBU, but I want one myself, and I like watching others do that awkward shuffling thing to Wind Beneath My Wings at their weddings. Less keen on the choreographed stuff - I much prefer schmaltz.

AddictedToCoYo · 01/06/2016 11:11

Don't have one then, it's not obligatory and if it's a small wedding nobody will even notice.

jo2107 · 01/06/2016 11:11

We also did a giant exploding balloon that rained glitter and smaller balloons, so had everyone one the dance floor for that instead, made for great photos

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