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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want a first dance at wedding

59 replies

QueenPenguin · 01/06/2016 10:25

Opinions please!
I am not keen on the idea, only having a small wedding, not much of a dancer and not one for anything soppy. DH2B would quite like to and has been making suggestions of songs but nothing seems very 'me' or 'us'.
Has anyone else skipped this tradition?

OP posts:

LizzieMacQueen · 01/06/2016 11:13

Do the hokey cokey.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 01/06/2016 11:14

We didn't have any dancing at all.

It was fantastic. Also small wedding.

houseeveryweekend · 01/06/2016 11:17

We arent having a first dance we arent even having any music!! Just a buffet in a pub. We spent all the money on a beautiful ceremony in a national trust venue... and flowers lol. Its your wedding! Do whatever makes you happy! Weve got a hundred guests coming ad some from other countries but i havent arranged a sit down meal or dancing or anything just because its not what we want (our wedding is late afternoon so we can get away with no sit down meal just buffet) Some very traditional older people might grumble a bit but honestly its not about them is it!! xxx

JapanNextYear · 01/06/2016 11:27

I really didn't want one, 80 guests at a fairly relaxed wedding (no swagging or top table or table decorations).

But, DH really wanted to have a first dance, to a really soppy song. I would have v happily not have done it - but it made him happy. It was a bit embarrassing but not really.

MissHooliesCardigan · 01/06/2016 11:29

We didn't have one as I found the whole idea completely mortifying although we did briefly toy with the idea of doing a first dance to One Step Beyond by Madness.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 01/06/2016 11:30

house I went to a similar wedding years ago, and whilst it was ok for those of us who lived just down the road, people who had travelled hundreds of miles looked a bit put out.

It wasn't so much the lack of a three course dinner, but the lack of any food beyond sausage rolls and sandwiches. There wasn't enough to eat and there weren't enough chairs - it was a real shame. I went to another wedding with the same set up and it was fine - the buffet was massive (and everyone had somewhere to sit!).

Kittykatmacbill · 01/06/2016 11:33

Yanbu. I hated our first dance, I not a dancer, if I could go back in time I wouldn't do it.

Luciferbox · 01/06/2016 11:37

We didn't have a first dance. We both hate discos so didn't have one. Our first dance as a married couple happened weeks later in our kitchen listening to the radio.

KC225 · 01/06/2016 11:42

I went to a wedding, bride was English and groom was Indian (trust me it's relevant). Wedding had touches from both sides, food, decorations etc. All great. When it came to the first dance the DJ called for all the males to join the groom on the dancefloor. I was fascinated, thinking it was a piece of Indian tradition I would never normally get to see. Suddenly, the intro for KUNG FU FIGHTING starts. ALL males, kids, young, old and definitely should know better start doing kung FU moves/dancing. Turns out it was a groom and mates thing but the bride didn't want a first dance. It was great fun, an I've breaker and with half the room on the floor anyway, DJ called everyone else to join them.

Just an idea

HostaFireandIce · 01/06/2016 11:45

We had no dancing at all, nor indeed a dance floor (reception in a pub). I hate dancing (and being the centre of attention!)

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 01/06/2016 11:46

We had no dancing at all, it was brilliant, neither of us likes discos, ceilidhs etc and wanted everyone to be able to mix and mingle without being marooned round the edges of a noisy dancefloor. We had a jazz quarted playing in a corner for background music, a big bar area opening off the function room where the evening buffet was with pool, darts, giant jenga etc and a terrace for outdoor space, it was a lovely evening.

lullaby23 · 01/06/2016 11:46

Neither me nor DH like or enjoy dancing (ahem sober) so we just asked the DJ to go straight to the disco as it were. No regrets it was the best decision for us and sounds like you too!

TheCladdagh · 01/06/2016 11:47

Of course yanbu. They're as arse-clenchingly naff as those big bow chair covers or the whole wedding party having spent weeks practising a specially-choreographed version of Thriller/Baby Got Back/the last dance from Dirty Dancing.

Anyway, they're no more a 'tradition' than Great-Auntie Lil doing the Birdie Dance or the 'fnar fnar' bits in best man speeches. More an unfortunate event that often happens at weddings.

Porcupinetree · 01/06/2016 11:51

Don't have one then!
My husband and I didn't.

DerelictMyBalls · 01/06/2016 11:53

YANBU. Unless you have choreographed your first dance for YouTube , most people waddle awkwardly to Boyzone and look a fright.

cozietoesie · 01/06/2016 11:55

The traditional weddings I've been to have had The Grand Dance at the beginning. It breaks up into individual dancing afterwards but everyone and their auntie can be involved in the first.

The nearest I could find to it is the dance from the movie Fort Apache.

fedupofpeppa · 01/06/2016 11:58

We didn't have one as neither of us like dancing. One word of warning though, took a while for people to start dancing who wanted to as they thought it was bad manners to dance before the bride and groom. When I realised I started dancing with my bridesmaid and some mates so other people were okay to join. Maybe let people know there is no first dance and so to crack on if they want to dance.

daydreamnation · 01/06/2016 12:00

Every wedding I've ever been to, big or small, fancy or budget, I have found the first dance a toe curling, painful thing to watch! I know I'm not alone, you only have to look at other guests to confirm this, normally a mixture of fixed, slightly pained smiles or a sudden urgent to look at phones/check bags/tend to kids etc
We had no first dance at our wedding and it was a relaxed, fun and embarrassment free day for all hopefully!

daydreamnation · 01/06/2016 12:01

'urgent need'

TheNaze73 · 01/06/2016 12:25

You do exactly what you like. There's so much crap spouted about tradition, which people pick & choose when it suits them. Your wedding, your call

Lottapianos · 01/06/2016 12:31

'Every wedding I've ever been to, big or small, fancy or budget, I have found the first dance a toe curling, painful thing to watch! '

Ditto. Its absolute cringe. Do what you fancy OP

Eigg · 01/06/2016 12:34

Aww, I love watching the first dance.

It's not difficult to get a few lessons - we looked brilliant doing our first dance we got a big cheer.

whatdoIget · 01/06/2016 12:38

I expect to never get married but if I did there would be no way on Earth that I would want to have a first dance. Just awful (imo that is, but each to their own of course!)

CarpeJugulum · 01/06/2016 12:39

I didn't want a dance either - so we (as helpfully I'm Scottish and we got married there) had a Grand March which is basically wandering up and down in a line and grabbing all and sundry en route so everyone is on the floor. It worked brilliantly.

During the disco section, it actually worked out that our first "dance" was holding hands and jumping up and down to The Proclaimers 500 Miles like the moshers we were. A very happy memory.

cozietoesie · 01/06/2016 12:46

Ah. The Grand March - that's the right title.

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