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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at brother/brothers gf

70 replies

cjt110 · 01/06/2016 08:37

I get up this morning to a message from brothers girlfriend. "We're at a wedding 18th June. DB has been asked to look after your parents dog so would you be able to look after it as we are day and night guests"

Background. We are all (me, DH, DM, DF and DS) going away on 15th June for a weeks holiday together. This was booked in Jan/Feb time but not before my parents had asked could my brother house/dog sit for the week.

Brother's girlfriend has in the past done things we aren't sure were a bit devious. For example, she asked DB could they have a baby and get a flat together. He said he wasn't ready and didnt want to. Lo and behold a few months later she is pregnant and insisting they move in together (Yes, he's just as much responsible for the pregnancy).

I replied with No as we're all away together and DB knows that. I will speak to my parents as it's been planned for months on the basis he could dog sit.

She replied that it was fine he would just not be able to go. I said I didnt understand why this had cropped up now as he knew full well that we were all away together. She said don't worry its fine.

Am really pissed off that either he is reneging on his plans, or she is shit stirring behind his back. I havent told my parents or DH about the messages yet as I feel it'll cause stress but at the same time, my parents ought to know and be having a conversation with my brother that he is really going to do this and not let us all down.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 01/06/2016 10:15

Not sure why you are taking this out on your brother's gf. She's the one trying to sort out the mess. And she seems to have taken no for an answer, in good spirit.

How or why she became pregnant is none of your concern. But how very dare she want to move in with the father of her child Hmm.

Sounds like the problem is between you and your brother and she is caught in the middle.

Brightnorthernlights · 01/06/2016 10:18

I agree with onlyicanclean10, it does sound as if you are looking for reasons to get annoyed with gf, you sound like you don't like her at all.

puglife15 · 01/06/2016 10:19

Just curious, how come you are going on holiday with your parents but he's not? Was he invited?

Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 10:21

With a little perspective, her request probably was born out of him not telling her all the info and her assuming just my parents are away, not us too. Stupid boy.

The pregnancy thing sounds ;like I am protecting my brother but believe me I am not. No way at all. And he shirks his responsibility there too.

I just couldnt fathom why someone wouldn't tell their partner the details and panicked.

Thanks all for the perspective

puglife We invited our parents away. No reason other than that. He lives 30ish miles away from us and we see him once in a blue moon. My parents suggested they come away with us the next time we went away because of the tough time we had with DS on the previous holiday because of his illness.

OP posts:
nannybeach · 01/06/2016 10:25

stick at "no", they can pay for kennel, homesitter, walker.

araiba · 01/06/2016 10:30

every post op makes, makes her and her attitude to brother and gf seem worse and worse

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 01/06/2016 10:31

I dunno, her brother does sound a bit like a lazy arse!

Be fair to her - she has admitted she may have been hasty in calling it this way.

Ludways · 01/06/2016 10:34

Book the dog into kennels for the night or for the week. Sorted.

ExitPursuedByBear · 01/06/2016 10:35

I'd be worried about them leaving the dog as well.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/06/2016 10:37

You're not coming across very well at all OP.

The gf really hasn't done anything wrong.

Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 10:38

I don't think he does it intentionally but he's just so blaze. He's 27 and acts like a young teenager with no responsibilities, no ties and no commitments. At one stage, he had his gf running around after him, driving 60+ mile round trip to deliver his new mobile phone, had her taking him out (her paying for it all), her paying for hotels to stay in etc. Then I saw a different, quite nasty and mean side to him and wonder if he does do these things intentionally.

I guess we just differ so much - If i say I am doing something, I do it unless something out of my control stops me. He will say he's coming to visit, have my parents waiting in all day then either not turn up or turn up in the late evening.

My parents don't want to put the dog in kennels, hence why they asked my brother, well in advance, and said if he couldnt do it to tell them and they would try and arrange something else - as in they wouldn't go on holiday with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 10:41

The more I think about it, he's just taking the piss out of the gf I think. Making her run around after him, making her look a fool. Arsehole.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/06/2016 10:49

If they want to go to the wedding then can your parents dog go into kennels for a day ot two?

Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 10:52

diddl He could but he's a very mardy dog and he gets stressed even when my Mum goes out shopping so it's probably not the best for him. This is why they asked my useless brother in the first place.

OP posts:
Nannawifeofbaldr · 01/06/2016 10:58

cjt I feel very sorry for the gf given what you've said about your brother.

She's not going to have an easy time once the baby is born is she? Be kind to her.

She's made her own bed but it looks pretty uncomfortable from here.

Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 11:01

Nanna The "baby" is now 2. He's a lazy shit and whilst he loves his daughter, I'm sure he could do more. I'm feeling quite cross at him for putting his gf in a situation where she has been mis-informed and looks like a wally.

OP posts:
Catmuffin · 01/06/2016 11:08

Must admit if my dh had agreed to dogsit for a week and we then got unvited to a friend's wedding I'd be pretty disappointed if we weren't all able to go because of the dog. Hopefully your parents will offer to pay for the dog to be cared for by a kennel for 24 hours so they can all go

nobilityobliges · 01/06/2016 11:11

I don't see why you're annoyed at this. They've asked you for a favour which you can't do. Just tell them that. Saying it's "devious" is pretty weird imo.

UpsiLondoes · 01/06/2016 11:15

Just text her back- "no idea why you're texting me knowing we are all abroad for a week, but your tactics aren't appreciated"

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 01/06/2016 11:16

Might she be envious that you're going away with your parents, whilst they weren't invited? Although given what you've said about your brother that's possibly irrelevant!

UpsiLondoes · 01/06/2016 11:19

-months ago: we are all abroad for a week. Can you dog sit?

-yes

-a week before the trip, asks another member who is traveling: can you dogsit?

  • er no, we're abroad with the people you are dog sitting for!
  • oh yes never mind I'm sure it will be fine.

Of course it's shit stirring - now the parents will worry about their dog knowing their dog sitters want to leave the dog for a couple of days!!!

TheCladdagh · 01/06/2016 11:24

Now you seem determined to think the worst of your brother, having transferred your attentions over from his GF, who seems to be simultaneously devious and manipulative and entrapping, and also vulnerable, naive, and continually running around after your brother, as well as the one who pays for everything - which is it?

And you keep using the word 'panic' about the dog situation - what's really going on, OP? A simple misunderstanding, or a situation that involves a bit of rejigging of dogsitting for a day and a night, at worst, surely doesn't merit 'panic'?

Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 11:27

I feel anxious about it myself, nevermind my parents.

Have just asked gf did brother not tell her we were all going together. She said she presumed he wasn't 100% as he asked her to message me, They weren't together (they separated for a while) when he was asked and as such wasnt invited to the wedding. Then when she asked him he didnt realise it was the same week.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 01/06/2016 11:30

TheCladdagh I am worrying becase my parents will be stressing over it now and also no doubt when we go away, worrying if he will leave the dog on its own for a full day and night. As I have also said, thinking about it, he does mug her off quite a bit and perhaps she is just being made out to be the baddy by him because he doesnt want to ask hasn't got the balls himself.

OP posts:
Stardust160 · 01/06/2016 11:31

You call your brother lazy yet they are taking your parents dog for a week as a favour 🙄 Sorry that's abig commitment. If your parents choose to have a dog they should put it in a kennel if they want to go abroad. Dogs are very tieing hence why many people choose not to have them. They may have forgot or wonder if you would suggest a kennel for one day. I don't see them harm in it to be honest. What would you darling parents do if you all went away together?