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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel lonely when its school holidays?

26 replies

FeelingSuddenlyRich · 31/05/2016 17:09

i just always feel like everyone else is having loads of fun with their DCs and friends and their dcs out and about in big groups, the beach, zoo, soft play, parks, picnics. lunches .....this is what I see on fb anyway

and there is me on my own trying to entertain 3 dcs every day and i just feel like billy no mates. yesterday 2 of my good friends were all over FB with their picnic in the park. i wasnt invited and it was right near my house. we 3 used to do stuff together but they are closer now and I guess I am just not flavour of the month anymore

I have asked various other friends if they want to do stuff and no joy, they've all got other plans, some of which sound like lame excuses, I smile and am all like awww no worries but inside its hard not to take it personally :(

doesn't help that I am quite low and depressed anyway at the moment (am on ADs and I actually have a review at the drs tomorrow as I am feeling so shitty)

I even tagged myself where i was today with the kids (ice skating) and posted a pic so those fuckers who aren't inviting me to stuff it looks like I am still having fun :( I wasn't, I was just sat there with a book trying to contain the toddler

sorry if I sound about 5 14

OP posts:

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 31/05/2016 17:32

Do you have any single friends? Invite them! I love doing stuff like farm trips with friends children cause otherwise I wouldn't get to do that sort of stuff.

Especially if you have a friend who is close enough for you to say "I'm feeling a bit down and could use some company" (I know depression is more than that... But that's how I word it to my friends myself."

Original poster

FeelingSuddenlyRich · 31/05/2016 17:39

my best friend is child free, and we do go out sometimes, but she has ME and fibro so cant be out long

I just feel that I, and the kids, are missing out

OP posts:

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 31/05/2016 17:42

Ask your kids' mates to come with you, and maybe their parents.

Don't ask YOUR friends - they are all with their kids' mates' parents.

Your mates are for when you go out without the DCs.

Original poster

FeelingSuddenlyRich · 31/05/2016 18:38

Thanks mrseigh but I don't really find that's the case in my "circle" ...my older dcs have friends round (and vice versa) but I don't socialise with their parents at all, I know them to say hello to etc but that's as far as it goes...and the 2 year old has no friends as such really (like her mum lol)

on the plus side my dc are good and lovely company and we always have fun...it would just be nice to share it with adult company

OP posts:

Nannawifeofbaldr · 31/05/2016 18:52

It's all about perspective though. I have a nice circle of friends but rarely organise days out with them in the holidays because I really, really enjoy time to myself with the children.

Going where we want to go, eating what we want to eat, but being at the whim of someone else's toddler's tantrum.

Picks some places you'd like to go, make a plan and carry it out. It doesn't have to be less fun just because there isn't another adult there.

8FencingWire · 31/05/2016 18:53

I sat in bed most of the day. DD next to me, both of us on our ipads. Who cares? We did what was right for us. We also put the heating on for a bit, we were freezing. Closest we came to entertainment was a quick trip to Tesco for some butter.
She's hardly hard done and I'm quite far from being a bad mother. We decided this week we're doing NOTHING.
I made the beds and a brownie. That's it for the day.
Who do you think actually cares?

jelliebelly · 31/05/2016 19:14

Stay away from Facebook - it is the work of the devil!

coco1810 · 31/05/2016 19:15

I can kinda see OP point. My Facebook feed becomes an ongoing competition between who goes where and who does what. It can make you feel guilty. I had a bit of a guilt trip today because we are stuck in the house (thanks to the bloody dog going into session last Friday!). But while I was feeling guilty, DC had made a den in the garden and had "the best day ever". A picnic in the garden and I am super mom. Tomorrow is baking day (god help me). Don't worry about what other parents are doing, go make memories with your DC, they will think you're great. Motherhood should be about the journey you make with your kids, not the race to compete with others.

FuzzyOwl · 31/05/2016 19:21

Sorry you feel like this but maybe someone saw your FB post today and was envious of you out having fun iceskating. People are able to edit their lives to be fun, exciting, interesting and envy inducing oh FB, but it doesn't mean it is true and they really are happy or enjoying themselves. I always think that if you are having such a great time that you wouldn't be on your phone and on FB!

Have you thought of looking at local parent groups (NCT etc often have FB group pages) as people will often post about meet ups and things you can do. You might meet some nice new people as well.

Enidblyton1 · 31/05/2016 20:48

I feel like that sometimes too - and I'm sure many others do too so you're not alone.
When my daughter was new at a nursery a few years ago (and all the other mums seemed v cliquey) one really nice lady popped a Christmas card in my DCs bag, with her phone number and asking if we'd like a play date. Perhaps you could do something similar with your toddler if they go to a nursery?
Glad you have a lovely time with your DCs anyway. Next time you go somewhere with them, look around - I bet you'll spot other mums in the same position as you - wishing they were there with others! (Might even be me!!)

Original poster

FeelingSuddenlyRich · 01/06/2016 09:51

Aww that's lovely of her enid I don't think I'd dare do that! But I'd love it if it happened to me lol

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stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/06/2016 10:19

meh yanbu

its that kind of holiday anxiety when you feel like you should be having more fun than you are

do me a favour, un follow on FB every single friend that makes you feel shitty, do it NOW. that's a lot of anguish saved- please

I also agree, for each child invite their little BFF over- and sod these so call mates

Hope the antis start making you feel better

Original poster

FeelingSuddenlyRich · 01/06/2016 10:53

Glad not just me stop

I think the root of it is I'm upset at being left out by certain "friends" and I'm not sure what I've done wrong but I can't say anything as I'll look needy

I also think I like to feel and appear popular and that's a bit pathetic of me really Isn't it

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Fiona80 · 01/06/2016 10:53

They wouldn't be on FB if they were Really busy having SO much FUN!!!

Liiinooo · 01/06/2016 11:03

WHat feeling said. When my DDs are away at uni I know when they are really having a great time because all of a sudden they stop tweeting and updating their FB status.

mogloveseggs · 01/06/2016 11:09

I'm the same. My Facebook is full of family holidays and day trips out. But I know that we are fine. Kids are doing what they want to and we're off on a really special trip next week. I think the grass is always greener and Facebook is just competitive. I really should get rid of it.

mogloveseggs · 01/06/2016 11:10

By my Facebook I mean newsfeed. Not me. It's blooming rare we do anything special.

Original poster

FeelingSuddenlyRich · 01/06/2016 11:28

Yes it seems competitive to me but that might be my state of mind clouding how I see things

OP posts:

JinRamen · 01/06/2016 11:40

I know how you feel.

I don't have many friends, or at least those who might be certainly dorm invite me out. My dc seem to have friends at school but agin no pay dates ever (despite us asking) and we regularly go the whole half term and even the six weeks at summer not seeing anyone else at all.

I feel sad for my dc as their friends come back with stories of l these fab meet ups they did and whilst I do take them out on day trips we certainly can't afford the flash overseas trips everyone else seems to do. Plus dh works all the time and I work weekends so it is literally just me and the kids.

BillBrysonsBeard · 01/06/2016 11:56

Seriously, come off facebook... I promise your mental health will thank you for it! You won't be comparing your life anymore. People only show the best bits on there, edited and filtered to death (I was guilty of this...) Kids don't need fancy trips for them to have a good time. My best memories of holidays were with my siblings: paddling pool, making dens, woodland walks, eating tea in the garden

TWOBANANAS · 01/06/2016 11:59

It's the same every single half term holiday. I've got 3 kids, different ages and it constantly feels like I'm a bad mum because I'm not out every day doing fun things with them. I try to avoid facebook as it just looks like others are showing off. My kids actually like time at home, watching tv, spending time relaxing and having pj days. Don't feel bad, Facebook is very much Fakebook. Behind the smiling photos there's a lot you don't see.

mogloveseggs · 01/06/2016 12:03

It's all very look at me. A lot of people post for attention.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/06/2016 12:04

I always wonder what's on someone's mind when they are half way through an event and they think

"oooh- I must post this on facebook"

Its fucking pathetic if you think about it, they have such a desire to present their "fun" to people that it overrides enjoying the present

have you unfollow them yet OP. hmm :-)

WRT to your mates, there is very little you can do about them doing things without you. For some reason, they have decided that get better "feels|" from each others company, and as hurtful as it is, any push back will make them feel guilty and maybe spur some nasty defensince behaviour. Withdrawal is easier

I feel like this with a close family member, they spend all their fucking time socialising with groups of friends- and no matter how hard I try I somehow feel lacking. Its a self esteem thing x

Luckster · 01/06/2016 12:06

I 'cheated' these holidays. ds1 & ds2 are off on cub camp all week having lots of fun alongside dh who is a cub leader. DD went to my mum's house (and took the dog with her!) so she could have fun with her Nan. Meantime, I'm home along working like a dog and trying to get on top of the housework that builds up during the term time. I have no friends to catch up with these holidays as I work such long hours, I haven't had time to invest in friendships. I console myself with the fact that I have peace and quiet and a chance to get on top of things.

kennypppppppp · 01/06/2016 13:16

facebook can be so mean and makes your brain work overtime. it's tough when your kids are young and it's the holidays but i know exactly how you feel - i used to feel totally the same way as you too.

seeing as you have a 2 y.o. you could get involved (in some way) in your local homestart if they have one? they sometimes organise family days out and so so so so many people (honestly) are in the same position as you in the holidays but it's difficult to meet those other people that are similar to you but homestart might help?

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