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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if people actually use reigns on a 4 year old?

98 replies

Thefitfatty · 31/05/2016 13:39

Not thread about a thread, but just wondering for the whole Cincinnati zoo incident if people actually do put their 4 year olds in reigns?

My 4 year DS is 21kgs and 118 cm's tall. If I put reigns on him and he really decided to go for it I'd probably end up flat on my face.

I tried reigns on him when he was almost 3 and I had to take him DD (less then 1 at the time) through the airport myself and he flopped down onto the ground on his tummy and refused to get up. I end up having to drag him a few feet till I could put DD back in her pram and pick up our bags from the carousel. I felt like an absolute asshole and decided never to use them again!

I just can't imagine putting him in them now anymore then I would put him in pram.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 31/05/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RupertPupkin · 31/05/2016 20:41

Can't believe people get negative reactions for using reins. No one, but NO ONE uses reins because they're a cute fashion accessory. They're used to keep children safe.

I never used them at any age but if my kids had been bolters I would not hesitate to strap them up, even at age 4.

ToucanPlayThatGame · 31/05/2016 20:49

My 3.5 year old still uses a backpack, and I can't see us getting rid of it anytime soon. He's a bolter, doesn't walk nicely next to the pushchair and hates the buggy board. I also have baby twins, so the pushchair is a heavy, unwieldy behemoth, so it'd be difficult to run after him. I have no intention of getting rid while there's a chance he'll run into the street. And for those saying that reins are for dogs, that's true. But, same as my child, I wouldn't want my dog running into the street either.

MadamDeathstare · 31/05/2016 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2016 20:53

MrsPresley I've said if before and I'll say it again, your posts helped me years ago with the guilt of having DD in reins. I know lots of other posters have commented over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if you have saved lives.

So sorry for your loss

Owllady · 31/05/2016 20:57

I'm sorry MrsPresley
I know of a friend of a friend whose four year old died as a result of running into the road, she never got over it and is in an institution now. I wish people would bloody think about what they are saying before they judge someone (esp 're something so simple as reins! Ffs) . There is alot to be said about if you can't day anything nice, don't say anything at all

PrincessHairyMclary · 31/05/2016 21:05

I'm so sorry Mrs Presley.

My DD is nearly 7 now and very sensible and will walk nicely and hold your hand. She is however terrified of dogs.

Her dad doesn't agree with holding her hand and allows her to run ahead, last time she was with him a dog barked at her and she ran into the road and he wasn't close enough to stop her....fortunately there were no cars. He then yelled at her!

Children are unpredictable what ever it takes to keep them safe do it.

dizzytomato · 31/05/2016 21:14

I don't usually but we are going on holiday soon and I will use the Little Life Backpack.

I don't trust him as he has no road sense as we live in middle of nowhere and is a bit of a daredevil (thinks he's invincible). I will take the buggy as well. I would rather have him safe.

He is a big boy, already in clothes that his 6 year old brother has only just grown out of. If he pulls me over we will be having a big chat about walking sensibly.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/05/2016 21:15

MrsPresley thank you for that . I expect Denise Furgus wish she had used reins or a buggy for her son James Bulger, in fact in Ralph Bulgers book, I believed that it mentioned that they wished they had taken the buggy, but for some reason, that day it was not taken . That is why I will carry on using the backpack, no ds is not a dog, this is a backpack, designed for child safety, not a dog lead!!! I don't care about the stares or comments, actually there has been none, I want ds safe and tucked up in bed each night thank you!!

Original poster

Thefitfatty · 01/06/2016 03:17

Just to be clear I wasn't judging anyone for using them, just more curious as, living in the UAE where people don't use them even on toddlers, and my own experience with them whether people did actually use them. Good on you if you can!

Granted I don't have bolters, but may get two of those wrist strap ones when we go to Sri Lanka later this year.

Sorry for your loss Mrs. Presley :(

OP posts:

InionEile · 01/06/2016 03:31

I don't think reins really work, in my brief personal experience anyway. My DS (now 4) was terrible for running off on me, not listening, getting into mischief but he hit peak crazy at about 2 years old. I tried reins out on him then and they didn't work. If he had really decided to bolt, holding the reins would have just made it worse and he would have tripped or tangled himself up in something.

They do give the illusion of freedom for a young toddler who hates holding hands but for a 4 year old that obviously doesn't apply. Nothing much worked for me at all except being in a permanent state of alert and waiting until he was 3 to have DD so I wasn't pregnant with a mad bolter. Even when he was 3 we had a few moments but he had improved a lot by then. Still an impulsive kid but I don't think reins would help with that.

Rebecca2014 · 01/06/2016 04:43

My daughter twice ran across v quiet road, I know she was lucky no cars were about. Still makes me feel ashamed to this day. I started using reigns, she wasn't happy about it (tantrums on floor) either that or buggy though.

Daughter now 4 and is very good at stopping etc so don't need use them anymore but if she was still a bolter i would def use them.

Original poster

Thefitfatty · 01/06/2016 06:16

See DS was never a bolter, but he refused to sit in a pram from the moment he could walk (DD is the same), so I though reigns would be a great idea. But the minute I put them on him he went from being a good kid who would generally walk just beside me and hold hands to being a screaming tantrum who sat on the floor and refused to budge.

Also, maybe it's because in the UAE they start proper school at 3 1/2 so they mature a bit faster, but if he's being naughty I can generally reason with him now. :/

DD is a bit of a bolter, but she's petrified of cars and strangers, so I always have to carry her around cars and if she bolts around people she panics and runs back to me as soon as someone so much as glances at her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Thefitfatty · 01/06/2016 06:20

Also, as I said in my OP. DS is a big boy. A few months ago we were at a flower place and I was carrying DD in one arm and holding DS's hand with the other. We were walking over this bridge and DS saw something he wanted to show me and pulled quickly, I wasn't expecting it and went face first down to the ground. I was pretty bruised because I chose to keep DD safe rather then stop my fall. If I was using reigns on DS I can imagine that would happen a lot! (And I'm not tiny. I'm 5'6 and 77 kgs).

OP posts:

MissDuke · 01/06/2016 06:31

I am not sure how much reins really help, often you see children pulling on them to move faster and not holding the adults hand. Surely the goal is to encourage them to walk holding your hand, therefore a wrist strap would be better? I tried reins but didn't like them for that reason, I couldn't easily hold their hand and the reins. For me, the ultimate goal was to teach them road safety, not just physically hold them back.

honkinghaddock · 01/06/2016 07:07

I don't think wrist straps are secure. If a child pulls hard enough they will come off. I have a 9 year old that uses a harness and he has never managed to pull me over. He has got twisted up and fallen over a few times but if I didn't use them there is a good chance he would have been hit by a car by now.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/06/2016 07:29

Missduke for my 4 year old strong body of 5-6 year old, they are working, I use them in conjunction with hand holding. I also use them when he's on the cycle or scooter so he does not ride off which he has done in the past. In a busy situation when it's easy for a little one to let go of hands and go with the crowd, you can keep them with you easily. So quite literally a lifesaver.

Medusacascade · 01/06/2016 07:29

Yes. My DS Is now 9. But at 4 years old he was on reigns still because he was a serious and dangerous bolter. Didn't know at the time he had ASD which caused the behaviour. But he was on reigns when he tried to get into a shark tank. And I posted on the other thread about how it took him a second to vault in with the hippos at Bristol Zoo.

stillenacht1 · 01/06/2016 07:33

I put reins on my nearly 13 yr old but then he has low functioning autism.. Have used them all the time even at 6/7/8 when people thought he was NT. Couldn't give a shiny shit what people think- he needs to be safe.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/06/2016 07:33

This is what he wears, strong, age appropriate and really trendy, not a dog lead or baby reins. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00SVDOJXM/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Aeroflotgirl · 01/06/2016 07:36

Ds is 4.5 but functioning on a 3 year level, it's ironic as he is 4 not 14, still a bit immature. I have seen his friends from nursery run off when we have gone out for a group picnic with the other mums. The are 4, so still very little in the grand scheme of things, you cannot fully trust their judgement.

MiaowTheCat · 01/06/2016 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TellMeDani · 01/06/2016 08:19

I'm sorry for you loss MrsPresley.

I've always used reins, we still walk holding hands I just loop my hand through. I find that it's when you stop to do something that they bolt, your attention is diverted and both hands are being used, reins just make it easier to keep hold of them.

I couldn't care less what other people think, I very rarely see other people using reins where I live and so feel that by comparison I must look a bit uptight as a lot of friends seem to be happy with their kids scooting or running off in the distance.

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