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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if people actually use reigns on a 4 year old?

98 replies

Thefitfatty · 31/05/2016 13:39

Not thread about a thread, but just wondering for the whole Cincinnati zoo incident if people actually do put their 4 year olds in reigns?

My 4 year DS is 21kgs and 118 cm's tall. If I put reigns on him and he really decided to go for it I'd probably end up flat on my face.

I tried reigns on him when he was almost 3 and I had to take him DD (less then 1 at the time) through the airport myself and he flopped down onto the ground on his tummy and refused to get up. I end up having to drag him a few feet till I could put DD back in her pram and pick up our bags from the carousel. I felt like an absolute asshole and decided never to use them again!

I just can't imagine putting him in them now anymore then I would put him in pram.

OP posts:

madein1995 · 31/05/2016 15:11

I haven't got children, but as a child if we were going somewhere busy, we had the pushchair with us, until I was around 6 or 7. I'd walk sometimes, holding my parents hands, and then when I got tired/wanted a drink/legs were aching I could go into the pushchair. I had reins until the age of 4, I was a small child and liked to try and run off,my parents wouldn't take any chances

SolomanDaisy · 31/05/2016 15:12

I have told DS that I'm going to next time we're at an airport, after he ran off in an airport! We used to have a littlelife backpack, it's just a strap attached to their backpack. I think that would still work at 4.

Also, your 4 year-old is 118cm tall? You know that's 8cm above the 95th centile?! (I know because DS was 110cm and on the 95th centile and he's the tallest in his year).

LouSavage · 31/05/2016 15:12

Better reins than a buggy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/05/2016 15:16

if I had a kid likely to run off of course.

if rather be judged and have an unhurt alive child than be judged and have an injured one. dd1 I used reins until 2. and a wrist strap after that of we went somewhere busy.

dd2 has reins til about 3. handy fir tying to thongs and keeping I'm one place

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2016 15:46

Not at 4, but at 3 she was still in them because she was a terrible bolter. I once tried her in a large park near us, let her wander off (in eye line). I thought she would stop at some point but she went about a mile without looking back once.

Some kids are leg-clingers; some are bolters. The parents of one seldom understand the parents the other.

RubyGates · 31/05/2016 15:53

Yes. Far better than to have your child under a lorry as you try to load yourself, a small baby and a load of shopping onto a bus. Reins save lives and a living child is worth any amount of strangers' disapproval.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/05/2016 16:11

My 4 year old does have a 1.5 year dev delay and speech and lang delay, so I do have a Tresspass backpack harness thingy, he is growing out of that, so I have bought a really trendy little life spiderman backpack with lead for him.

StillRabbit · 31/05/2016 16:23

By the time mine were that age I'd switched to a wrist strap if we were somewhere busy. I knew I would be unable to have eyes on them ALL the time when shopping, days out etc. and would not risk losing the most precious things in my life. They learned that they had to stay close to parents and if they were told they couldn't do something and then tried to do it there would be repercussions and that could be having the wrist strap back on.

VimFuego101 · 31/05/2016 16:25

Unfortunately in the US putting your child on reins is considered to be on a par with child abuse. They are severely frowned upon here and rarely used. I had some for DS and was regularly told off by interfering busybodies for putting my child on a leash.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 31/05/2016 16:26

Yup, he's a bolter so needs them. I got the backpack style ones and make him carry his own crap too:o

missingmumxox · 31/05/2016 16:31

Up until 5, had twins who both bolted and one has autism, but I don't think at 4 most children require them and I hated not being able to be like other parents who could gently trot after their 3 and 4 year olds when out, giving the child some freedom, no I could only do this ironically (because I know where this has come from) was a zoo 3 miles from my home and it is fully enclosed and safer than any of the local parks which where by roads, only bit I would keep them strapped up was the Honey badger enclosure as they could if they wanted get into that and they are viscous, both honey badger and 4 year olds!

CwtchMeQuick · 31/05/2016 16:37

DS has just turned 4 and has a monkey back pack thing and it has a tail to hold on to. If we're somewhere busy he wears it and if he walks nicely he holds his own tail, if he runs away I hold it. He used to be a nightmare and swing off his reins or lie on the floor. I just used to sit on the floor with him, he eventually realised he either walked nicely on his reins or we didn't go anywhere.

fieldfare · 31/05/2016 16:58

I won't comment on what happened at the zoo, but I have used a wrist-strap in both my daughter and one of the children I used to care for when they were 4 years old.
The other child I cared for was a bolter and there was no way I could have caught her and safely looked after the other children. She had to wear a wrist-strap attached to my wrist too.
I used a wrist-strap with my daughter whenever we went somewhere busy - New Year's Day parade in London, Chinese New Year etc. Anywhere where I knew it was going to be exceptionally busy and didn't want to run the risk of her slipping from my hand.

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 31/05/2016 16:59

My ds is nearly 4 and a complete bugger for running off. I have enormous sympathy for the zoo mum because my ds would be that kid who could climb his way into a gorilla enclosure in the 2 seconds it took you to tie another kid's laces (or blink, or whatever she did). I haven't got any reins but if he's having a running off kind of day while we're out, I sometimes clip him to the dog lead and let the dog plod along with no lead. Sometimes just the threat of doing it works, but if not and he keeps running off, it works quite well. He's also perfected bellowing 'YOU'RE HURTING MEEEE' if I insist on holding his hand when he wants to run off.

Samcro · 31/05/2016 17:00

i used a wrist strap when they were that age. it was a never a problem

EveryoneElsie · 31/05/2016 17:01

I did use them but not at 4!

lalalalyra · 31/05/2016 17:17

I can see me still using the little life backpack when DD3 is 4. She's almost 3 and she's a bolter, but not a regular bolter - just infrequently enough that you start feeling a bit relaxed about it and then she reminds you.

I always used reins with mine because I don't like holding hands ]I went to a training conference one and one of the speakers (who was quite random in most things, but this one stuck) had everyone hold their hand up above their head while we watched a video of a walk to the shops. When people started grumbling about their arm getting sore she said "When your toddler kicks off about holding your hand... that's why"] and then progressed to the backpacks. I got told off in Spain by an old lady whose only English was "No dog!" as she wagged her finger at me for putting my child on a leash. Better safe than sorry when they are very small or unpredictable imo. So if my 4yo needed reins then I'd use them, more likely the backpack.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/05/2016 17:46

Lala that is ds, lulls you into a false sense of security, and then lets you know, that he can bolt from time to time, he will have the backpack until he consistently demonstrates that he can be reliable. Everyone if your 4 year old had a habit of bolting, or wandering off, there is no doubt that you will use the backpack if that means literally ensuring their safety.

MigGril · 31/05/2016 18:41

DS has a little life back pack and still uses it now at 5, not with the trains now but the handle on it has saved him going in the odd river or two. Which is why I like him to use it as a back pack even now. I'm sure I did all use the rain on it sometimes when he was four and the pushchair, he's a real bolter.

Arfarfanarf · 31/05/2016 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessHairyMclary · 31/05/2016 18:50

I used a backpack with lead if we were somewhere very busy or potential for danger such as near rivers feeding ducks etc.

Dd is normally very good and was never a bolter but it allowed her to explore a bit and keep her hands free.

BathshebaDarkstone · 31/05/2016 18:55

I keep mine in my bag and DS knows I'll use them if he makes a run for it. Apparently MIL used to take DH to school in reins at age 5, otherwise he'd run into the road. Obviously this is where DS gets it from.

meffhead · 31/05/2016 18:55

On a 2-2.5 year old yeah ... A Neurotypical 2.5 year old plus ... No way! Especially not on a 4 year old. Most are in reception class.... Absolutely ridiculous that you can't control a child if that she just with your voice!

pouncehill · 31/05/2016 18:55

I remember my little sister having them (not sure what age) and I would make her run round pretending to be my pony
Tbh if my mum didn't have them on her then she would have been off

snickers251 · 31/05/2016 18:59

Haven't needed to use them since about 2 1/2 but I would if I had a bolter

I used to get comments about them all the time but always positive ones

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