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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my children to bed at 7pm every night?

143 replies

DreamCloud99 · 30/05/2016 19:36

Including school holidays and weekends?

My twins are 4 (almost 5) . I find that if they don't have enough sleep they are grumpy, rude and uncooperative the next day.

They also get up at 6am , no matter what time I put them to bed !

I can hear children out playing in the sunshine and one of my twins is already fast asleep

The other is in bed quietly playing a game .

I selfishly enjoy my evening time and as I go to bed myself around 9:30pm, I like to keep them in routine so I can have some down time .

But I'm not sure if this is mean? AIBU?

OP posts:

KERALA1 · 31/05/2016 18:33

Am entitled to my opinion - based on my own family 7pm is a toddlers bedtime. Way too early for my 9 year old she would be tossing and turning. Plus we like to interact with each other as a family rather than give kids dinner at 5pm then hustle them to bed by 7 so we can have an "adult" evening as most of our friends do.

Buttercupsandaisies · 31/05/2016 18:43

I have to admit I find 7pm early for over 7s. Even with early risers, Most people I know have successfully managed to change their Dc routine to 8-9pm dso they sleep in longer (it will happen, just doesn't happen over night).

I don't see why people want them in bed so early as they get older?! (Totally understand if they're knackered but often it's not the case). Kids miss out so much, particularly in the summer months. DDs 10&8 go to bed about 9pm on school night and 10pm at weekends. However if camping, have friends over or at a party they'll happily run around at midnight!

You go abroad and it's very similar. There's no us and them at that age.

I love evening family time. I don't think people are unreasonable having early bedtime but do wander sometimes if it's more about enjoying their adult time than routine

KERALA1 · 31/05/2016 18:49

Exactly buttercup same.

CMOTDibbler · 31/05/2016 18:59

the point is that all kids are different. Some need more sleep, some less. Some can have a late night and sleep in the next day, or just get up at their normal time and be fine.
Some can't. Mine is one of those - he needs to go to sleep at 8, and only wakes at 7 or 7.15, and leaves for school at 8.15. If he doesn't get enough sleep he is really grumpy, and doesn't do well staying up. Its not missing out, its making his days pleasant. I need to go to bed at 10 myself.

sharknad0 · 31/05/2016 19:00

Mine don't have a different bed time at the weekend. It makes Sunday nights and Monday mornings a lot easier for them.

I really wouldn't judge other families. My teacher friends are complaining that too many kids are knackered and grumpy on Mondays, and obviously don't sleep enough during the week. I don't think there are any rules on how much sleep they get, the right answer is when they sleep enough, and they are all different.

Some parents go to bed at 9 themselves, some at midnight, you wouldn't judge them, would you?

Sunshine1982 · 31/05/2016 20:17

When my sister and I were children it was neighbours theme tune then bedso 6pm! I didn't question it until a school friend said he watched London Burning so went to bed at 9 or 10 :-D

NewLife4Me · 31/05/2016 20:27

Surely within reason it's down to the dc though.
Two very active infants are likely to be tired quicker than a sedate 8 year old.
My two ds always used to ask for bed when tired and as they got older take themselves off to bed, even if it was before their bedtime.
Dd has just started sleeping through at 12 years old, and mostly still wakes in the early hours.
They are all different and require different levels of sleep, do what works best for you.

Catvsworld · 31/05/2016 20:28

I do and my 16 year dosent have to go to bed but dose have to head to his room I hVe lots of children and spend all day with them I go to bed at 10 think I earn 3 hours just me and oh

e1y1 · 31/05/2016 20:35

YANBU, my bedtime was 7pm ALL the way until high school.

First hand advice, be prepared for a bit of struggle during the summer months, especially if you live on a cul-de-sac and your bedroom overlooks the avenue where other kids were still out

evileyes · 31/05/2016 20:35

YANBU, I did exactly the same at the age for the same reasons. DS (6) now can stay up later during holidays and special occasions as he can deal with the next day much better but at 4, no way, he was a nightmare the whole day.

BertieBotts · 31/05/2016 20:38

Ooh I think I'm a bit out of touch then? DS is 7 and is allowed to do whatever he likes in his room from 7-8pm but 7pm is really bedtime. He thinks it's 8, though. I suppose it is 8, really.

He struggles to wake up in the morning as it is so wouldn't put him to bed any later. In fact sometimes he stays up later and is still awake at 9 or 10 because he can't sleep, but not normally.

Mammylamb · 31/05/2016 20:40

I mind other kids in the street being out playing while I was in my bed. Years later, I'm sure my parents did the right thing

ElodieS · 31/05/2016 20:43

I have 4yo DTs too and they go to bed at 7pm every night unless there's a very special reason. They stayed up until 9.30pm for DS's wedding recently and then slept really badly and the next few days were hell to be honest.

Ghodavies · 31/05/2016 20:45

My 12 year old was in bed at half 7!!

chipstick2810 · 31/05/2016 20:46

My ds is 5 and a half and is in bed asleep by 7, every day. When he started school he was so tired he was in bed by 6 or else he was a mess. He also napped until starting school.
He does get up at 6.15 every day though.
I'm happy with our routine and so is he (especially as he has an even earlier rising little sister!).
I remember being sent to bed after the 6 o'clock news finishes when I was obviously of an age to remember!
If there is an occasion he will stay up but not very often. He will still wake up at 6.15 the next day and will probably have a nap the next day to make up for it.

vienna1981 · 31/05/2016 20:46

A few summers ago, my sister in law made a point of not putting her young children to bed too early. The evenings were light and particularly warm and so the prospect of them dropping off to sleep was slim anyway. So they were allowed to play out in the garden until they'd had enough of their own accord. It made sense and worked for them.

GrassW1dow · 31/05/2016 20:53

My first year of boarding school (aged 11), we were sent to bed at 8.15pm. And 15 mins later for each year up.
My point being: if 8.15 is deemed acceptable for an 11 year old, 7pm must be about right for a young child.

knittingwithnettles · 31/05/2016 20:57

I think it is good to stick to the routine until they are about 8, but be aware that things can change. Sometimes you can spend longer putting them to bed than you would have if you just adjusted to slightly later more flexible bedtime. Often as they get older they like just chatting downstairs to the adult/s, and it can spoil things if you turn into this dragon constantly screaming it is bedtime be quiet go to sleep not allowed to come back down etc. It can be a rod for your own back, an obsession with the bedtime routine as your kids get older.

Having said that, we had a very good routine (and twins) but there were a few occasions where our obsession that they had to be in bed spoiled a few outings (family getogethers where we shouldn't have needed to get a babysitter but could have taken them along), and possibly stopped us having people round to dinner (as we were so determined to get the children tucked up first and "settled" that we never had time nor energy to talk to adults afterwards...a few kids of 8 or 9 hanging around wouldn't have been the end of the world, especially on summer evenings...)

Things do change with sleep patterns. We are still quite firm about making our 14 year olds go to bed though..it has been a thread running through that we do put our children to bed/remind them it is bedtime, even now when most people have given up setting a fixed bedtime.

bandito · 31/05/2016 21:01

Mine are 12 and 14 and in bed by 8.00 on a school night, but we are all up 5.00am for trains etc, so we just work on a different schedule to 'normal' people - I am in bed by 9.30pm. It was 7.00pm ish when they were at primary. In the holidays I don't care when they get up in the morning but they are never still up at 9pm unless we are out or watching a film together or away on holiday. I love going to bed and always have and I think this has rubbed off on the kids - we've never had a problem getting them to bed. Also it's BBC News and dishwasher-loading or bed at 8pm in our house. Rock and roll.

MiaowTheCat · 31/05/2016 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lukesme · 31/05/2016 21:13

My dt are 7 and still NEED to go at 7pm, maybe a bit later on hols and weekends but it catches up with them and they are vile

TerrifiedMothertobe · 31/05/2016 21:17

You know your children. Sounds like it works!

PuckyMup · 31/05/2016 21:19

Sounds ok to me.
Only thing I'll say is make sure you adjust it as they get older - My mum used to insist on 7pm bed (no reading/games/tv) until my brother and I were 12 or 13 (when it leapt back a whole hour to 8pm - at 15 she used to get furious when we refused and stayed up until 9/9.30pm and god help you if there was a light on after 10pm) and I'm sure that is why both of us have poor sleep habits - my brother won't go to bed early EVER no matter how exhausted he is and I suffer badly from insomnia that then swings into sleeping 12-15hrs at time - I very rarely sleep "normally" and I don't think I've ever slept 8hrs like a "normal" person!

MotherOfDragonsNotBoys · 31/05/2016 21:25

Not at all OP!
I have my 3.5 yr old bathed and in bed by 7pm at the latest and then my 4 month old by 7.30.
How else could you enjoy the peace/wine/peeing by yourself!?

Itsaplayonwords · 31/05/2016 21:36

My DD is usually in bed by 7pm although it's been slipping a bit recently to 7.30 for one reason or another. I actually find she sleeps worse when she goes down that bit later - over tired probably.

Only twice has she stayed up late - Christmas Day last year when she was up until about 9pm and a couple of months ago when MIL babysat and let her have a four hour nap - there wasn't a chance in hell she was going to bed for 7pm that night!

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