Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset because DH

71 replies

IamAnIAMSgirl · 29/05/2016 16:02

Appears to be ignoring me because I went away with DM for the night?

This first bank holiday, he went away overnight with his friend and had a glorious time. Very happy for him that he enjoyed himself of course and heard all about it.

I have just returned home after an evening away with DM, who I do not get much quality time with and I did not feel welcome at home when I returned, and he asked me in an off voice how it was.

While I was away I called home twice and he cut me short both times, and now I am back he has hardly spoken to me, or elaborated much on what he has been up to when I asked him.

I am so upset I have left the house and I doubt he has even noticed.Aibu to think he is giving me the cold shoulder because I went away and to be upset? How would you deal with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
IamAnIAMSgirl · 30/05/2016 09:02

Hello again, I have a bit of an update.
We have woken up this morning and Dh is giving me the cold shoulder again. I made everyone breakfast and we were sat at the table and DH appeared to be ignoring me again but conversing warmly with ds. He had not said one word to me except to answer any questions I ask and when I asked if I had upset him, he got quite angry and said he was just tidying up.
Please help me deal with this as he just denies being off when he clearly is.

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 09:08

Stop making an effort with him?

Seriously. He has you running after him like a little dog trying to please his every whim

If he's sulking let him. Do your normal every day activities, engage with your ds, ask him questions if you need to but apart from that pretend he's not even there

He won't like it and might make him sit up a bit

puglife15 · 30/05/2016 09:20

Don't ask is you have upset him. Take him to one side when the kids aren't there and say "look, it's clear something's bothering you, I need you to be a grown up and tell me what's going on."

OohMavis · 30/05/2016 09:23

Jesus Christ, does he have form for this? If I were you I'd plan myself a lovely day with your son and leave him at home.

Stop trying - let him have his tantrum. Don't dance to his tune.

Sounds like a fucking bellend tbh.

bloodypassword · 30/05/2016 09:25

Arrange a nice day out with your DC. You don't need this sort of nonsense. Good luck. Your DH sounds immature and manipulative.

Notonthestairs · 30/05/2016 09:28

What a spoilt man-child.
You've done nothing wrong and he's trying to punish you. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Any extra attention from you feeds his behaviour.

Original poster
IamAnIAMSgirl · 30/05/2016 09:33

We are going to a wildlife park today so I'll keep you updated. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
smilingeyes11 · 30/05/2016 10:32

I would go to the wildlife park without him and leave him alone to sulk like a toddler. How dare he and why on earth are you pandering to him. How else has he treated you like crap over the years I wonder?

ExplodingCarrots · 30/05/2016 11:00

He's punishing you. He's trying to make you feel so bad for going out that you won't bother again.

I'd probably move this thread to Relationships. You will get a lot more support over there.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/05/2016 11:13

Gawd sounds like my exH. Lots of passive aggression going on there - mine would cold shoulder me and when asked what was wrong say 'nothing, I'm just doing x' or 'nothing wrong with me I'm just watching the tv' He's having a tantrum albeit a silent one ... Ignore ignore ignore ... like you would a two year old.

SapphireStrange · 30/05/2016 11:52

Be breezy and don't pander to his mood.

Then pick a good moment and say 'You're not speaking to me properly. Please tell me what's wrong.'

AllOverIt · 30/05/2016 12:04

Sorry, but your DH is an arse.

See if you can cheerfully ignore it, kill it with kindness, and do as another poster said and say 'there's obviously something wrong. When you feel up to talking about it, I'm ready to chat...' or something along these lines and then breezily ignore his childishness. (Easier said than done, but it'll be so annoying for him, it's worth it!)

AprilSkies44 · 30/05/2016 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 30/05/2016 12:33

This cannot be the first time he's behaved like this surely? Tell him to stop sulking.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 30/05/2016 12:34

Stonewalling is a form of abuse and a bloody nasty one at that as it is so disconcerting and anxiety inducing.

Hissy · 30/05/2016 14:56

Absolutely make sure that you establish a regular "thing" of going out, tell him that it's clear he needs to get used to the idea that you have a life (as he does)

Tackle this head on, make it a deal breaker, he stops it today, or he can leave.

This IS one of the worst forms of emotional abuse.

StarryIllusion · 30/05/2016 16:21

A knobhead he be. Punch him you should.

AdrenalineFudge · 30/05/2016 16:24

This must be a total head fuck. It's insidious and a form of abuse. This can't have just started, surely?

whirlygirly · 30/05/2016 17:06

What hissy said. He's behaving like a total bellend and you don't need to put up with it.

coco1810 · 30/05/2016 17:10

Get on t'internet and start planning your next weekend away with your mom or some friends. If you are going to stay in this relationship (personally I would leave him to sulk and move on with my life with DC) you need to shift the boundaries. He has exactly the same amount of limited free time with you and yet he still chose to go away with his friends. Your world is going to become a very small, lonely place if you let this continue.

Original poster
IamAnIAMSgirl · 30/05/2016 19:08

Hello all, thanks for the replies. For those of you that asked, yes he does have form in the past but after words had been better. Don't want to let it slide again but the subtle behaviour of disapproval started again triggered by the evening with DM.

I did ask DH what was the matter and he insisted nothing but he is definitely less warm.

I have just let him know that I saw an interesting full time job on the Internet-I hope that got his cogs turning.

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/05/2016 19:11

Mwuhahaha

That's the way 😂😂😂

LumpySpacedPrincess · 30/05/2016 19:12

Could you just call him on his behaviour? How would he react? Jealousy and mistrust are so unattractive.

T be honest full time work may be the way to go, establish your own income and broaden your horizons. I'd be booking a mini break with my mates too! Smile

Original poster
IamAnIAMSgirl · 30/05/2016 22:17

Hi Lumpy, I have spoken with Dh tonight, and said to him that he has been quiet all weekend. He came back with that I hadn't been there all weekend, how should I know. I said that's it isn't it - you are upset that I went away with DM. I reminded him that he went away with his friend this month as well and he said to me that I don't miss a trick, do I.

He said he just couldn't be bothered anymore, wanted to watch telly. He wouldn't look at me and has been getting ready for bed in a sulky manner.

I have gone to spare room and am so upset and angry that I am shaking

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 30/05/2016 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.