To be upset my friend has asked for money?

[Tobeavsangel]

I woke up to a text of a friend asking to borrow £700.

I dont have that kind of money to just lend out and not worry until next payday. Ive also recently purchased (last week) a new house and paid the deposit. Which she knows about.

I paid her phone bill a year ago and I wasnt paid back for over a month.

Im upset of being put in such an awkward position.

[Mandp76]

I leant a really good friend £800 to help pay for her divorce lawyer. I later found out she was having an affair with my husband and refused to pay me the money back. Put me right off lending to anyone.

This is just disgusting!!!! I'm not surprised it would put you off!!!!

[firesidechat]

The oo hasnt been back. The op is too busy writing their article on the etiquette of asking for a loan...

I think should be included in the thread etiquette manual - come back at least once to say thank you or at least engage with the replies in some small way. It seems rude not to.

[Grilledaubergines]

Is it a cultural thing? Not convinced about that.

If I was on my arse and needed money, i would ask a friend. The reason we have the friendship in the first place is because we are like-minded and respect eachother. I absolutely would help, and have helped out, in return. I would be upset if I discovered a friend was going through financial hardship or had an emergency, and didn't come to me, the same as if they had a childcare emergency and didn't ask me to help. If they asked for £700 and I was in a position to help them without question they'd get the money. If I couldn't stretch to that, I'd give them what I could and help them try and sort the balance elsewhere.

[MsBojangles]

I once lent a friend £2000 when she was buying her house, it was a definite loan not a gift. Weeks turned into months and she never mentioned the money, not a squeak about even making a gesture of a repayment. Things started to get strained as I didn't want to have to ask her for it and she carried blythley on, both of us ignoring the elephant in the room. After about 6 months I'd had enough, rang her up and reminded her about the loan and told her to keep it as her need was obviously greater since she hadn't made any attempt to pay me back.

That was the end of our relationship, she took the money and ran, so to speak. If she was any kind of real friend she would've at least made an effort to pay back some of it but she clearly thought a free 2K was more important than retaining a friendship - that upset me more than losing the money.

Never again!

[MsHoolie]

How hard is it to say: 'sorry, can't help, don't have the cash spare'
(...unless you are the braggy playground mum from the other trending post today, then you are stuffed 😄 )

[lavenderhoney]

" haha I haven't got any! Actually I was about to ask you for some. See you soon xx"

Would be my response. If I responded at all.

[a1poshpaws]

I have mixed feelings about this. A good friend - yes, if I had it I'd lend the money - I have borrowed from friends myself before now. However £700 seems excessive - how many people would have that much sitting around doing nothing? No need to lose the friendship though - just text back that you're sorry, but you're totally broke just now after all the recent expenses. That way, neither of you feel humiliated.

[VenusRising]

"Ha! I wish! Maybe in 2036. See you soon"

if I replied at all.

Why are you 'upset' OP?

[NicknameUsed]

I really don't understand why it is so difficult to say "no, sorry, I don't have it".

What is so hard about that?

[barbecue]

[Pambilaga1608]

Sounds like she doesn't need 700 for anything in particular; she is trying to jump on your bandwagon as she is smelling some of your spare cash. My husband gets this constantly if he splashes out on something for us. These people have this weird opinion that you should share your hard work gains with them. Just reply with 'sorry- cant'.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

NiceSegway I leant a really good friend £800 to help pay for her divorce lawyer. I later found out she was having an affair with my husband and refused to pay me the money back. Put me right off lending to anyone

I think you'll find you lent it to a complete and utter bitch actually. Fuck me, brass arse of some people. Not that it matters, but was she having an affair with your husband when she asked for the money or did she manage to restrain herself for a bit?

[Sara107]

Borrowing / lending money between friends and family is a minefield, and I'm sure nearly everyone knows somebody who has lent money and not got it back! The thing that would upset me in this particular situation is the way the OP just got a text asking for the money (ie sounding a bit like a demand). I think if anybody wanted / needed a loan from a friend the very least they could do would be phone and speak directly to the lender. If this borrower had done that, she might have been able to put a bit of context around the request and it possibly wouldn't have annoyed the op so much. If, for example, she unexpectedly lost her job and can't pay her rent her friend might be more willing to help out even if it is difficult than if she wants to put money down for a fortnight in the Carribean.

[NiceSegway]

ExtraHotLatte she was having the affair when she asked for the money, and to add insult to injury they didn't admit to the affair when he walked out on me (and three children after 22 years together). So she was the one I went to for a shoulder to cry on and pour out all my hopes and worries and overanalize every aspect of the marriage and where I could have gone wrong. They "started dating" six months after he left. only found out three years later it had been going on for six months before he left.
Sorry - that was long, didn't mean to thread hijack. I think I may need my own thread at some stage as unsurprisingly I have a lot of unresolved emotions.

[TamyQlass]

Never lend to a friend. If you can afford to give it, she's a friend who needs it more than you, so make it a gift. If you can't afford it don't. I've been many 'gifts' of money back, I then can usually treat them as just that.

[WeatherwaxOrOgg]

NiceSegway - the op hasn't been back to this thread anyway but perhaps you do need your own thread simply for support.

That's mortifying. I'm so sorry for you :(

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

NiceSegway 💐 What a pair of >there really isn't a word bad enough< Fucking awful human beings, I'm so sorry they did that to you. I'd feel even more betrayed by her than him.

Sadly, your situation isn't unique, you'll find other threads in Relationships, just the same. It's sometimes helpful to read them if you aren't up to starting your own thread. But if you do start your in thread you'll get lots of support 💐

I hope they get a really bad infestation of bed bugs. Bastards.

[WalkingInTheAir13]

I definitely wouldn't loan her the money.
If she falls out with you because of your refusal, she isn't a friend worth having anyway. Je ne suis pas a bank !!!

[Curviest]

Well, OP you have your answer. Not one person on here thinks you should even contemplate it. I add my voice to that! She's got a damned cheek sending the request by text, too. She must see you as her personal bank.

I, too, am curious to know what she wants it for, and why she cannot get an overdraft and leave you out of it.

[septembersunshine]

I think that's a hell of a lot of money to be borrowing from anyone let alone a friend. Just say no. It's a hell of a sum. £50 maybe, £700 is a months wages!!