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AIBU?

To be upset my friend has asked for money?

146 replies

Tobeavsangel · 28/05/2016 11:42

I woke up to a text of a friend asking to borrow £700.

I dont have that kind of money to just lend out and not worry until next payday. Ive also recently purchased (last week) a new house and paid the deposit. Which she knows about.

I paid her phone bill a year ago and I wasnt paid back for over a month.

Im upset of being put in such an awkward position.

OP posts:

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firesidechat · 28/05/2016 18:49

It's lovely that you can afford to do that, really lovely, but lots of us couldn't find that kind of money to lend to a friend. I think the op said that she couldn't afford it either.

firesidechat · 28/05/2016 18:50

The op hasn't been back has she?

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 28/05/2016 18:50

Its not about whether the OP can afford to say yes or not
it's about how sad it is that so many people think friends shouldn't ask friends at all!

firesidechat · 28/05/2016 18:55

Oh I share the opinion of posters on this thread too then. I think it's a good adage - neither a lender your a borrower be. I might give people money if I could afford it and was so inclined, but I would hate to act as a bank for a friend. It complicates things.

Greenyogagirl · 28/05/2016 19:00

I've been that friend! I've borrowed £2000, £1500 and £600 off the same person and paid him back in installments (this is over a 7 year period though and I explained why and we arranged how and when I'd pay) a couple of other friends and me borrow money off each other and pay it back and it's not a big deal. Sometimes we just say 'sorry don't have any spare is everything ok?' And there's never been a falling out.
However my friend leant her bf 10k and never got it back, another leant her friend £300 and never got it back! My friend leant someone £50 and she text him saying 'what am I supposed to do with that? I need more.' So I think it depends on your friendship, I don't think it's a reason to be upset though

maggiethemagpie · 28/05/2016 19:05

I'd be tempted to ignore the text. It's a slightly more infuriating way to say no!

CombineBananaFister · 28/05/2016 19:21

Am amazed that people have friends who would ask for £700 !! fair enough £20-30 for food, emergencies, necessities etc but £700? yanbu, thats such a big amount to have not organised your finances by.

I love my friends dearly but money borrowing to me should be for unexpected, last resort circumstances but maybe that's because we're all poor.

calamityjam · 28/05/2016 19:55

If I had the money, which I sometimes do and sometimes don't, I would try to help out a close friend. There are lots of unforseen circumstances by which a person would need such an amount. What if her parents lived abroad and one of them had suddenly took a bad turn and this was there very last opportunity to see them before they died? What if there car had broken down and they needed another desperately for work? Some people, through no fault of their own cannot access bank loans. Would you see your best mate go to a loan shark? It is of course up to OP, if she can't afford it then fine. But all people who ask for a loan are not necessarily bad at financing.

calamityjam · 28/05/2016 19:56

should have said managing their finances

AddToBasket · 28/05/2016 20:05

I've lent money recently to friends - and got it back. I'm happy to be approached, but maybe that's because I don't feel uncomfortable saying no.

Agree with previous posters: don't say 'sorry' and don't make any reference to the amount, and don't get drawn in to what it is for. Otherwise you'll end up evaluating her request. Don't bother.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/05/2016 20:58

£700. Well that is a piss take, However I think being upset is a bit over dramatic.

mummylove2monsters · 29/05/2016 17:28

Oh my god ?!?!? I'll bet it put you off how vile ! Hugs xx

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 29/05/2016 17:48

Slow day news wise?

Thingamajiggy · 29/05/2016 17:48

How is that akward?! You are being unreasonable. If you don't have it, you don't have it and it's fine to just tell her. If a friend asked me for money I'd give it if I could and if not, I'd just say. No drama.

I'm wondering if you don't actually see this person as a true friend to be annoyed by this?

Lweji · 29/05/2016 17:57

I wouldn't lend that sort of money to a friend unless it was for a life saving operation or to get them out of the streets. Still, neither would make much sense in the UK or where I live. There are national health services and I'd rather have someone sleep on my couch.

Anyway, I've recently lent a friend some money so that she could have her electricity back on (she has a young child). I'm not bothered if she doesn't pay, and I'd put it down to similar as charity giving, although she hasn't forgotten it, and is still in financial difficulties. I offered then, she didn't ask. But I'm not offering any more, even though she is open about her financial problems.

As for your friend, OP, or others, lend only what you'd be prepared to give. Not a penny more. Either way, she is being cheeky considering she hasn't paid you before and you shouldn't have any problems saying no.
Think carefully if this is a friend you want to keep.

Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 17:59

Has the op been back?

mummyneedssupport · 29/05/2016 18:22

I lent £350 to my friend 2 months ago. She promised to pay me back in instalments last month but I haven't had a penny. I am going to wait one more month and then will insist on her setting up a direct debit with the threat of telling her husband (who didn't know). I am worried this will affect our 20 year friendship now and wish I had never agreed. Be careful x

expatinscotland · 29/05/2016 18:34

Don't get all the angst. You don't have it to lend. And she never paid you back of the last loan. I'd ignore the text completely and if she pressed say, 'No, I haven't got spare money to lend.'

TwentyCupsOfTea · 29/05/2016 19:00

I've lost a friendship over this.
A friend and I once gave (not loaned) another friend around 300 for bills and bought her a huge food shop for her and her son. We spent a long time going over budgets with her to get her back on her feet. We told her not to pay back as it was a no strings gift, and also because she couldn't afford it long term.

A few months later we received a text asking for - oddly enough - £700. The money was for rent, and we knew she would be evicted without it.
Since the last time she had run out of money she had changed nothing despite the advice and help we have her (luxurious rented house, lots of nights out and new clothes). I didn't judge because we were very clear our money was a NO STRINGS gift, however I did worry she would end up short again.

We could have scrimped the amount together just about but not without considerable effect (I was on MW on zero hours at the time).
We said that we could not help her, and she was evicted. She moved in with relatives.

She has never spoken to us since.

In some ways im sorry the friendship is over, and do feel guilty I didn't help, but it would have only prolonged the inevitable. I also think the way she cut us out when we didn't have the money spoke volumes.

Chatarunga · 29/05/2016 19:09

Yeh, I've never once taken 300 from a friend. I'd be mortified to do it once, never mind come back a few months later to ask for more than twice the amount!!

agentmarmalade · 29/05/2016 19:13

If you don't have the cash, then you don't have the cash and that's all there is too it.

Op, if I was in your situation I would just call the friend and say "hey, I got your text really early this morning. Are you in some kind of trouble?" And "look, I'm really sorry and I do care for you but I just haven't got any money at all right now. I hope you understand."

i like to live by the rules "neither a lender nor borrower be" unless we are desperate (rarely, despite being low income) we will ask our parents/in laws.

Joystir · 29/05/2016 19:14

if you cant afford to give your friend this money without needing it back, then say no.

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agentmarmalade · 29/05/2016 19:15

Just talk to your friend. Just talk to her and find out what's wrong. Keep to your boundaries though, and don't lend if you don't want to or can't.

CalleighDoodle · 29/05/2016 19:16

The oo hasnt been back. The op is too busy writing their article on the etiquette of asking for a loan...

Joystir · 29/05/2016 19:18

I have given my friend money when she needed it and dont want it back- she was in a position where if I had made it a loan she would have just been under pressure at a time when she had no possibility of giving it back. I love my friend and she needed help. End of story. I could afford to give her money and not worry about it coming back

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