To be upset my friend has asked for money?

[Tobeavsangel]

I woke up to a text of a friend asking to borrow £700.

I dont have that kind of money to just lend out and not worry until next payday. Ive also recently purchased (last week) a new house and paid the deposit. Which she knows about.

I paid her phone bill a year ago and I wasnt paid back for over a month.

Im upset of being put in such an awkward position.

[Groovee]

Just say "sorry I just do not have that amount of money spare!"

[Atenco]

I don't see the problem in asking or the problem in refusing. I would be upset if a good friend needed money and didn't think to ask me

[BigChocFrenzy]

Text back:
"No, I can't lend money any more"

So that she doesn't come back asking for £500, then £200, then ......
and to avoid her asking next month as well

[SanityClause]

It's not wrong of her to ask, but not wrong of you to refuse, either.

I agree with PP that you should make it clear that you can't afford to lend anything, so she doesn't come back for a lower amount.

[DinosaursRoar]

OP -are you one of those people who would only ask a friend to lend that sort of money if you'd already tried every other possible avenue to raise it, were up against a deadline and had already a pretty good idea that the friend could afford it and would be happy to give you the loan? (particularly if you had already sounded them out about possible loans in the past/they'd offered in the past).

If so, then I can see why you find it so rude to be asked and assuming there's an obligation to make the loan.

But lots of people make requests as a way of testing the water, and are OK to hear "no" because they aren't asking with the expectation of hearing a "yes". If you are the first type, then of course you'd only ask if you were expecting to hear 'yes'.

It's ok to say no to any request for money. You can just text back "No, sorry but I don't have £700. Hope you get it sorted!"

[whois]

Wow £700 is a shit load of money to borrow!

[cingolimama]

Like a couple of posters on this thread I don't get the angst, or the self-righteousness. Sometimes people are short, for good reasons - and I don't mean people taking the piss, but sometimes friends and/or family need a little help. I have borrowed money. I have lent money. It's always been repaid. I think this unwillingness to borrow/lend may be a cultural Anglo-Saxon thing, (which isn't a criticism, but an observation).

If you can't afford to lend her the money, then just tell her you have nothing to spare. You aren't actually, in any awkward position. Just be straightforward with your friend.

BTW congrats on your new house.

[DinosaursRoar]

I think the angst comes from the OP feeling the request is an obligation to give the money - if you come from that sort of mindset, then it is hard to get a "request" like this. If she's never been told it's ok to say no to requests for help, then the angst when you can't actually afford what's been asked for makes more sense!

[SomethingLike]

I would feel angst over this. Angst because you're in a difficult situation and if you do what you want to do you are likely to upset your friend and basically you're in a no win situation.

[e1y1]

Only you know your friend, as in how she lives her life/manages finances.

Would she not ask if she wasn't desperate? I'm assuming she has exhausted all other avenues for obtaining funds? It is a fair amount of money to ask for (not like a food shop amount or anything), is it an unexpected bill she cannot meet? Vet bill, Court fine etc...

Of course, if it is something not essential, then she shouldn't really ask.

In any case, yes it is perfectly reasonable to say no, but as said, only you know your friend and if this is something she would not do unless desperate? Or as you have said, is she just asking now in light of knowing you have bought a house and paid a deposit.

I also don't think a month is too long to be wait to be paid back either (from when you paid her bill) as most people get paid monthly.

I wouldn't be upset to be asked, OH and I have lent money out to relatives, and never seen it again, and it was respectable amounts. However, depending upon what it was needed for, I know we'd do it again.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

I wouldnt give an explanation or she'll be thinking that it would have been possible otherwise and will make a new appeal for a loan in a few months.

I would just kindly say - Im sorry but its not possible for me to lend you the money.

[AdjustableWench]

When I've had financial difficulties it's usually happened because I wasn't careful enough and didn't budget. This is something I had to learn from and it took many years but I didn't borrow from friends.

Obviously sometimes things happen: if the boiler breaks down in January or the fridge breaks in July, it needs to get sorted quickly. But generally people know they will have to pay bills, and most other situations can be resolved by a few weeks of cutting back and saving.

If your friend has borrowed money before she's probably in the first category and still needs to learn how to budget. Even if you had the money to lend her, it wouldn't be doing her any favours to hand it over.

I love the idea of saying you were about to ask the same question!

[BonerSibary]

Wouldn't apologise. Just say, I barely even have £7 to spare now let alone £700. If you've lent to her before and remained friends then tbh she's likely to think it's fine to ask, though I'm guessing the phone bill was rather less than £700. I hope!

[soundofthenightingale]

I wouldn't even respond to rude text.

She sounds toxic - massive sense of entitlement - and I would say create distance asap.

I had a newish 'friend' like this once. She came for coffee. Said she was going to visit her bank straight afterwards for emergency loan. Only after she left did the penny drop - I was meant to cough up!!! p.s. she had loads more resources than me, just felt everyone should help her all the time.

[blitheringbuzzards1234]

I would reply that I hadn't got that kind of money due to having just moved house and that the move wiped me out. Don't add 'sorry, I can't' - you have nothing to say sorry for. Don't get taken for a ride.

[diddl]

Not necessary to apologise or explain imo.

"No can do" should cover it!

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Upset??

Why so dramatic?

[lukasgrahamfan]

Don't mention about the fact you have just bought a house - you do not have to explain yourself or your life and how you spend your money to her, or even apologise to her. It is not your job in life to prop her up. She is responsible for managing her money. So don't feel guilty and don't feel responsible.

Just say you haven't got £700 to spare. And don't lend to her again. If the friendship can't take your polite refusal of a [huge] loan, then it isn't a good one and she sounds like a user anyway.

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Say no.

I lost a friend over this, and I don't care. He used to ask to borrow £50 / £100 (a lot less but it was a few years ago) every month. It was kind of patchy when I'd get it back and sometimes I had barely had it before he asked for it again. One day when he asked I checked my current account balance and realised I'd have to change plans to lend it to him - put off food shopping, delay paying bills etc and then I just suddenly realised "I don't have to do this." so I said "no, sorry, I don't have it."

never heard from him again.

don't miss him

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

I leant a really good friend £800 to help pay for her divorce lawyer. I later found out she was having an affair with my husband and refused to pay me the money back. Put me right off lending to anyone.
no way!

OP I don't see why asking a yes/no question = putting you in an awkward position. Say no if you don't want to.

[Shannyfanny]

I just went through this and it is not fair on you at all. £700 is a lot of money to normal working folk, she shouldn't even ask you.
Don't lend it please.

My friend, I asked her for £20 twice a couple years ago when I had no money for food or elec, I was on benefits she made up some excuse as to why she didn't have it despite working full time and living at home with parents.
This year she asked me for £170 I said no and now she is not talking to me, ignores my whatsapp or answers back coldly.

[Buxtonstill]

My logic is, that if a bank, or a credit card company cannot allow them a£700 loan then there is a good reason.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

Like a couple of posters on this thread I don't get the angst, or the self-righteousness

Im happy to lend money. I also give it. Im also very easy going about repayment options and wouldn't make a person swap one lot of stress for another but if someone said to me I'll pay you back, then didn't pay me back within the timeframe arranged I'd be hard pressed to ever help them again.

[QuiteLikely5]

You're upset?

Strong reaction.

You didn't mention why she needed it? Or when she would pay you back?