AIBU to think a janitor shouldn't swear at a year 7 pupil?

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Need to turn to mumsnet wisdom to sort out a dispute between DH and I.

DS in yr7, just turned 12, started high school in February (we are in Aus). Lost his locker key last week. I rang the office to ask what he needs to do and was informed that he had to go see 'Steve' the janitor, to borrow a spare, then when a new one was cut, he has to pay $10 for it. All good.

DS hunts for Steve, finds him at recess. DS is pretty shy and nervous, so politely approached Steve and said, "what do I do if I've lost my locker key?", to which Steve replies "Go and fucking look for it!" DS said he was open mouthed, but Steve then laughed and said "no, come in to the maintenance dept and I'll sort you out".

DS told me, incredulous that the janitor said that, but convinced that he had obviously been joking.

Now, personally, I think it's disgusting. I know my DS has said the odd swear word, because he's told me that a couple of times when he's been upset, he's blurted out some, but I really don't think he should be spoken to like that by a member of school staff.

DH, on the other hand says, for gods sake, he's the janitor, the boys will hear/use that language all the time, it's no big deal. He's really not bothered.

Was IBU to want to give the school a ring about it. It just seemed so wrong to me. I do swear, but almost never in front of the dcs, and if I do, only in moments of fright, for eg. I know they hear swearing, but don't think it's appropriate from a member of school staff, in effect, someone in a position of authority.

Please let me know if I'm overreacting and my DH is right?

It's tottaly appropriate. Treating your ds as a peer and having a laugh with him. It's stuff like this that will socialise him for the real world. YABU

I would complain.

But I've had an email from school about ds's unacceptable swearing. He has asd & struggles to differentiate between situations/occasions. Other kids swear at him so he'd tries to fit in.

Onthecouch, thank you for saying I'm BU without insulting me. I get the whole 'peer' thing, I just thought he was too young for that. He was gobsmacked. He's actually told me about the few times he has sworn and it has also been either trying to fit in, or when he's been upset or angry, and it's blurted out. He actually honestly told me that the reason he doesn't swear, isn't because he's disgusted or a prude, but in his words "because I just don't think it's necessary".

Balletgirlmum I'm sorry your ds has been reprimanded for something that isn't completely his fault. That must be difficult.

I think it's inappropriate. The janitor is not your son's 'mate'. Your son probably does hear swearing at school from the other children but that doesn't mean staff should think it's ok to use swear words.

I work in a primary school and there would be serious repurcussions for staff if they spoke like this to the children. I would be if an adult told my children to "fucking look" for something at school and I would definitely say something. Have we slipped into a parallel universe do you think, where adults in a school can swear around children and it's ok?!

My 13 year old swear occasionally at home. Always in the context of a joke - never at anyone.
It's not unnecessary . I
Swearing can enhance language.
I wouldn't be upset.its senior school.

I suppose that's what I thought makeitrain. I wouldn't want him stoned or crucified, it's not a crime. However swearing in convo with a yr 7? I just really didn't expect it.

Thanks, unfortunately the end psych report isn't enough for the school as it isn't a proper diagnoses. A proper diagnoses could take years due to inadequacies in our local NHS.

I suppose that's what I thought makeitrain. I wouldn't want him stoned or crucified, it's not a crime. However swearing in convo with a yr 7? I just really didn't expect it.

When I was in school we had a caretaker who did this - lovely man but this was his way to engage with us. I survived, bizarrely. And I heard much worse words all the time. I think you are being a bit precious about it OP, YABU.

I think 'fucking' is a perfectly acceptable adverb in Oz, at least according to my Ozzie friends...

The test for me as to whether it is acceptable is would the child get into trouble for saying it to another pupil or teacher? If the answer is yes then it's sending mixed messages & is unacceptable.

I'm pretty sure if ds had approached Steve and said "how the fuck do I go about getting a new fucking locker key mate?", it would have gone down like a lead balloon, but I'm willing to accept that it's not the end of the world, and I'm probably best picking my battles.

He's in secondary school, a non teaching adult spoke to him using normal language to him, said adult was helpful and clearly being friendly. Am not seeing ur point really. Some people swear more than others, in some countries people swear more than in other countries. You know, as he gets older he may even hear a swear word from a teacher... I don't expect he'll die from it.

My DD swears. She's never sworn at me.
My child has never been so rude as to throw any insult or unpleasant phrase in my direction.

The problem for me is not profanity. My children use profanity occasionally. They are never rude to me.
I don't need a 'no swearing rule' because my child would never be rude to me.

My children know the difference between profanity and disrespecting people because the two are not the same.

No - not really a problem .
My children are not disrespectful so the swearing thing takes care of itself.

If your children can judge what time is appropriate in terms of language tone or manner then that is a seperately problem. The swearing isn't the problem, it's your child's inability to judge their audience

You are NBU to say that a janitor shouldn't swear at a pupil. When I began reading the OP, I thought it was going to be about a grumpy caretaker who had told your poor son to fuck off because he'd lost his key.

The rest of your post made it clear that he was a friendly bloke who had sworn when talking to your DS - a completely different scenario.

I do think it's unprofessional for any member of staff at a school to swear in front of a child and would be surprised to hear of it happening at my dd's school. But I certainly wouldn't be disgusted (that seems a total overreaction) and I wouldn't even think about phoning the school. I don't think you should do something that could get the caretaker into trouble when he was trying to be friendly to your son.

In a few years your DS will be out shagging, this is nothing.

I think YABU but only because you admitted that Love Actually is your favourite film (Where the fuck is my fucking coat)

fuck and cunt are punctuation in Oz yabu