AIBU to think a janitor shouldn't swear at a year 7 pupil?

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Need to turn to mumsnet wisdom to sort out a dispute between DH and I.

DS in yr7, just turned 12, started high school in February (we are in Aus). Lost his locker key last week. I rang the office to ask what he needs to do and was informed that he had to go see 'Steve' the janitor, to borrow a spare, then when a new one was cut, he has to pay $10 for it. All good.

DS hunts for Steve, finds him at recess. DS is pretty shy and nervous, so politely approached Steve and said, "what do I do if I've lost my locker key?", to which Steve replies "Go and fucking look for it!" DS said he was open mouthed, but Steve then laughed and said "no, come in to the maintenance dept and I'll sort you out".

DS told me, incredulous that the janitor said that, but convinced that he had obviously been joking.

Now, personally, I think it's disgusting. I know my DS has said the odd swear word, because he's told me that a couple of times when he's been upset, he's blurted out some, but I really don't think he should be spoken to like that by a member of school staff.

DH, on the other hand says, for gods sake, he's the janitor, the boys will hear/use that language all the time, it's no big deal. He's really not bothered.

Was IBU to want to give the school a ring about it. It just seemed so wrong to me. I do swear, but almost never in front of the dcs, and if I do, only in moments of fright, for eg. I know they hear swearing, but don't think it's appropriate from a member of school staff, in effect, someone in a position of authority.

Please let me know if I'm overreacting and my DH is right?

Not a reverse, just a rather pissed off mum, unhappy that the janitor used unsavoury language to my 12yo. I honestly can't believe that people are insinuating that because im not afraid of swearing in my adult, private life, that I should be completely accepting of other people swearing at my kids.

Btw, I am completely able to accept that I might be U in this situation, but I'm a bit upset that I'm being judged on my username, as if that has any relevance on how I should expect my dcs to be spoken to or treated. As if they should somehow expect cursing, just because I have the audacity to use swearing in my private online life, which my children have no access to.

So it's not ok for swear words to be used around your DC, but it is ok for you to use swear words around other people?

Either swearing is always disrespectful, in which case don't do it on here, or it can sometimes be funny, in which case don't get your knickers in a twist when someone does it around your DC. You can't have it both ways.

It's not appropriate for the caretaker up say fuck to a 12yo, but neither would I complaint I the school. In this context it was light hearted and the caretaker was probably fed up of lost locker keys at that moment.

I

Your DS will know your own view on swearing. Your MN username is neither here nor there, it's just a funny dichotomy. there are lots of us who don't have swear words in our user name so it's odd that you do but have started a thread about swearing

I think you need to think about why you are so annoyed about this. Was your DS upset?No. Will your DS now think it's acceptable to swear? Unlikely, by your own admission he has heard you swear more than the janitor. Is your DS still trying to settle in at school? Yes. Do you want to be starting to use up your 'complaining calls' quota so early in his high school career? I wouldn't have thought so.

Your DS will take your lead on this and since he is still settling in, I think a more sanguine approach would be beneficial.

YABU.

Chill.

I use swear words on mumsnet because I think most people on here are probably adults, and in rl around other adults who swear.

I very occasionally swear accidentally in front of my own dc, and never in front of anyone else's dc.

I just don't expect school staff to swear at my dc, but am willing to accept that it could have been said in jest and may not require a complaint. I can't help being uncomfortable with it though.

In future, your dc should tell him to fuck off. See what happens then?

What do you think a swear word will do your DS?

*to

Btw I would also be saying this if a teacher had used "fuck" to your DS or in class.
I really don't get the hysteria about swear words. The exchange was obviously good natured.

Apologies for the triple post.

But those are your rules about how you behave. It doesn't mean anyone else is wrong for not following the same rules. Some people aren't ok with swearing at all. Some are ok with jokey swearing in front of kids.

You're expecting the janitor to know, and abide by, your rules. But you don't find out (for example) how other adults feel about swearing before you swear in front of them.

Your son isn't a baby anymore. I don't swear anywhere but the only problem I would have had with my dd swearing would have been lack of vocabulary and being ostracised by other children. The janitor sounds dead nice to me.

My 11yo & the teens would laugh and have more respect & awe for an adult who spoke with them like that. (and heaven knows it's what the teens say to each other at every opportunity) It's a really tricky line with teens, being blunt about their norms but still professional.

I hear loads of gossip about the teacher's at DD's school; then DD tells me how the teachers go back & verify the staff gossip with the kids. Which is the adults saying "We know exactly what you lot are like & up to & talk about"

Wtf is going on here lately?!

Op yanbu, I would be complaining very loudly about this no matter what my username on a site aimed at adults

Aww you're just a little precious aren't you? Golly how dare anyone swear at a 12 year old who swears himself!! The outrage!!! Inform the governors, have a meeting with the head, get that filthy man to wash his mouth out!! Maybe 10 lashes to his back would teach him to never swear again!

[buscuit]

*

Chill out OP - was your son even offended or was he just telling you for a laugh.

Special snowflake attitude much....

He didn't swear at your son - called him a fucking cunt or whatever - he used a swearword in the course of a casual conversation.

World of difference.

YABU, OP, away with you now.

Wow, some of you are being pretty unpleasant to me. I said that I occasionally accidentally swear in from of the dcs if for eg I get a fright, or drop something and break it. I don't eff and blind in front of them - far from it. I've accepted that I may be U in wanting to complain, but am still being called precious and of having a special snowflake attitude.

As for my son, he wasn't offended as such, just taken aback, as despite what most of you seem to think, he isn't accustomed to adults swearing in conversation with him. I still don't think it was appropriate for 'steve' to swear in conversation with a 12 year old, but am going to let it go.

Oh, and yes, I have a sweary username - that does not make me hypocritical for not wanting adults in a position of authority to swear when speaking with my dcs.

It's disappointing to discover that Australian parents are as equally determined to find fault with their children's schools as their English counterparts.

I have no interest in finding fault!! I love my son's school - he had to sit an entrance exam because it's selective, ie no feeder primaries. He's thriving and getting a fantastic education. I'm just a little disappointed that an adult told him to 'go and fucking look for' a lost locker key. I take it you'd be quite happy with that?