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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to swerve one of these weddings?

65 replies

Fluffyseagull · 27/05/2016 16:29

Were going to weddings in the night Saturday and Sunday. One is a mutual mate and one is DH mate. Aibu to miss one? I feel selfish but feeling that my bank hol weekend is being taken up by weddings. Were also going through fertility treatment no one knows and im not really up to innane questions about my uterus from strangersGrin

OP posts:
DailyFaily · 27/05/2016 16:45

Go on Saturday, send your partner on Sunday

Original poster
Fluffyseagull · 27/05/2016 16:45

It does vodka as im weak and at public events people ask if im pregnant etc as i find it very distressing because im pathetic

OP posts:
JuliaDreams · 27/05/2016 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myownprivateidaho · 27/05/2016 16:46

Fluffy, I seriously doubt anyone is going to ask you you're pregnant.

Original poster
Fluffyseagull · 27/05/2016 16:47

Ptivate believe me they do. Recently married so asked at least twice a week

OP posts:
JuliaDreams · 27/05/2016 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomethingLike · 27/05/2016 16:48

At public events people ask if you're pregnant? That's rude!

Other people's rudeness is not a reason for you to be rude to the B&G or for you to stay under house arrest.

Why don't you just admit you don't want to go and you're using having this treatment as an excuse. It certainly isn't a reason not to go out. It's fine to say "I don't want to" but don't flannel an excuse up.

MitzyLeFrouf · 27/05/2016 16:49

not a reason for you to be rude to the B&G or for you to stay under house arrest.

Oh the drama!

MitzyLeFrouf · 27/05/2016 16:50

Honestly some people on MN seem to think they're Jeremy Paxman.

myownprivateidaho · 27/05/2016 16:50

You must move in very different circles than me. Newlyweds might get asked if they are planning kids but to randomly go up to a woman and ask if she's pregnant is seriously weird. I really think you were just unlucky.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/05/2016 16:50

Ffs! Can you people not read?

They're evening only invitations and one of them is an open invitation to work colleagues!

Leave her alone!

Fluffy you aren't obliged to go to anything you don't want to go to! Take care.

Original poster
Fluffyseagull · 27/05/2016 16:51

Something theyre dh work colleagues so i wouldnt tell them that. Its the treatment but also i feel my bank hol is getting taken over a bit albeit not the B and G issue i know

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffyseagull · 27/05/2016 16:51

Im leaving the discussion now. Thank you for everyones inputFlowers

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 27/05/2016 17:00

OP - if you do read this, then the answer to the "are you pregnant?" question is "well I've regained some of the weight I lost before my wedding but I didn't think I looked pregnant! This dress is going to charity shop next week then!" embarrass the bastards, they will be blustering about how gorgeous you look and shut the fuck up afterwards. Don't make a song and dance about not drinking "I'm driving." if asked, if not asked, don't provide info or elaborate explainations about antibiotics or health drives or other nonesense.

Frankly you should have thought about having 2 weddings one after another before you accepted the second one, but that's done.

Pseudo341 · 27/05/2016 17:14

I kept getting asked if I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant shortly after I got married. I was halfway through a degree FFS! Dinosaurs Roar's answer is brilliant.

Go to the first one and then see how you feel on the Sunday. I wouldn't bail on a day invite without bloody good reason but an open invitation to work mates for the evening isn't as big a deal. If you really don't feel you can face it don't go.

BackforGood · 27/05/2016 17:22

I agree with those who say it is really rude to accept an invitation and then not bother. People will have 'not invited' others because they are up to the numbers / will have paid for buffet / etc. It's so selfish to just not bother.

I too find it hard to believe people just walk up to you and ask if you are pregnant Hmm . You must mix with a lot of odd people.
However, I do like Dinosaur's response Grin

Iggii · 27/05/2016 17:23

Well in your first week that is more of an upheaval. Just cancel though (or send dh without you) rather than not showing up.
You do seem about 50:50 with the medical treatment reason and the can't be arsed as its a BH reason. I imagine these people think their friends are looking forward to their wedding!
People asking you about pg are just arses, or suffering majorly from foot-in-mouth syndrome.

Iggii · 27/05/2016 17:24

Julia have a Brew and calm down.

MitzyLeFrouf · 27/05/2016 17:25

I'd have absolutely no qualms about ducking out of my partner's work colleague's evening do.

I'd definitely go to the friend's wedding though.

Floisme · 27/05/2016 17:27

I don't blame you. You accepted the invitations in good faith but fertility treatment can be a horrible strain and leave you feeling pretty wobbly - emotionally and physically.

Are you close enough to your friend to tell her? And/or Is your husband happy to go to his friend's without you? (I realise he ay be feeling fragile too.)

Best of luck with the treatment.

Floisme · 27/05/2016 17:29

Just realised I was too late as the op as gone. Well played, people.

Anniegetyourgun · 27/05/2016 17:32

I take it people who are saying fertility treatment shouldn't make a difference haven't had any, or if they did were blessed with virtually no side effects. I haven't, but worked with someone a year or so ago who was undergoing it and she found it made her quite tired and sick. It's also rather an emotional thing to be doing even without artificial hormones stirring things up.

AngelicaSchuyler · 27/05/2016 17:38

Obviously lots of people here who've not had the misfortune to have to go through fertility treatment Hmm.

When I was doing ivf I was tired, sore, bloated and emotional - I had no idea how tough it would be so I had lots of plans which I had to cancel as I just couldn't deal with anything.

And before we 'came out' to our friends about our treatment, it was automatically assumed I was pregnant every time I went out and had a soft drink instead of a wine.

I'd speak to your friend but don't worry too much about the work do. Flowers for you and best of luck with your treatment.

whois · 27/05/2016 17:39

Go to the friends one.

Don't go to your partners work mates one. He can go to that with his colleagues.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/05/2016 17:58

It's only two nights. There will be other weekends where you have nothing to go out for.