To find breastfeeding exhausting and not especially convenient

[Namelessbabe]

Feeding is going 'well' in so far as weight gain etc goes. Bi

Or is at work during the day, as most are.

As I said 'for whatever reason'. If you are both happy with the balance and how it works then that's fine

The first 6 weeks or so of breastfeeding are hard for pretty much everyone. There may be a few exceptions, but in the main, establishing is difficult and painful.

After that I loved it. I didn't find it especially convenient, especially when out and about (DS was a bottle refuser) but breastfeeding hormones are kinda magical.

I'm breastfeeding my 8 month old and very happy with the decision however had to laugh at the idea of it being convenient whilst out. In the beginning there was all the latching issues and she was sleepy and just didn't want to feed. We somehow ended up using nipple shields long term which add a slight layer of faff. Then from about 4 months she became very distractable and hard to feed whilst out. It got really stressful manhandling a wriggly baby who keeps looking up and grinning at the man opposite whilst milk is spraying everywhere and bashing off the nipple shields. Me and her were constantly covered in milk. We still breastfeed at home but only when it's quiet and nobody else is upstairs. It was a blessed relief that quite soon after 6 months she was managing to sustain herself on solids during the day and has made going out much more relaxed.

I'm almost 9 weeks in and very happy with my choice to breastfeed my son. He's absolutely thriving (up from 50th to 75th percentile for weight and is a long baby) and being able to flop out a boob and feed him on demand suits my lazy side. We had a rough few days at the start because jaundice made him almost too sleepy to feed but once we sorted the jaundice and got some positioning advice it's been smooth sailing since he was 5 days old. I have no problem with feeding in public either.

I found BF so difficult and the more the bloody midwives harped on about it being so "easy, convenient and free" the more I wanted to top myself. My dc fed constantly night and day, any attempt to remove him and he would scream the place down. I would watch with envy my FF friends who looked so happy and well and I felt like I was enslaved to my baby (who i didn't enjoy at all until i introduced FF)

I am still very pro BF for those who want to do it, and I would do it again but would not feel guilty at all if it didn't work out. I would also not allow baby to be hanging onto my boobs for comfort, I co -slept with all of mine but I can't think of anything worse for me than a child sucking on my breasts the whole night.

I think there are two things here - that 'convenience' is in the eye of the beholder, and that how high a priority you give it depends on your feelings about the value of breastmilk and breastfeeding. I think breastfeeding is not just better for babies but is a lot more pleasurable for them as a sensory experience. The principle also extends into the way I weaned and the way I feed my older children.

I think all humans should have access to a diet of fresh foods - from age 0 to 100. This principle will usually have precedent over convenience. But that's because food and eating is a really important part of our family life. I know it's not that way for everyone.

I made it to 6 months with dd but it was so hard. I remember sitting on my sofa sobbing with frustration when dd was cluster feeding for hours at 4 months. I think my insistence on persevering with bf even though I didn't enjoy it was a major contributing factor in my getting pnd. If I had another child I'd try bf again but I'd stop sooner if I didn't enjoy it

Sgo - the thing is that if you asked the question in the OP to a group of women who are part of a community with traditionally very high rates of breastfeeding, you'd get very different responses. Yes, some babies are hard to latch, and some mums have supply issues, but even in Europe there are places where almost everyone breastfeeds at birth (Norway, Hungary) and the vast majority are still breastfeeding at six months. I suspect in some places people might be a bit puzzled by the concept of 'convenience' playing the sort of part in feeding choices that it does here in the UK.

I'm always rather wary of people generalising about what people from very different cultures to their own think. Bit dodgy that. Not a brilliant history. One needs to be especially careful when so many of the women being discussed, as is the case with those from high breastfeeding communities, are rather underresearched and remote and we don't get much opportunity to hear them speak for themselves.

I live in a predominantly non-White, non-English community Boner and grew up outside of the UK. I have worked with new mothers from these communities. They do have strikingly different experiences and expectations of breastfeeding than the majority of UK mothers. And exceptionally high breastfeeding rates in developed countries like Norway where formula is affordable and available shows that not everyone puts the same low value on breastfeeding as we do here in the UK.

There is such a variation in people's experiences of breastfeeding, even in just this thread, but ff experiences seem pretty standard. That's probably what makes ff easier for some people - that you know what to expect.

DS could not/would not breastfeed so I expressed exclusively for six weeks, and I can tell you that that is worse than both of the other options! I then moved to formula and was devastated for a while, but was relieved to stop the expressing. In retrospect I'm not sure that breastfeeding was for me anyway, I don't want to co-sleep (which a lot of bf mums seem to) and hated the sensation of my breasts being full of milk and then the let-down. I will try again if I have another baby but I don't relish the thought.

Horses for courses really, but I feel a bit sad when people say bf gives you a better 'bond' because I didn't get the chance.

Yes I'm aware you grew up outside the UK minifingerz. Doesn't even come close to giving you the right to generalise about all the breastfeeding communities in the world. You cannot possibly have even been to all of them, let alone have spent enough time there to get a handle on what the women think. And even if you had it still wouldn't be your place to blithely assert what they think.

Fundamentally, privileged white Western people telling other privileged Western people what poor, marginalised women think, frequently without reference to said women themselves, is appalling. Given that the countries with the highest breastfeeding rates are primarily not in the wealthy West and primarily not white, that's what you're doing even if you do make sure to drop Norway in there too.

crayfish

There is such a variation in people's experiences of breastfeeding, even in just this thread, but ff experiences seem pretty standard. That's probably what makes ff easier for some people - that you know what to expect

... so I ff. Like you, crayfish, I felt I ought to try to bf but the heart wasn't in it. No guilt that time. Knew exactly what I was doing.

mini

My DCs had access to fresh food from the age of 6 months when they were weaned. So that's around about 84 and a half years of fresh food, hopefully, and a parents who never smoked, rank alcohol to excess etc etc

I wasn't suggesting that bf and working isn't possible. I went back to a stressful job (NHS) and had zero family help with the DC. I didn't want to throw the hassle of pumping and night feeds into the mix. If people want to work and continue bf..great. By that stage I was all for relieving the pressure on myself and making life easier.

Notyoda - re: formula feeding experiences vein less variable, women who ff are also fairly like to report problems (at least according to the government's infant feeding survey, done every five years, though now discontinued). But the problems are more likely to do with the baby (unsatisfied after feeds, taking overly large/small feeds, vomiting, constipation, thrush) than the mother, so more likely seem to be just part of normal baby behaviour and less to do with feeding method.

I think for the first few weeks after birth breastfeeding is natures way of ensuring mum sits down and rests regularly. I appreciate this is more difficult if you have a toddler.

I bf ds for just over 2 years but I also co slept, I expressed at work until he was a year old.

I'm currently ebf twins - it is exhausting (but not as exhausting as the pregnancy) - I'm always hungry! They both have quite bad reflux so I reckon I'm really feeding the equivalent of 3 babies hence how much I'm eating.

When I returned to work after having ds I liked getting in from work, sitting down and spending 30 minutes feeding and snuggling. I hope to do that with dt.

'By that stage I was all for relieving the pressure on myself and making life easier.'

Do formula fed babies not feed at night then?

mini

Someone else can feed them. Especially good if you have PND.

Sorry posted too soon.

I'm not convinced women are truly prepared on breastfeeding and the fact it can be tough the first few weeks. A good UNICEF baby friendly hospital with a dedicated lactation consultant makes a massive difference (and should be a consideration) for a new mother wanting to bf. Not enough support/knowledge in many hospitals unfortunately.

43percentburnt

Agree. And then women are left in pain, feeling guilty, and arguing with each other about it

... only arguing on MN though. Not actually in Real Life. Possibly silently judging, mind. But not arguing

I'm a bit of a lone voice here but I'm on Day 6 with DS2 and my main focus since he arrived has been to crack the breastfeeding early and get comfy with it.

It's tough but I now know from nearly 3 years of BF DS1 that it hurts a lot until you get the latch right, you get engorged boobs to start with and need to keep feeding to get them back to normal, that BF babies feed a shitload in the evenings and at night, and that you need to feed on demand for it to work.

My next step is to crack feeding in the sling, so that I can get out and about for longer with DS1.

I'm very pro-breastfeeding, but totally appreciate that everyone does what works for them. Breastfeeding can be incredibly efficient and convenient when you're armed with the right info and support.